Mediocre Genius...

[darkishstar]

WARNING: This is very long.

So recently I've been talking with my friends.
About compliments, getting them and receiving them. I've noticed that I don't take compliments too well. If someone compliments me, I will thank them, but then disagree with them right away.

I've been told that I am a wonderful singer, talented artist, intelligent young lady, pretty/beautiful, and that I am good at kung fu (martial arts). I am not trying to brag about my talents because I honestly don't think I am talented at anything or anything above average in looks. Nor am I fishing for compliments, let me get to my point first.

I don't think I am a wonderful singer.
I would be famous then. I would have made it into the A Capella groups I tried out for in college, I tried out for 3 and did not make it into any of them.

I don't think I am a talented artist.
I see amazing artists on a community I am part of, in no way am I even close to their exposure, talent, and creativity.

I don't think I am intelligent or smart at all.
If I don't study as hard as I do or even put in half of the work I do, I can't even get an A or B. Geniuses or smart people in my opinion, don't need to study as much as I do. Hell, geniuses don't even need to go to school and can make it. Those are the true geniuses right?

I'm not pretty/beautiful.
I try. I've never had guy's approach me, ask me on a date, ask me for my number. I've only gone out with 2 guys, one of which was the only relationship I considered real. The other guy just had to have a girlfriend at any given time pretty much. My friend tells me they are afraid that I will settle for less just because I don't see myself as anything special.
Also, with my boyish frame, small boobs, small butt, I really don't think I'm an attractive body type that many men go for either.

I WORK HARD in kung fu. I persevere and I have will, not necessarily skill.
I still think many people can overpower and overcome me despite nearly 7 years of training. I don't see anything praiseworthy about my kung fu other than the fact that I am dedicated. I don't have particular talent and what I have gained, I have gained through hard work, not because I started out with talent.

I also find it difficult to major in anything or decide what to do with my life. Why? Because I am good at any subject, but I am not particularly excellent in one. I wish I was because that would solve my indecision right away!

And lastly, my dad commented to me once, that yes I am talented, but there is something about me that no matter what I do, I can be good at... but never excellent. I never strive for it or something. He mentioned this about my singing, kung fu, and schoolwork. That I don't strive to be number one, that I settle for less than what I am actually capable of. But I truly believe that I am NOT capable for more than what I have, that there is nothing really special about me, that I am NOT able to actually be number one. I am a mediocre genius, I may be good at many things.. but I am NOT excellent at anything I do.

My question is... am I just being humble? Do I have really low self esteem? Do I let it hold me back? Does my lack of confidence actually show despite what I project in real life? (I really project a confident persona, but inside I am insanely insecure and unsure of myself) And lastly... since I am not confident, does that essentially drive the guys away? I've also been told that since I'm a tough chick/one of the guys/intimidating, that might be it as well. And my ex did say to me that he didn't like that I always put myself down, my looks and my body.

I just can't stand the thought of like... acting like I am so hot or pretty/talented at this and that when I honestly do not think it is true. Should I learn to accept compliments and just not deny them? I don't know why I am this way and I think it is actually a problem for me. Well, not only me, other people I know think it's a problem as well. How should I solve this issue?

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I look forward to hearing thoughts and suggestions on this.

 

[Janice]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkishstar And lastly, my dad commented to me once, that yes I am talented, but there is something about me that no matter what I do, I can be good at... but never excellent. I never strive for it or something. He mentioned this about my singing, kung fu, and schoolwork. That I don't strive to be number one, that I settle for less than what I am actually capable of.

I'd say this plays a part in why you feel this way about yourself.

 

[kaliraksha]

I agree with the above. Unfortunately, a lot of people look towards their parents for validation and parents really do want the best for you and think if you excel that's what makes you happy. But, people are actually bad judges of what makes them happy. Just finding what you enjoy doing and doing it will make you happier than being #1 at just anything. The only person that can validate you is you.

But, also I see you as determined, hard-working and well rounded. These are great attributes to have. You are being too hard on yourself. Truth is, you're right, you are probably not the best and chances are you won't be- but there is nothing wrong with that. There are almost 6.7 billion people on earth and in any given subject only 1 person is "the best" and even that is subjective.

You should just appreciate and love yourself for what you are. My advice to you is to learn to take a compliment, just take it at face value until you are comfortable enough to believe it. My favorite quote is "Most people will never do great things, but you can do small things in great ways."

 

[Girl about town]

I agree that your father telling you that is a reason why you never feel good enough. Who says we need to be experts at everything we do? My mother would tell me im amazing and excellent if i swept the roads for a living. My brother and i are the most intelligent dynamic people on earth according to my parents. Why do you feel you have to be an expert at everything? , there is nothing wrong in being average and being proud of the things you have acheived!! Somedays i feel proud i have got out of bed and went to work lol don't be so hard on yourself

i think people feeling like this is symptomatic of todays society, everyone has to be all things to all people , fab job, relationship, looking great, intelligent etc x

 

[redambition]

I agree that the reaction you get from your parents could be contributing to your self doubt.

Another thing to remember is that when you enjoy doing so many different things or you are good at so many different things then it makes it really difficult to choose that something special to focus on. You can feel like you just dabble in everything, but that you actually aren't good at any of it.

Don't believe your own press. just keep doing what you love. it doesn't matter that you aren't the number one - if you love doing it, then keep going. if you want to be the number one in something - then it's always a hard slog to get there.

and a word of advice on the boy situation: if they're too intimidated by your incredible beauty to ask you out... then it's their loss

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't know anything about you, but you need to believe in yourself. If your parents aren't supportive of the possibility of you being fantastic (or simply being fantastic), you just need to believe in yourself.

BTW, fame is an odd game. I've been in subway stations where singers there have been more talented than any Top 40. I went to an art trade show this past weekend, and the less famous, pretty much (from what I understood) starving artists produced some of the best work there compared to the more commercial ones.

Famous geniuses work their asses off. If you ever read a historical paper by a scientist, a lot of times they were wrong or partially right. They had to work hard to understand whatever it was they were researching. There is absolutely no shame in working hard to achieve what you want; a good work ethic will more often than not get you further in life than simply being smart.

If I were you, I'd work on being happy with yourself. There may be someone smarter/prettier/better singer/whatever than you. I can't answer that, because some of that is subjective. Be proud of who you are. Find whatever makes you happy and pursue it. Beating yourself up over not being the best isn't helpful at all in life. Doing the best you can with what you have is all you really can do.

 

[darkishstar]

Thanks everyone, now that I think back on it, I think that is very true. Not once did my dad ever compliment me on anything or much of anything now that I think on it...

I think my biggest issue probably is the fact that I probably do not love myself enough and that has to change somehow.