My Mom Doesn't "Like" Me...

[chocolategoddes]

It's pretty obvious that my mom does't like me as a person. Sure, she loves me because I'm her child, but I always feel like she wishes I had a different personality.

I'm very laid-back, liberal, and humorous in ways that my mom finds distasteful. She wants be to be bubbly, girly, and more "worldly". She doesn't like the shows I watch on TV, the people I hang out with, and my personal opinions. She even gets offended by my love of makeup. My mother and I are pretty much total opposites and it disturbs her.

There was one incident in the past that has stuck with me for quite a while. My brother and I were bickering and I got him very upset. He cuddled up to my mom and she consoled him by saying, " Don't mind her. You're my favorite."

I tried to brush it off but it hurt so bad. For her to just say that right in front of me. Everytime I think about it I cry a little. Heck, I'm tearing up right now.

I don't know how to deal with this whole situation. I love who I am and I don't want to change but, C'mon my own mother has a problem with who I am. And I want to confront her about it but I don't think it'll d anything. sure, she'll be aware of my feelings but it won't change the fact that my mom doesn't "like" me.

What should I do? And thank you for reading this.

 

[MACATTAK]

First off, hugs to you. My mom pulls the same "favorite" thing too, but she tells all her children that at different times...meaning we are all her favorite. I think you should do what you mentioned...confront her. Tell her how you feel, and tell her how what she does/says makes you feel. Sometimes people don't really think about what they are doing/saying, so unless you confront them about it, it may not even cross their minds. Secondly, do you have any common interests? Shopping, movies etc? Maybe try inviting her to something that you both can do. Maybe you feel like she doesn't like you, because she feels she doesn't fit into your life.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I'm the same way with my dad. We just don't like each other. Fortunately i don't have to see him very often which helps a lot.

i also think that talking to your mum might be a good idea however she might not take it in right away.

 

[makeba]

i am soo soorry to hear this. if i were you i would confront your mom and explain to her your feelings. words are like weapons and they can damage or give life. people dont understand the amount of power that lies in the tongue and its ashame. let her know how you feel asap so you can at least know you mentioned it and tried to come to an understanding. i am not like my mom in a lot of ways and we argue some but there should never be a strong distaste becuz your personality is not like hers. get it out in the open. try going to a favorite spot to lessen the tension. hth. be blessed

 

[CaraAmericana]

I love my Mother and she loves me but we don't like each other at all and I am not just talking disagreements. I am talking outright just not like the other and how they other acts, speaks and thinks. But to me that's ok. Because I feel like I had to let myself be ok with it and eventually I allowed myself to stress out less about it and accepted that just because she brought me into this world didn't mean that we were going to click and be best friends. But my Lord we do love each other even though we don't always say it.

But just letting you know you are not alone in those feelings. I know I didn't have any wise words but if you ever just need to talk it privately, I am here for you.

 

[aquarius11]

Sweetie, you are not alone. My dad and I are the same way; we love each other but we don't "like" each other...I completely understand how you feel. Just because she is your mother, doesn't mean you will be friends or even get along...people come with all different personality types and sometimes our's don't mix with our parents, and that's ok. Love is always there, no doubt. Hugs to you! And remember, be your own "favorite" person, no one can take that away from you!

 

[_trimm_trabb]

I don't think your mother realizes the effects her words and actions have on you, and how much they hurt your feelings. She loves you. You are her own flesh and blood, and if you sit down with her and tell her how much it hurts to hear those things, I can't imagine she would continue to be cold to you.

Another thing that may also help is to show that you value her point of view in other ways, too. Since you said she's into girly stuff (although you did mention she doesn't like makeup...did you mean she just doesn't like the way you wear it?), say to her, "Hey, I wanted to go to the store and pick out a new shade of lipstick, but I'm really lost as to what would look good on me. Will you come with me and help me out?" This will show her that you look up to her and value her point of view, and maybe knowing that, she'll be more thoughtful about the things she says to/around you.

 

[chocolategoddes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by _trimm_trabb Another thing that may also help is to show that you value her point of view in other ways, too. Since you said she's into girly stuff (although you did mention she doesn't like makeup...did you mean she just doesn't like the way you wear it?).

