My best friend's ex.

[KAIA]

I LIKE HIM.... A LOT!
so, I've been friend with Iris for 7 years, she's one of my best friends.
Few months ago, her ex (Renzo) and I started to talk (well "talk" we basically just chat through the msn) and the more we "talk" the more I like him, and he likes me too, he told me that a couple of weeks ago, we talk on the phone, and all that..
Right now, I'm here (USA) he is in Peru, and I'll be flying in few months to Peru, so we'll see each other... (that's not the reason of why I'm travelling)
Anywho.. I just don't know HOW TO TELL HER that I like him, and all that.. I mean, she's going to find out.... I just don't want her to find out, through other people.
I don't know SO much about their relationship, she didn't talked so much about it while they were together.. all I know is that, they were together 2 years (2002-2004) he was her first "serious" boyfriend, and she dumped him, because she liked another guy.
I don't know what's going to happen in the future.. let's say Renzo and I start to going out.... that will make me a really bad friend?

 

[Hilly]

IMHO, I am all about "Chicks before dicks"...meaning friends over a dude. If this is one of your best friends, you may risk hurting her and ruining your relationship. I would stay away.

I had a friend make out with an ex of mine several times, and even though he was an ex- i still didnt forget it.

There are so many dudes out there, but your BFF are far and few.

 

[goink]

I would be pretty mad if one of my close friend dated any of my ex's.

A simple answer to ask yourself: Do you value your friendship with your friend more or a relationship with Renzo more?

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Well...
First off, let me say that your friend was with this guy for 2 years (which is a good amount of time) and she left him because she liked another guy? there might be more to that story..i couldn't imagine being with my bf for 2 years and just up and leaving him for some other guy. you know what i mean??

If you don't want your friend to hear it from someone else, then tell her. I would just be honest with her. Don't beat around the bush and don't procrastinate. You can just go straight to her and let her know how you're feeling. You guys have been friends for 7 years so i dont think its that hard to be honest with her.

Ask her how she feels about the situation. Make sure she's being honest with you. There guys from my past, and I could give two shits if any one of my friends started talking to them. She might not care at all. But then again, she might. I would just make sure you talk to her about it, and see where her head is. If she doesn't feel comfortable with you talking to him, then decide whats more important: your friend or this guy. And then go from there.

you never know until you give it a try. and don't assume anything. if you really like this guy, and your friend is okay with it, then theres no reason why you shouldn't go for him. Good luck

 

[xsnowwhite]

yeah if my best friend was dating my ex i would be upset.
I mean yeah its her ex but still...its her ex. Idk if that makes sense but i just wouldnt do it.

 

[CaraAmericana]

I had a friend who came to me and said that she was in love with my ex. I told her it was ok because it is love and he didn't do anything to hurt me, we just grew apart and lost interest. Love is great and if she thinks that he is the one, than who am I?
BUT if she was a skank and just slept with him and then tried to blame it on liquor and then never told me and I had to find out from the guy himself, then I kick the whore's ass. That bitch Shannon. grrr

 

[MACATTAK]

I'd have to agree with some of the posts above. If you are prepared to lose your best friend, go for it. If you value the friendship more, don't do it. It's almost an unwritten law that you don't do that sort of thing to your friends...or at least the ones you really care about

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I dated my Best friends ex... Big Mistake, she dumped him for a reason..

Her and I are still BFF, but... I wish I would have taken her advice when she said "well ok but he is a loser"

I would never ever do it again.

 

[BeautyPsycho]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hilly IMHO, I am all about "Chicks before dicks"...meaning friends over a dude. If this is one of your best friends, you may risk hurting her and ruining your relationship. I would stay away. There are so many dudes out there, but your BFF are far and few.

I agree. Even if she says she's ok with it, most likely- she's not. I mean, they shared all those private moments together... You start dating him and can't avoid talking about him... Imagine that talk- "Oh, his kissing is so sexy!" she- "oh yea, does he still do that thing with his tongue?"

I couldn't deal with that, no matter if I was an ex, or dating my friend's ex.

 

[Jacq-i]

Hmm...

Here's my story. I dated a guy for 2 weeks, then he dumped me, lol. Then, about a year later I ended up dating one of his best friends. It was weird because the three of us, me + bf + exbf used to hang out ALL THE TIME before I started dating the new bf. Once the dating started things were awkward, and we never really hung out the same way. Ultimately, my exbf aren't really friends at all anymore, but my bf and exbf are still friends...

