kimmy
Well-known member
okay, sorry to keep bothering everyone with this. but i don't have anyone else to really get advice from because everyone i know is either in or has only been in screwed up relationships.
i'm on my first boyfriend, we've known each other for over a year. for 5 months, he refused to ever see me because he said he was busy and all kinds of other excuses (i found out a few weeks ago that the real reason was that he wanted to look his best so he started working out, etc...which kind of bothered me a little) and now we've been together for 6 months.
4 months after we started going out, he started talking to his ex (whom he was with for 18 months) on MySpace and decided not to tell me about it and i was a little upset because i don't think that talking to your ex is something you should be hiding from your current girlfriend. we got into it over that and i told him that next time he wants to hide talking to some other chick, or lie to me about another girl, we would be through.
about a month later, i was fixing some things on his band's MySpace and saw a whole bunch of messages between the band account and some chick. he's usually the only one besides me on that account, so i checked out what the messages were (i know, i probably shouldn't have but i was curious) and he was telling her all these things about how they have labels waiting on them and as soon as their demos done, they'll be signed and he'll be a big rock star. he was telling her about everything, and oddly enough nothing ever came up about me. BUT, he told her she should get all prettied up and come to this one show, funny since that was the ONE show i wasn't planning on going to.
i asked him about her and he was like "it was just one message, she just asked what was up" (which, btw, the first message was from HIM) and we argued for a while and he started yelling at me about how i need to "get over my insecurities" and just trust him for once. i said "okay, i'm giving you one last chance. tell me the truth or we're done" and he took that opportunity to lie about it again. i went and comandeered my phone from my mom (she takes it when he's being an asshole so i can't talk to him hah) and i called him and he instantly went into how i need to get over my insecurities. i said "do you know why i kept asking you? i kept asking you in the hopes that eventually you'd man up and stop lying to me. i saw what you said and i saw what she said. and it's nice you chose to lie to me about all of it, but from now on you'll do it as a friend, not as anything more than that" i told him that if he chose, i'd return to him everything he's given me (a diamond ring, his high school ring and some makeup) and from now on, he'd refer to me as a friend because that's all we'd ever be.
he cried and pretty much begged for about 4 hours after that. saying how he can't live without me and he's sorry he fucked up and...well you know, the typical stuff. so, being that softie that i apparently am, i said i'd give him another chance (as my sister said "what the hell? the last time was his last chance. they can't ALL be his LAST chance") but i genuinely want things to work with him. in my mind, i've already planned my future with him, with a house and kids and..everything really.
now, it's a matter of trying to put my trust back in him...and it's been almost a month and i'm still just having trouble believing anything he says. even when he says "i love you" i don't believe him. he says he lied to me because he was afraid i'd be upset he was talking to her...but i can't stop thinking you know, that if he really loved me he wouldn't have lied whether it would upset me or not..especially not when i gave him such an extreme ultimatum as "tell me the truth or i'm gone"
i don't know if i can ever trust him again. part of me doesn't even want to be with him anymore, because i'm so afraid he's going to do it again only next time it will be him cheating on me. but there's still a big part of me that loves him so much i just can't let him go..
what do i do?
i'm on my first boyfriend, we've known each other for over a year. for 5 months, he refused to ever see me because he said he was busy and all kinds of other excuses (i found out a few weeks ago that the real reason was that he wanted to look his best so he started working out, etc...which kind of bothered me a little) and now we've been together for 6 months.
4 months after we started going out, he started talking to his ex (whom he was with for 18 months) on MySpace and decided not to tell me about it and i was a little upset because i don't think that talking to your ex is something you should be hiding from your current girlfriend. we got into it over that and i told him that next time he wants to hide talking to some other chick, or lie to me about another girl, we would be through.
about a month later, i was fixing some things on his band's MySpace and saw a whole bunch of messages between the band account and some chick. he's usually the only one besides me on that account, so i checked out what the messages were (i know, i probably shouldn't have but i was curious) and he was telling her all these things about how they have labels waiting on them and as soon as their demos done, they'll be signed and he'll be a big rock star. he was telling her about everything, and oddly enough nothing ever came up about me. BUT, he told her she should get all prettied up and come to this one show, funny since that was the ONE show i wasn't planning on going to.
i asked him about her and he was like "it was just one message, she just asked what was up" (which, btw, the first message was from HIM) and we argued for a while and he started yelling at me about how i need to "get over my insecurities" and just trust him for once. i said "okay, i'm giving you one last chance. tell me the truth or we're done" and he took that opportunity to lie about it again. i went and comandeered my phone from my mom (she takes it when he's being an asshole so i can't talk to him hah) and i called him and he instantly went into how i need to get over my insecurities. i said "do you know why i kept asking you? i kept asking you in the hopes that eventually you'd man up and stop lying to me. i saw what you said and i saw what she said. and it's nice you chose to lie to me about all of it, but from now on you'll do it as a friend, not as anything more than that" i told him that if he chose, i'd return to him everything he's given me (a diamond ring, his high school ring and some makeup) and from now on, he'd refer to me as a friend because that's all we'd ever be.
he cried and pretty much begged for about 4 hours after that. saying how he can't live without me and he's sorry he fucked up and...well you know, the typical stuff. so, being that softie that i apparently am, i said i'd give him another chance (as my sister said "what the hell? the last time was his last chance. they can't ALL be his LAST chance") but i genuinely want things to work with him. in my mind, i've already planned my future with him, with a house and kids and..everything really.
now, it's a matter of trying to put my trust back in him...and it's been almost a month and i'm still just having trouble believing anything he says. even when he says "i love you" i don't believe him. he says he lied to me because he was afraid i'd be upset he was talking to her...but i can't stop thinking you know, that if he really loved me he wouldn't have lied whether it would upset me or not..especially not when i gave him such an extreme ultimatum as "tell me the truth or i'm gone"
i don't know if i can ever trust him again. part of me doesn't even want to be with him anymore, because i'm so afraid he's going to do it again only next time it will be him cheating on me. but there's still a big part of me that loves him so much i just can't let him go..
what do i do?