Yeah, my mom doesn't like how bright and colorful I tend to wear my makeup. She says I look like a clown or I look like I got beat up even whe I tink I did a good job. And she doesn't like how obsessed I am wth makeup. I keep buying more and more and she doesn't like it.

And to everyone, thak you so much for your kind words.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I heard once that children actually reflect something that their parents need to learn.


There is only one chocolategoddess. Your mother is missing out by not embracing and learning about all of what makes you the unique Goddess you are.

My advice is just to continue to be you.

 

[newagetomatoz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SparklingWaves ...There is only one chocolategoddess. Your mother is missing out by not embracing and learning about all of what makes you the unique Goddess you are. My advice is just to continue to be you.

I'm going through almost the same thing with my father right now, and for about the past year. I cannot remember the last time I had an actual conversation with him. Everytime I try, he tries to turn what I'm saying into some ill-founded conjecture or prove to me that he is right. Or when I try to express myself (as in personality) he gets grouchy and complains to my sister. Just the other day, he finally discovered my traincase and makeup and gave me a "what the f*ck is wrong with you?" look.

It took me many many months to realize that we will never be like we were when I was seven. We are people too, and sometimes people just grow apart. I'm going in my direction, and he his, and sometimes they come near, but not often.

Try talking to your mother, because it may help. Whenever I have problems with my mother, I try to work it out with her withou going on the offensive, but holding my position. And 99% of the time, it works out okay. But there is alway the chance that it may not work out, as is the case with my father, and after several attempts just let it go. You are you and a beautiful, unique person. Just keep on trucking (LOL). You alway have your Specktra mommas and sisters and brothers who love ya.

 

[chocolategoddes]

you guys make me smile. thank you.

 

[Beauty Mark]

You should definitely talk to your mother when you're calm. Tell her how hurtful her comments are.

If that doesn't help, I would try to learn to distance yourself from her. I personally get emotionally wrapped up quickly and something like that would bring me down fast. Is there another relative who is more motherly than your mother? Someone you both like and love? I've had some friends have other "mothers" who meant as much, if not more, than their actual mothers

 

[lipstickandhate]

I think everyone else here has given you solid advice.

I think one of the hardest things in the world is when you finally realize your parents are human beings. Flawed human beings. And you're stuck with them.

You may try talking to your mother about her words or it may be easier to bite your own tongue and accept her short-comings.

From personal experience: my mother recently passed away and in the last year or so of her life, we became very close as a result of her illness. I know that we would not have been close otherwise and in many ways, although I wish she were here still, I am thankful that I got that brief chance at friendship with her. Prior to her illness, we did NOT get along at all. We fought horribly, to the point where I refused to consider going to college in state b/c I couldn't be near her and her negativity/personal quirks any longer.

After she got sick, she was still crazy, but I found myself more willing and able to accept her shortcomings. I wish I could say that she was one of those people who had a revelation about the meaning of life, but she wasn't. I just learned to deal with her and love her anyway b/c she's my mom.

Sometimes, the only person you can change is yourself. That said, you certainly should try to explain to her how she hurts you but at the end of the day, you might just have to grin and bear it. Or, alternatively, let her go until you feel that you two can have a healthier and more rewarding relationship.

Good luck- you and your eyeshadow sound fabulous.

 

[Artphr33k]

I'm sorry to hear that because I am going through the same exact thing. A year and a half ago (my sr yr in high school) my family pretty much made me move down to TX. From that moment, they chose what I was going and not going to do, what car i drove, what school i went to, ETC. The last year has just been TERRIBLE. I just recently started making friends and whatnot (i'm a shy person) and all that my parents and I do, is argue.

I decided last fall that I was going to move out, and they have done everything in my power to keep me from doing that. They threw away 2 couches and a table I had purchased (and won't pay me back, forget that one....!) & they even and refused to let me keep my childhood bed/mattress/vanity/night table/anything. So I'll be sleeping on the floor of my empty apartment God knows how long. They have not gotten me ONE single thing, I even have to rent my own u-haul and pay to have it driven up 10 hrs north.... and all they keep on doing is throwing away anything I had. new Silverware, new towels, new appliances....... anything you can think of.
I am a vegetarian, they are meat eaters, so they make 'family dinners' and i'm not invited. I'm just not part of their little group. If they are going together to a family party, or wedding, i better find out myself. Even though we all live under one roof.

