Need advice...am I in the wrong??

[pdtb050606]

Ok, so basically I'll try and make this as short as possible. Sooo, my bestie just moved back to town and ran into this guy I used to date a couple of times. He wasn't just any guy...out of all the men I had dated before he was the one person that I was truly in love with but things just weren't meant to be--and then I met my husband who I adore. So she was telling me about things they talked about and what not, and when I talked back to her I kind of felt like she was being distant. So then she suddenly says "You know if you hadn't dated him, I would...HE"S HOT!" Hmmm, ok? So after I thought about it I wondered if that was her way of seeing if I would be ok with it...which I totally WOULD NOT! I am happily married and it's not that I have feelings for him still, it's just that is the ONE guy I would not want her to date. Our relationship ended pretty badly and there was always things I wanted to say and I never got the chance-b/c the day we broke up we literally never spoke to eachother again-not once and that was 6 years ago. So am I wrong by not wanting her to be interested in him? It's just been eating away at me all day so I figured I would look to u girls to help me out here

 

[couturesista]

No your not wrong. Ur bestie should not even have went there with you about him. Its a given (in my book anyway) If a friend, family member or coworker has dated, kissed,crushed, hooked up, licked up, felt up or what ever, I don't want any dealings. PERIOD.

From what ur saying it does sound like u have something that still needs to be said to ur ex.

Bottom line, your girl is triflin!

 

[TISH1124]

I am not okay with any of my bestfriends dating a serious ex-boyfriend of mine that I was at one point in love with. A friend maybe...but not someone I was in love with and she knew about it. But that is me....I think it makes for a very uncomfortable situation for both the guy and for you. It does not matter if you are married or not...He was still a part of your past. I am very weird when it comes to matters of the heart.

 

[blindpassion]

In my opinion, its okay to feel that way. You loved the man, and a peice of your heart will always be with him. Also, the fact that you never got your closure is really hard, and makes the healing process extra tough. Id talk to her, tell her whats on your mind, if shes a good friend she will understand why it upsets you... thats my two cents.

 

[pdtb050606]

Thanks...when I asked her about it this morning she said she didn't mean it that way, but I have known her for too long and can tell when she's not being honest. Yeah there are things I would like to say to him b/c it has been with me for so long, but I wouldn't want to feel like I am betraying my husband in any way...idk I kind of think she may have crossed the line the other night, I know they were at a bar drinking and she's a very lonely girl right now.

 

[FiestyFemme]

I don't think you're in the wrong.
I've only got a couple of serious exes, but I wouldn't any of my friends to date them!
Not only because I'd dated them, but I wouldn't want my friends dealing with the drama I went through... 'cause neither of them have changed!
You said your best friend is lonely now, and that may be what this is about... if it were me, I'd let it go as long as she doesn't pursue anything further.
Just my two cents!

 

[pdtb050606]

Sooooo, my husband overheard me talking about this with my mom, and got all jealous on me. I tried explaining the situation to him and he really didn't get it. He says that I shouldn't care whatsoever since we are married now and it's been 6 years, *shrugs* I just couldn't find the right words to try and help him understand that it isn't about me still having feelings for the guy, it's just..well you know, ughhh idk???

 

[TISH1124]

Hard to explain...Not that you care about the man...It's just the principles of bff ethics LOL ....Nope my dh would not understand either....Or he might...He broke up with his ex because she was caught with one of his friends...He has been done with both of them every since. So he might get it...But doubtful.

 

[ktinagapay]

hey can i guess your sign? are an taurus or an aries? lol sorry im into that stuff just wondering....and

i was in a simalar situation except I was your friend. but we werent BEST friends, we were like hi/bye friends. me and the guy arent together anymore but I know that if i didnt have that relationship with him i wouldnt have learned what I know about relationships. i learned the most from him...but i dont know. i think every situation is different. Do what makes you happy. thats the important thing...whether thats clearing this up with your friend by finding an understanding that you both can agree with.

i know that if she was my BEST friend, i wouldnt do it. it's not worth risking the friendship.

 

[Makeupaddict88]

I would feel the same way. To give you an example, I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost 4 yrs now. We have the strongest relationship, talked about marriage the whole nine yards. Now my best friend who I absolutely love doesn't have the same luck with men. There is this guy that was my first love who I dated for almost a yr and half. When your 14 that's a huge thing haha. But anyways, her friend started dating him and I had moved on a while ago so no big deal. Well one night I invited her to come out with me and my boyfriend and she told me no that she was going to stay in for the night cause she had no money. It just so happend we had to go to Blockbuster before we were going out so I drove my car there. LOW and behold we get there and he gets out to return the movies and who pops out of the store but my best friend and ex boyfriend. If I could capture the look on her face when she walked out of that store, it would have been frame worthy. She claims nothing happend between them to this day and I just can't trust anything she says ever again. She was also asked by one of my ex's to go to prom with him, and she said yes.

So, I know where you are coming from. I would feel the exact same way. Friends should never date eachother's ex's NO matter the circumstance ever. It's just wrong.

 

[pdtb050606]

Yep, I'm totally over it--I guess it was just the first initial shock ya know. But anyways thanks for all the great advice