mom mentally unhealthy

[Pascal]

my mom is my best friend, however lately she has been treating me like her worst enemy. I attempted suicide because of her hurtful words. I will start from the beginning.

My sister came over on the 17th of February, and my parents were talking to my sister trying to discipline her, after my mom was done talking my dad told my sister that it's okay if my mom talks to my sister in that way, and my mom just blew up on him. She told him to be a man and to have a tighter grip on my sister, she called him a pussy, told him to be a man, she yelled, screamed, and just ruined her day. My dad went into her room to try to reason with her and tell her he didn't mean for my sister to not listen to my mom but instead that if they ever have the same conversation again in the future, that it's for my sisters own good. But my mom wasn't hearing it and still yelled, screamed and cried. We were supposed to go to the mall on the 17th and I was already to go shoppig with my mom until she exploded on my dad. So she and I spent the rest of he day at home, I don't like to leave her all alone when she is sad because I love her and I care about her more then anything else in the world, to see her sad makes me sad. So then at about 9 p.m. we both decided to go to bed, then my dad came home and decided to sleep on the couch. Then she woke up in the middle of the night and yelled at him and told him he was making the problem worse by sleeping on the couch instead of sleeping in their bed. She yelled and screamed some more, then she told him to get out and leave. So he left in a mad rage and took all of his paperwork and personal files with him as if he was going to divorce her the next day. While he was getting all of his belongings she was inside the garage with her car turned on. He drove away in his truck and then she pulled out of the garage to follow him llike a lunatic would do. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, she tells the man to leave and then she chases him in her car ? Well then she came back home after she chased him and I asked her what happened, she said that there was a cop down the street and she didn't want any problems late at night and that's why she drove back home. We just went to sleep that night and I hoped for a better tomorrow.
February 18th, was the sunday after all the drama went down the night before, she wanted to get her mind off of everything and go shopping, I really didn't want to I wanted to read my new book but I thought it's okay I want to just have a good day, so I was getting ready and she and I were exchanging words in the hallway, and I said " It's hard to live here sometimes with the fighs and yelling, I just feel like when we fight it takes a toll on our whole week", that's all I said to her and she called me a backstabber. I was so hurt when she called me that, why would you call me that? I asked her, she said because you are. Well we left it at that and I was still upset that my best friend was calling me a backstabber, and I am not. Then my friend decided to just pop up at my door and I asn't in the mood for him since I was fighting woth everyone around me. He wanted to see if I wanted to go to Starbucks with him and I told him no. So he went away and then I went back in my bathroom to get ready. She stood in the hallway and said why are you so fired up? I said I'm fired up because you called me a backstabber. She said no your not fired up because of that your fired up because you couldn't go out with your friend and you really don't want to go with me. I said no I'm still mad at why you would call me a backstabber because I can't stand the fights we have sometimes in this house. And then she called me a liar, she kept insisting I was mad becuase of my friend. Then both of our voices were raised and she started calling me names, she said my hair cut looks like a lesbians hair cut, that I need to grow out my hair, that I'm a dyke, that I look like a transsexual because I like to draw on my eye brows, she said I wear too much make up and look like a drag queen. She said all of these thaings to me and I felt like she stripped of my confidence. She kept repeating those things and calling me names and making fun of me.

 

[Pascal]

So finally I told her she can fucking go shopping on her own that I am not going with her anymore. She said well good stay home I am ashamed of the way you look and who you are anyways, I am ashamed of when we shop together and how your appearance is anyways, you look like a lesbian and a dyke. I could only take so much of her evil words, they wre so hurtful, she would also come to my door and talk more shit to me and put me down, and by now I was fired up in a rage, so I would tell her to get the fuck away from my door and she wouldn't, so finally I pushed her up against the wall and told her to shut the fuck up and not call me a backstabber and to leave already, she had the nerve to look surprised that I pushed her or put my hands on her, Then she spit on me and that was the final straw. She went into one room I went into my room and took my door and slammed the door handle into the wall about thirty times out of anger, rage and frustration. I was breaking down, and she finally left me to be alone.
and that's when I got desperate and took my 20 ATAVAN pills and wanted to end it all, I wanted to end the pain, the fights, instability, tears, anger, confusion, and name calling. And I got caught and sent to the ER, then the mental hospital.



