My life is just a mess
- Thread starter ette
- Start date
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Sometimes family sucks. I know that isn't helpful, but I can't say anything else. I'm sorry for your loss. My friend lost her father as a kid in high school, and no one helped her or her mother with anything. No trust (they were poor to begin with), nothing. She managed to get through it without too much trouble (doesn't talk to her family much), so while everything seems overwhelming now, I think you'll be able to get through it.
The important thing now is to focus on yourself and the grieving process. One of my friends let it build up and it hurt her a lot in the end. I'm sure your teachers will be more than understanding about extensions and what not. If you can't get ahold of your own grief counselor, I'd try another one.
The important thing now is to focus on yourself and the grieving process. One of my friends let it build up and it hurt her a lot in the end. I'm sure your teachers will be more than understanding about extensions and what not. If you can't get ahold of your own grief counselor, I'd try another one.
LisaR
Well-known member
Ette, I can so empathize with you! My youngest sister died "supposedly" by her own hand just 7 weeks ago. My BIL whom I thought we'd been close to all these years never called any of her family to let us know, never asked us about the arrangements, nor have we heard from him since...including her own daughter. My questions and anger towards this man and someone else have, at times, gotten the better of me but at some point I realized that it was doing me more harm than good.
BeautyMarked is so right when she says that you need to focus on your own grief. Hanging on to the anger of what others are doing only gives you something to focus on besides what you really need to be focusing on and that's your own grief and your own healing.
I also lost my father when I was young (20 yrs old). It's devastating, can change the way your entire family functions but you have a choice in how you handle it, Ette. Don't let it be something that balls up inside you and become something unhealthy that you nuture and, eventually have to deal with in therapy down the road. Anger is part of the grieving process and through grief counseling you can better pinpoint who and what it is you're truly angry at.
Finally, I think it's so great that you reach out here and I hope you're doing it with friends and via other ways at home. I have never been good at that but know that it does help. You're one step ahead of the game by being able to talk about what's going on and how you're feeling about it.
Like BeautyMarked said, if you're not getting relief and help with your current counselor, try another grief counselor. Also, grief counseling in a group setting also helps. It's difficult if you're not one that opens up easily but it helps to show that what you're going through is (and I hate this word) normal considering the circumstances.
Thoughts and prayers to you, Ette. I hope you recieve some emotional relief soon, girl.
Lisa
BeautyMarked is so right when she says that you need to focus on your own grief. Hanging on to the anger of what others are doing only gives you something to focus on besides what you really need to be focusing on and that's your own grief and your own healing.
I also lost my father when I was young (20 yrs old). It's devastating, can change the way your entire family functions but you have a choice in how you handle it, Ette. Don't let it be something that balls up inside you and become something unhealthy that you nuture and, eventually have to deal with in therapy down the road. Anger is part of the grieving process and through grief counseling you can better pinpoint who and what it is you're truly angry at.
Finally, I think it's so great that you reach out here and I hope you're doing it with friends and via other ways at home. I have never been good at that but know that it does help. You're one step ahead of the game by being able to talk about what's going on and how you're feeling about it.
Like BeautyMarked said, if you're not getting relief and help with your current counselor, try another grief counselor. Also, grief counseling in a group setting also helps. It's difficult if you're not one that opens up easily but it helps to show that what you're going through is (and I hate this word) normal considering the circumstances.
Thoughts and prayers to you, Ette. I hope you recieve some emotional relief soon, girl.
Lisa
kimmy
Well-known member
i feel for you, Ette. don't worry though, things are tough now, but they will get better!
family can't always be depended on. when my parents got a divorce, we got lucky that my mom's mom was so generous. we lived with her for a while and she provided us with everything (food, clothes, etc) until my mom found a job. and when my mom finally had a little money saved up, my grams gave her some money for the down payment on a house. my dad's side of the family however, doesn't support anyone anymore or help anyone. my grandfather was the only one willing to help anyone (he raised my cousin as his kid because my uncle was a drunk/drug addict/criminal) and when he died, all that helping was over. the only person who helped him and my grandmother out when he was diagnosed with cancer was me and my dad. the rest of the family came by to visit, but they didn't help them out with anything...to me, it was a nightmare. my grandfather pretty much died at the hand of my grandmother, and nobdy even tried to help him except for my dad and i.
definately, check out some group counseling. and if anything, you know we're always here to listen and talk, free of charge
keep your chin up darling
family can't always be depended on. when my parents got a divorce, we got lucky that my mom's mom was so generous. we lived with her for a while and she provided us with everything (food, clothes, etc) until my mom found a job. and when my mom finally had a little money saved up, my grams gave her some money for the down payment on a house. my dad's side of the family however, doesn't support anyone anymore or help anyone. my grandfather was the only one willing to help anyone (he raised my cousin as his kid because my uncle was a drunk/drug addict/criminal) and when he died, all that helping was over. the only person who helped him and my grandmother out when he was diagnosed with cancer was me and my dad. the rest of the family came by to visit, but they didn't help them out with anything...to me, it was a nightmare. my grandfather pretty much died at the hand of my grandmother, and nobdy even tried to help him except for my dad and i.
definately, check out some group counseling. and if anything, you know we're always here to listen and talk, free of charge
ebonyannette
Well-known member
Well all I can say is stay strong. Sometimes we go through things in life and we arent sure why we are going through them or when its going to end. Bit it all serves a purpose. You are learning as you are hurting, you are learning how not to act towards family members and friends who are in need. As women we have an amazing ability to bounce back from bad situations and we look back and wonder "how did I ever make it throught" but you did and you are making it through and you will be able to help someone else because of it.
Just know that even when it seems like no one else is there for you and your mom you have each other. Enjoy every moment possible that you have with her and your brother and your other family members because life is so precious and so short. Allow yourself time to grieve, its good for the soul. if your a writter write, if your a singer sing use whatever outlet or natural ability you have to help you through your time of need.
Even with greedy relatives and unsympathetic people know that they themselves have to go through their own grief and emotions as well and some people deal with things differently than others. Money is something that families fight about alot. I have found that it is not worth it. Let it go, just pray that their own harsh words and greed doesnt turn back around on them.
You and your mom are stronger than you think, and I know your stronger than you think because of how you guys are still managing to make it even without the help of those who are "supposed" to be there for you.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is that you decide to do. I will keep you guys in my prayers. Venting is good. Keep doing it until its all out!
Just know that even when it seems like no one else is there for you and your mom you have each other. Enjoy every moment possible that you have with her and your brother and your other family members because life is so precious and so short. Allow yourself time to grieve, its good for the soul. if your a writter write, if your a singer sing use whatever outlet or natural ability you have to help you through your time of need.
Even with greedy relatives and unsympathetic people know that they themselves have to go through their own grief and emotions as well and some people deal with things differently than others. Money is something that families fight about alot. I have found that it is not worth it. Let it go, just pray that their own harsh words and greed doesnt turn back around on them.
You and your mom are stronger than you think, and I know your stronger than you think because of how you guys are still managing to make it even without the help of those who are "supposed" to be there for you.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is that you decide to do. I will keep you guys in my prayers. Venting is good. Keep doing it until its all out!