Since my exbf quickly replaced me with another girl, I guess he didn't really care/mind? I don't know.

I'd say try talking to her about it. I've only had a few bf's, but the only one I'd care about dating another friend is my current bf. Everyone else is up for grabs, haha.

 

[CaitlinRH7]

I'm sorry.


Off limits.


Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

There's plenty of other guys in the world to be interested in. One of your closest friends' exes is probably not the last guy you'll ever fall for.

<--- TOTALLY not trying to be a beeotch!!!

Just sayin...

If it were me.. I'd be SOOO disappointed my friend would even let it get to that point. And I'd hate for you to have to go through that feeling of self-guilt...over something that "could" have been prevented!!!

GOOD LUCK SWEETHEART!!!

 

[msmack]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I wouldn't do it. Period. I couldn't agree more with the above poster!

 

[KAIA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaitlinRH7 There's plenty of other guys in the world to be interested in. One of your closest friends' exes is probably not the last guy you'll ever fall for. <--- TOTALLY not trying to be a beeotch!!!

You are not being a "beeotch", not at all, is your opinion, and that's cool.
And actually, I was expecting replys like this. I have exBF's too, and I obviously put myself in that position.. how would I feel, If Iris would like one of my BF's.. I had only ONE special boyfriend.. and I would feel hurt, but for the rest... not really.... I wouldn't care.
I talked to her yesterday, and let her know, that Renzo and I are talking, and all that, she only said, really? well, I don't talk to him so much, we don't see each other that much anyway (they used to go to the same unversity) and after that, she kept telling me about this other guy she likes now...
To me it sounded like she doesn't mind, but, who knows..
Anyway I don't date this guy, and I'll b etravelling next year.. so I'm more likely to let this "feeling" go away...

 

[chako012]

yea..depends on how she feels about the guy.......?? if it was a serious bf of mine and my bf went out with him then i'd b pissed but if i didun carem uch about the ex in the first place then go right ahead

 

[user79]

I'd just be honest with her and ask her how she feels if you wanted to date or get involved with him. She might be totally over him and not care, it depends how she feels about him. If I had a friend who wanted to date one of my ex's, I wouldn't give a damn...

Then if she says she's not ok with it, well then you'll pretty much have to choose between your friend or the guy.

 

[Jot]

its a hard one to judge. however i know this couple who dated and broke up and ended up moving to a shared house together. one of the girls there is now with the guy and the two girls are best friends!
everyone is different and would react differently, tread carefully i say

 

[dollbabybex]

i just couldnt go there...even if my friends ex was pete wentz (who im in love with!lol!) just outta principle id feel guilty...

also if you did go out with him wouldnt it feel wored knowing your friend has had sex with him and he used to be in love with her?

 

[MsCuppyCakes]

Good for you for being up front and honest. Atleast now, even if nothing comes from "talking" if the fact that the two of you had become friends it won't be a weird/tense situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAIA You are not being a "beeotch", not at all, is your opinion, and that's cool. And actually, I was expecting replys like this. I have exBF's too, and I obviously put myself in that position.. how would I feel, If Iris would like one of my BF's.. I had only ONE special boyfriend.. and I would feel hurt, but for the rest... not really.... I wouldn't care. I talked to her yesterday, and let her know, that Renzo and I are talking, and all that, she only said, really? well, I don't talk to him so much, we don't see each other that much anyway (they used to go to the same unversity) and after that, she kept telling me about this other guy she likes now... To me it sounded like she doesn't mind, but, who knows.. Anyway I don't date this guy, and I'll b etravelling next year.. so I'm more likely to let this "feeling" go away...

 

[kimmy]

i'm going to be honest here, i'm usually a hoes before bros kind of person, like hilly.

i dated this guy one time who turned out to be extremely abusive and was into all kinds of bad stuff (like dealing drugs, shoplifting, armed robberies...!) and he did some really messed up stuff to me. i told my best friend at the time what he did and she agreed that what he had done was unforgivable. she had liked him the entire time we dated, and she asked me how i felt about her having a go at him. i begged and pleaded with her not to because of the things he put me through, but she proceeded to sleep with him for a few weeks. her life hasn't been the same since, he messed her up bad. some of the things he did to me, i didn't tell her about, but i told her the majority.

if a girl breaks up with a guy, she usually has a good reason and that reason is usually something she doesn't want any of her friends to go through. so i'd say you might want to discuss it with her first, because there might be some things she knows about him that she learned the hard way, and if you talk to her first she might be able to save you some heartache with this guy.