Mother in law~! Has she gone insane?

[xxManBeaterxx]

My mother in law.. called and asked to talk to my husband... after they hung up he explained everything she said.. Basically ill give you a quick blast form the past. She kicked out her own son out of the house at 19 years old, with nothing. She cancels his health insurance, his cell phone, and stops paying for his college education.. this was after they got into a very small argument about the computer.. i was there... So thats when me and him decided to live together to cut back on expenses and it was my parents who helped the both of us since. Then i found out she let his sisters boyfriend live with her and started treating him like her son, if some of you remember his sister is mentally unstable and she would do anything to make her happy, everything but the right thing that is.. She pays for his trips, cell phone bill, buys him dinner every night, while me and him were busting ass. I know his kid that the sister is dating since hes not much younger than me, and he is trouble, his parents kicked him out of the house at 16. And its been a few years but they are still together and she still pays everything for him.

..Fastforward to now.. oh how i utterly and totally disprespect this woman... She has the nerve to call and say i'm in deep fiancial problems, i NEED 11,000 dollars by the last week of august sent to me, she kept on repeating I NEED IT. She lives in a 2 bedroom apartment for like 1300 a month and she makes 75k a year as a manager for biotech medical testing, shes not married, has no morgage, has absolutely no bills except for living expenses and its not like she has any materialistic things since the last time i went over to her apartment.. how can this woman be so poor? Money just doesnt dissapear if you dont spend it.

She wont stop calling and bugging us and its really pissing me off. I know she sends money to the filipines where her family lives, and i know she goes to atlantic city to gamble once in a while, but honestly 75k a year is a lot how the hell can she be in trouble????? My husband feels like he needs to pay her the money, but thes the type of guy who is like whatevers who cares if i only need to spend 11,000 to keep this woman away from me its fine by me, she already lost her son plus her grandchildren.

Honestly.. im so upset right now i cant even think straight, how can anyone have that much nerve!!!! And hes actually going to give the money, honestly... I cant stop him, i didnt earn that money, he did, so i really dont have much say.. but still...

 

[User93]

I think your husband should ask her what she needs money for first of all. How is your financial situation now? Do you actually have this money to give her, cause you have a daughter, and are living on your own. I think you should find out what she needs it for, cause whatever she did, she stays his Mom, and may really need some help. But after everything you told about her.. I would give her 1-2 k maybe and say "sorry, we dont have no more to give you".

 

[HOTasFCUK]

I personally don't think you guys should help her out after what she did to her own son. Its amazing how people want you when its about money. His mother needs to understand that your husbands duties are to support his wife and children because they are his responsibility. Majority of these situation will never get their money back & i don't think it will get rid of her. In fact, she will keep hitting you guys up for more! $11,000 isn't small cash either. Instead of bothering your husband and you, she should be asking her daughter & her boyfriend who actually live with her & use up household expenses to start helping out! You guys are your own family now & need to think of yourselves first. What if you have financial troubles or want to send your kids to college? If a MIL was so disrespectful and asked for cash, i would freak out! I'm sure your husband must feel like he's in a tight spot but it stopped being his problem as soon as she decided she didn't want her son to be her responsibility anymore & kick him out! I hope you & your husband can come to a good agreement. It doesn't matter who earned that money. His number one priority should be his wife & kids & that's who should benefit from the money, not his mother! Sorry if i sound harsh but i would never give a penny to someone who is considered family but would disrespect me, then come around when i'm only good for money! Hell nooooooo!!!

Good luck hun & keep us updated!!!

 

[Shaquille]

your husband should ask his mom what she needs it for, then pay for it himself instead of giving the money to her.

I can understand maybe your husband feels sorry or anything similar, afterall she's still his mom.

but you said it yourself, money doesn't just disappear if you don't spend it, so he has to know what the deal is, what she needs it for, and if he really wants to help her, he has to do what's right, pays for it himself or give her what she needs (if she needs money to eat, give her food instead, not the money, etc).

just my 2 cents

 

[Beauty Mark]

11k is A LOT of money. This sounds like some mafia thing, like in a movie. I hate being nosy, but you probably don't have that much money to spare, right? Why would you give it to her, especially given how she's treated you?

I think that your husband needs to not give her the money. He will never see it again. While you didn't earn that money, do you two share finances? If so, it is your money as well.

Also, once you loan money to a greedy, selfish relative, they will NEVER stop bugging you for more money. Make damn sure your boyfriend knows that. Not only will he be out 11k, but also he will never be left alone and possibly be guilted into giving more money to her.

If, after you talk to him about it (beyond the personal, it doesn't appear like it's really practical for you two), he still wants to give the money, have him ask her why she needs it and then directly pays for it.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I agree; your husband needs to find out what she needs it for and offer to LOAN some of it to her. Family ties and friendships are often burnt over stupid things like money, but $11,000 isn't chump change.