I have been out of the hospital for a week now and I have a lot to answer for, I felt so bad that I had laid hands on my mother, my best friend. I have to pay the hospital bill, the ambulance bill and now I have a 51/50 on my record, and I can't own a gun for the next 5 years, So I'm in a lot of trouble. I had to be on my best behavior to get out of that hospital, but I was just going to be released into the world that had sent me there in there first place, I was going back to the mom, and the house that had sent me there and that was the scariest thing to cope with.

I am a little depressed at times and other times I can be happy but I feel so sad inside that all of this had to happen, I thought I was strong, I thought I was somewhat attractive, I thought I was confident, now I feel so empty, and the doctor said I have BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, I think he was right. So I have returned to work and am trying to get back to normal, but her words still seem to reach me everywhere I go, anytime I look in the mirror, I hate myself because of her words. Before her hurtful words I had confidence and self esteem, now I am so empty. I am not writing any of this for sympathy, I just want to tell my story and get some opinions from outsiders looking into my situation. Last night I came home took a shower and went to bed by 5 pm, amd she was mad at me because I wasn't happy, on Monday she wanted me to apologize for being sad on sunday. Why should I have to apologize for feling gloomy, I will feel better soon. Just leave me alone. Last night she started drama because she doesn't want my sister to come over. She screamed, yelled, cried, and called my dad names again. She called him a pussy, and a son of a bitch, she told him to be a man. Then this morning she told me she wishes I would vanish from her life, I told her that that was my intention a week a go but I failed in my attempt, she said I should try again and make sure it works this time. She also said that soon I was going to leave the house and no longer live there in her house, she called me a devil worshipper because I was listening to ORGY a few days ago. Someone please tell me is this verbal abuse? is it something else, she is out of control and hysterical? What should we do at home in order to live peacefully ?

 

[sexypuma]

Re: mom mentally unhealthy part 2

I am sorry that you guy are going through this drama. Your mom should go see a therapist. At this point, i think she need help from a specialist. Until she resolves her own issues, she will keep taking it out on her family. As for you, please save as much money as you can and move out. I am sure you love your mom and want to be close but this living arrangement is very unhealthy for you. Move out and come visit her. But in the meantime, please try to convince your mother to see a therapist. Btw, i know it gives a blow to your self confidence when someone who is close to you criticize your appearance. I have seen your FOTDs and there is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Re: mom mentally unhealthy part 2

i'm not a therapist or doctor but i know that borderline Personality disorder is very similar to bipolar. Is the fear of abandonement or loneliess is excruciating? That is a factor in diagnosing BPD. People with this often react better to cognitive behavorial therapy than with just meds alone. My psychiatrist said it best. Borderline personality people like chaos in their lives and they unknowingly create it. That is one of the main differences between Bipolar disorder and Borderline personality disorder. The mood swings of a borderline are much quicker, more rash, and usually quite a bit more damaging than a Bipolar's. This is what I've learned personally. I have been diagnosed as both. But now my present psychiatrist says Borderline, so I don't know what I am either. I'm not trying to say that either disorder is worse. They are both damaging.


Your mom also sounds stressed too and as a result is taking it out on the people around her. I'm sorry you have to go through this, have some hugs.

 

[Pascal]

Re: mom mentally unhealthy part 2

I know this doctor is right about my diagnosis, I must have BPD, but I do not have fear of abandonment, I am the ANTISOCIAL BPD Patient, that's what I read.

 

[YvetteJeannine]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...you NEED to GET OUT OF THERE. Your Mom is mentally unbalanced. Sorry to say it, but it's nothing you didn't already know. She will never be happy. Unless she gets help herself, FOR herself, she will NEVER be able to have normal familial relationships..with you or anyone else.

What's more, HER mental health is having such ill effects on you...You have your own mental health issues to deal with, and you will never get better until you get out of there. You are never going to have any self-worth, self-esteem, motivation, or (most importantly) any success in getting any better if you continue to stay there.

