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Man - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Arsehole)
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 70. May vary from 50-150 kg.
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches,though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve
Occurance: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :
1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Tarnishes easily. Needs constant polishing and attention.
6) Crusty exterior but may be soft underneath.
7) Naturally found in the crude state but may be purified
8 ) Simple in structure.
Chemical properties :
1) All forms desire reaction with Wo.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Great affinity for fatty substances.
5) Low boiling point, high melting point.
6) Attraction to large quantities of iron.
7) Poorly bonds with other substances.
Uses:
Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, general repairs, free dinners for Wo...
Tests:
1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
2) Appearance greatly improves when placed in a sports car.
3) Easily titrates to yellow under stress.
4) Never true blue.
Caution:
Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.
___________________________________________
Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 59, but known to vary 50-88.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas.
Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered with painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given special treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
7) Undergoes inpredicatable spontaneous dehydrolyses (weeps).
Chemical Properties :
1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many of the Precious Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material.
6) Neutral to common sense.
7) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses:
1) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
3) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution :
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2) Illegal to possess more than one.
Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Arsehole)
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 70. May vary from 50-150 kg.
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches,though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve
Occurance: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :
1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Tarnishes easily. Needs constant polishing and attention.
6) Crusty exterior but may be soft underneath.
7) Naturally found in the crude state but may be purified
8 ) Simple in structure.
Chemical properties :
1) All forms desire reaction with Wo.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Great affinity for fatty substances.
5) Low boiling point, high melting point.
6) Attraction to large quantities of iron.
7) Poorly bonds with other substances.
Uses:
Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, general repairs, free dinners for Wo...
Tests:
1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
2) Appearance greatly improves when placed in a sports car.
3) Easily titrates to yellow under stress.
4) Never true blue.
Caution:
Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.
___________________________________________
Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 59, but known to vary 50-88.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas.
Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered with painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given special treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
7) Undergoes inpredicatable spontaneous dehydrolyses (weeps).
Chemical Properties :
1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many of the Precious Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material.
6) Neutral to common sense.
7) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses:
1) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
3) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution :
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2) Illegal to possess more than one.