My boyfriend is struggling with the same thing with his mother. After his dad died several years ago, she just hasn't been the same (mentally). She has premium cable installed in her bedroom--but she doesn't go in there. She doesn't sleep in there, she has things strewn around it like a storage closet. She had brand new furniture and a posturpedic mattress delivered, promising she'd sleep in there. Doesn't sleep in there. Her doctor has already told her if she doesn't stop sleeping on her couch and start sleeping in a real bed that supports her back and neck, she's gonna be hunched over and feeble in just a few short years. So she's been seeing a chiropracter--whose practice is outside of what her medical benefits cover, so she's paying for it out of pocket mostly--and getting massages to fix her back problem. She eats out every single night, but she grocery shops. We threw away probably $200 worth of expired, rotten, molded or freezer burnt food last night. She picked a fight with him about "wasting" food. It's ridiculous.
I told him to stop giving her cash; he helps out around the house by giving her a few hundred dollars a month to help out with bills. But she sees that as extra money for her to spend however. The solution we came up with was for him to open a checking account and write checks toward the bills he's helping pay. Rather than give her cash that she can spend however, the check to the cable company goes towards the cable bill. The check to the phone company goes to the phone bill etc etc. He knows what his money is being spent on, that way if she does something foolish with hers, he knows bills are still getting paid and she's not wasting his hard earned cash.

I know you and your husband's situation is different; but if she's borrowing money from you guys, it's important that you both know where it's going, and before it's loaned to her (or given, however you guys do it) you both need to agree on giving/loaning it to her and an amount that won't hurt the two of you financially. By handing her cash, you could be supporting a bad habit she might be hiding from you. So whatever it is she "needs" this money so bad for, you guys need to know what it is, and if you can afford it and are willing to help her, do it in a way that ensures your money is being used legitimately toward that particular "need" she has.

Best of luck; I know it's a difficult situation. I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I are thinking about marriage, and though his mother is a very nice woman and has been nothing but kind to me, her problems with money worry me terribly because I know eventually they'll trickle down and become "our" problems and put a strain on my relationship with him and our relationship with her.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

I'll try to be brief by just saying that true generosity benefits BOTH the giver and the reciever. If you [you and your partner] are not at a point right now where you can benefit from the situation, don't do it. Benefitting doesn't mean getting something out if it, or getting something back, it just means you won't be putting yourself at a disadvantage for it. I'm guessing that you two WILL be set back if you give her that money, so my advice is to just tell her no, and wish her the best.

Maybe she had a little too much fun at the casino and racked up some debt that she can't pay. Who knows. But you two should't have to concern yourselves with it, since she surely didn't show you the same compassion.

 

[aleksis210]

He's your husband ....his money is your money. Maybe the mother is doing drugs (you NEVER know) or has a gambling problem...whatever it is my intuition is telling me this money is for something bad. Also, what is it with guys and their mothers?!?!? If it was one of my parents I'd tell them straight forward 'I don't have that kind of money and how dare you ask me'...put your foot down. seriously.

 

[PolyphonicLove]

Wow, he's not going to consider how SELFISH that hag was when she kicked him out with NOTHING to his name? He has a hell of a lot more heart than me; if MY mother did that, I'd tell her to fuck off and have fun in hell. Dead serious. That would be more than enough reason to cut all ties.

I hope he realizes that if he DOES give her this money, she will continue to ask for more. And before you know it, oops, your man is broke! And guess who WON'T be paying him back? That's right, mommy dearest.

Grr I'm sorry, I'm getting mad thinking about my own situation. ;-;

Either way, whatever happens, I wish you the best! Make sure he asks the woman what she needs that money for before he goes on throwing it away. xx

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

We dont share finances, i do know how much he has but we have 2 separate accounts i'm the poorer of the two obviously lol. And 2 joint accounts for bills and savings and he has his stocks. He has been working for 4 1/2 years now as a real estate agent soon to be broker he does have money to spare. But i cant STOP HIM, i dont know what else to tell him, i do not want him giving all that money to this woman who has never helped us in any way shape or form financially or emotionally. I'm honestly ready to get ourselves new cell phone numbers, and just tell her no.

my friends arent even married yet!!! most of them at 22 years old are still immature a little.. i cant talk to them about this nor do i want my parents to know about this, any advice how do i convince him this is not a good idea!!! =[ =[ =[ =[ =[ =[

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think the most compelling point you can make is that she will NEVER stop asking for money

I think he needs to ask her what she needs the money for. If she has some kind of addiction, not only is he going to be hit up for more money in the future, but also, he's enabling an addict.

At the end of the day, though, you can't really do anything. And it sucks.