I was once told something by someone; "Don't make others' problems YOUR problems". Your Mother has severe issues...Now, yes..in a (large) way, that DOES affect you...but you cannot take it on as your OWN personal responsibility. You cannot make your Mother happy. You cannot continue to internalize her issues. Nothing you ever do is going to change what is wrong with your Mom...You could give her the world, and she STILL would not be satisfied. It's time you say to yourself: "I love my Mother. I will always be good to my Mother..I will always help my Mother in any way possible that is not detrimental to me, BUT I cannot save my Mother. I can, however, save MYSELF...and I MUST...I need to let go of this and start having a life of my own". The sooner you say that to yourself, the better off you will be. You will never escape the tears, rage, hurtful words, confusion, self-loathing, sadness, and depression if you continue to stay there....I can say this 'till I'm blue in the face; but untill you are TRULY ready to take action, you will not get better...Many people have dysfunctional family members, but they see to it that they live normal, healthy lives (and they do whatever is neccesary to do that). It does not mean they love their family member(s) any less....It just means they're starting to love themselves MORE.

Good luck to you....I will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[kaliraksha]

Yikes, I have been in a bad living situation before with my parents. My mom would yell and get upset and make accusations at me and my dad would just ignore it all. For me, in all honesty, my relationship with my parents didn’t get better until I moved out. I’m not sure what your situation is like, or your age- but it may be something to keep in mind. I think it would help to move in with a friend or another family member that cares and loves you to help you through this time and help you improve your relationship with your mom.

It took me after moving out and interaction with my mom on an adult level to realize that my mom just did the best she could. She did what she knew how to do and what she was raised with herself. I was depressed and wouldn’t talk and they had all these medical bills and I was unhappy and wasn’t doing well in school and they thought I was selfish and using my depression as an excuse. My mom just didn’t know how to handle all of that, she was raised old school and didn’t have the capacity to realize that I had disorders and needed medication and therapy- she figured that by sending me to a psychiatrist everything would begin to be peachy keen ASAP. In reality, it took years and most of it on my own work. In retrospect, I give my mom credit for trying, for trying to understand and work with me. I know there are times she was frustrated and I have to remember that she is just a person and human being too. They make mistakes and have opinions and can’t always control their anger and hurt, they have their own holds up and disorders and depressions. Parents especially take their children’s unhappiness very personally and once they feel like they are losing control can use some pretty shitty tactics to try to control their children. I know she is not expressing it in the best way at all (god, I can’t express how much I believe she is saying some crappy things to you) but realize it’s not really personal- it’s emotion and stress and despair. I know that she is only that concerned because she truly wants to make you happy and for you to be happy and she just has her own ideas on how it is done.

Next time she goes nuts, just tell her “thank you for caring enough about me to share” as much as it hurts you are only getting feedback because she thinks she knows what is right for you. It will completely throw her off and probably shut her up.

Granted, it took me years to be able to do this and to realize all of this and it will take you time… no amount of advice can speed up your process of self acceptance and self awareness. Just know that it will pass, you do love her, she loves you and someday in the future you will look back at this hardship and realize how much more you appreciate your life now.

On a practical note, maybe consider family counseling or counseling with your mom and you- it’s better, I’ve done it. You have a safe, controlled environment with a mediator who can help you guys learn to communicate more effectively and help you understand why each of you reacts the way you do. I’m a big believer in communication and understanding to get through any situation. Regardless of everything I’ve said, I am very sorry that you have to go through this… you are loved and a wonderful person so please hold on.

 

[giz2000]

I was a therapist for many years, and I have to agree 100% with YvetteJeanine...you have to take care of yourself first. You cannot be responsible for your mother, as much as you love her. You have to deal with your situation and she has to deal with hers. She appears to have a lot of issues, and she needs help. Something tells me, though, that she won't go see anyone because I am pretty sure that she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.

You are beautiful and you do not look like a lesbian. Your mother is manipulating you, and yes, what she does is abuse (verbal/emotional). I am very sorry that you and your family is going through this. Please don't try to hurt yourself...it's not going to solve anything. You really need to see your doctor...remember, right now, you come first. HUgs to you, and hang in there...

