Murder

[MisStarrlight]

My best friend's little sister was killed a few months back (September). Her boyfriend "accidentally" shot her. He was charged with Man 2.

They just had the grand jury last week & I'm going home this week to be there when they get the verdict. We're really worried that they will drop the charges down to Criminally Negligent Homocide or even worse-that he will be charged as a minor (he's 17), and get nothing more than probation or something.

So I guess my question is, how do I deal with it (& help the family deal with it) if the grand jury is lenient on him? I live 6 hours away from everything & was able to take off 3 days this week, but I really can't afford to be out of work, but I need to be there for everyone. Is there an easy way to take care of this & help everyone?

 

[Beauty Mark]

Could you see if you would be able to get extra hours or switch schedule so that you work the same amount but just at different time? I would try to be there, even if it's only for the day.

If not, I would make sure to let your friend know that it isn't that you don't care about them but you have to work for money. If they have an idea of when the trial will be over, I'd call the minute the time hits or tell them to call you whenever they can and be sure to be beside your phone at that point.

If it's possible, I'd go back the weekend following or whenever you get a chance. In some ways, that may be better, because they're probably going to be flooded with people the first day. I'd also make good with seeing them frequently, keeping in contact, etc.

There's no really good way to deal with a lower sentence. For them, all you can do is listen to their hurt and anger. For yourself, you're going to have to somehow make peace with it... It doesn't help, but I can't imagine people will look at that guy too kindly if they know what happened

 

[Shimmer]

Please consider victims' family counseling. It's such a great resource for situations like this.

 

[MisStarrlight]

I'm on my way up there today & will be there until Thurs night, so it's not that I won't be there for the verdict, but it's afterward i'm worried about.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Just let them know you're there for them and make good with that. Call frequently to check up (keep it up for a while, not just the first month) and listen when they talk, but never force the issue of making them talk about it. That's all you can really do. Grieving is such a personal thing, so it's hard to say how they'll handle the time afterwards. My mother died when I was a kid (not from murder or anything), and just knowing that others care and don't abandon you means so much.

 

[prinzessin784]

Oh my god that's terrible! I don't really know what to say other than do what you can do be with them. Sometimes just having a friend around to lean on or cry with can really help in such an awful situation. I hope he gets what he deserves for that! I'll be thinking of you!!

 

[NutMeg]

I agree with the idea of calling frequently, and not just for the first month. One of the worst parts of losing someone you love and dealing with the grieving proccess is when everyone stops asking and expects you to be ok. Make sure that they know that they can take as long as they need to be alright and that you'll be there to listen every step of the way. Even if you can't be there in person, everyone likes to know that someone is making the effort to be there however they can.

 

[MisStarrlight]

As an update....the DA didn't call until after I had to leave, but the next morning my friend's family got the call.

He is going to be charged with both criminally negligent homocide as well as man 2...so basically he will be getting a minimum of 1-3 years. Now we just have to wait for the trial or the plea deal to come through.