But, ilke SparklingWaves said.... there is only one you. and if your mom doesn't appreciate it, its her loss. no one in the world is like you, and you are the only person like you, to her.

unfortunately my situation is bad enough that i have to scram to a different part of the country, but if you can avoid it, then do so. try to find things you guys have in common, and maybe (i hate to say this too) try to be extrasweet and take part in things she likes (baking, sewing, specific TV shows...?)

realize that there is nothing wrong with you!! and its unfortunate your mom does not treat you like you should be.

but most importantly.... DON'T LET HER GET YOU DOWN!!

 

[chocolategoddes]

I was thinking about this situation and I've realized that my mom takes almost everything as a personal attack. If I don't clean my room RIGHT after she tells me t, she thinks I'm disrespectng her. I'm not trying t hurt her feelings, I'm just LAZY! But my brother is such a momma's boy that he'll do anything to get on hr good side. That's probably why she loves him more than me.

 

[MACATTAK]

Girlie..you have to talk to her. If nothing comes of it, at least you tried. Figure out a good time, do it calmly and let her know how you feel. It can't hurt.

 

[freshangi]

I understand your feeling I want to share my story. You are not alone....
Some parents, more than some, even mine, have favorite ones.
Many will say talk to her and truly i want to believe it will work.
HOwever, don't get your hope up and too down if things stay the same.
In my case, my mom occasonally brings some conversations occured in the past by criticizing me for letting her know my thoughts or feelins in the past . I still hope she or your mom will come around when your brother get married or finally realizes you are the one she can rely on. When I was a little like from very little to teenagers, being the oldest daughter, my mother tended to blame things on me , even when she broke a cup of glass, it was my fault that caused it.
Until middle school, there were many severe spankings too when my little brother or sister just watched me getting them.
During my teenage year we came to america and my moter was stressed very much of the hard work shd had to do for us.
I had to deal with much verbal criticsm or nagging? from my mother. Trust me, it hurts more thatn spanking. Anyway.
I did ok in high school with good grad , and was accepted to some popular private colleges in NY with a major i wanted to persue but my mother stopped me saying she needed me after I already put some deposit.
At the time my parents started a small business, so I just went to local college with a major I wasn't that intereted in and of course lost the deposit from the private college. Things did not get any better. I was not happy and was not motivated at all which ened poor grades. It really took a long time to realize that , after out of depression, I should have left home when I had a chance.
I was tired doing all the work from my parents store, while my other siblings doing whatever they wanted. Now she is older than before and I am still living with parents that I am still behind when my friends starts getting married and have children.
There were times when mother was so mad because the daughters of her friends started getting married.
She now notices I lack some confidence and always worry that someone will blame me for their misfourtune. In my eyes I can see she feels some regreatf or things she said or done. Funny things is like mother i want to blame my family constantly, especially mother.
Now I started studying again at a local community college and of cousre studying what I wanted for many years.
What can I say? Just don't think too much about what you can do better with mother but just get along as much as you do with others. I have learnt that I would not try the best to satisfy someone but me that I am going to make a decision entirely by myself. Now I feel much better and am trying to save some money so I can get out. I am still not sure how my life will be in 2-3 yrs later, but never have felt the easiness until recently. So let's focus on how we can build our lives without hurtful memories.~!

 

[Trunkmonkey]

Don't feel too bad. My dad treated me like a second class citizen my entire life. He still does and I've spent a lot of years trying to come to terms with the fact that we'll never be close. Fortunately through his crummy parenting 'skills' I am extremely close to my children and they know I not only love each of the but I respect them as well. I love my dad because he worked hard and gave me a materially good child hood but we'll never be close. Find a way to love yourself, not iin a narcissistic way, just honest love of yourself and things will fall into place for you.