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah that's pretty much my point too, what YvetteJeanine & giz2000 commented. I just sort of went off on my rambling as usual =)

Do take care of yourself first and realize your mom needs help and she is just reacting. I know you love her and want to count on her, but take what you can get and do what it takes to have what you want.

 

[Pascal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by giz2000 I was a therapist for many years, and I have to agree 100% with YvetteJeanine...you have to take care of yourself first. You cannot be responsible for your mother, as much as you love her. You have to deal with your situation and she has to deal with hers. She appears to have a lot of issues, and she needs help. Something tells me, though, that she won't go see anyone because I am pretty sure that she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. You are beautiful and you do not look like a lesbian. Your mother is manipulating you, and yes, what she does is abuse (verbal/emotional). I am very sorry that you and your family is going through this. Please don't try to hurt yourself...it's not going to solve anything. You really need to see your doctor...remember, right now, you come first. HUgs to you, and hang in there...

yes I know she thinks that she's perfect and that everyone else is terrible and wrong. In my experience with my mom is that she doesn't know how to express her feelings in a calm/rational manner. She thinks that the only way to get through to people or get what she wants done from people is to yell at them, scream at threm and belittle them, then she thinks that she got the job done and her message has been received loud and clear. Also she is inconsiderate of other feelings, when she is angry she will shout words out and try to scare us off, she thinks that the louder her voices, and the more derogitory her words are the more clearer her message will be. But it's only more hurtful and annoying is what it is. She says that theres nothing wrong with her, that theres something wrong with all of us she said this morning her concience is clear and that she has no guilt because she is not wrong, she still thinks that if she wants to relay a message to me about my appearance that she can yell, scream, shout it all at me and call me names, and that will get the job done her point will be made and I will automatically transform into what she sees as appropriate...

 

[Beauty Mark]

You cannot help those who do not want help, unfortunately. ITA that your first responsible is your own well being.

It's sad your mother is insulting to so many people that love her. Is there anyone you both know who would talk to her? I don't know what's wrong with her, but she sounds like a troubled woman.

Take care of yourself. Ending your life or harming yourself doesn't help the situation, even though it can feel like that at the time.

 

[Pascal]

I left my mom alone all day yesterday too cool her heels and she finally did. When I got home she hugged me and told me she loves me, I know she does and I love her too, but I told her the only thing that hurts is not when she's mad at me, but when she starts the name calling, and derogitory name calling, that's what hurts. She said sorry and we're back to normal, and no hard feelings, she and my dad are okay now too, thank GOD for that.

 

[GalleyGirl]

It sounds like she has really bad mood swings. Has this been an ongoing thing throughout your life, or has it just gotten really bad recently?
Regardless, I think you may want to save up some money just so you always have the option of moving out, because the situation sounds really toxic at times...who would want to go home for fear of being denigrated and called names? (completely unfounded by the way, pictures as gorgeous as yours make me never want to put up any of mine, because mine could just never be as good!)
Are you seeing a therapist? Is she? If not, can you or your dad convince her to? She sounds like she has a lot of anger issues, that get taken out on you guys. My mom was like this for awhile, only she took them out on my dad only.

 

[KAIA]

Let me tell you something from my own experience... .
This is what happened to me... my grandmother is bipolar she's 80 years old and she has to take valium or she goes crazy. My mother had attempted suicide (even i front of me when i was little), so she has serious problems.. as for me.. is not surprise when i was 15 i was in psicological treatment for major depressive disorder and bulimia nervosa ... with this i want to say ... WE HAVE TO STOP THIS! we have to take care of ourselves first otherwise whoever will be around us, will suffer and is not fair ... i'm scared sometimes that i can be able to hurt my own child the way my grandma did to my mom and the way my mom did it to me.. =(
And yeah, it hurts sooooo bad when your own mom tells you things like that.. i live 2 hours far from my mother and ia haven't seen her for a year and a half because the last time i went to visit her... instead of hugging me or whatever! at least saying i'm happy to see you, she started with ...ewww i don't like your hair, you don't know how to dress, you gained weight... blah blah blah that just killed me ... since then i honestly don't feel any interest un visit her ... i hope everything will work great for you , best wishes.