oh, how that tables have turned...yay :(

[kimmy]

gosh man, i post in this forum here alot, huh? hahaha, TIA for anyone who's going to read this because i know, i have alot of issues i always want advice on and it probably gets terribly annoying

BUT, it's about...my boyfriend (naturally, huh?) to bring everyone up to speed, he had a very serious problem with lying to me about various ladies even after i said he was on his last chance. i don't know that he's ever actually cheated, but i have caught him flirting online with old flames (i know, it's "just" online, but i was still really tore up over it)

through all that, i was there for him no matter what. when his parents would fight and he needed someone to talk to, i'd be there. when he was down on himself, i was there to cheer him up. i was totally gung-ho about keeping the relationship together when he, clearly, was not.

it's been probably 2 months since his last terrific lie (which for him, is a lifetime) but i feel now like the damage that he did to me, and to us, can't be fixed. either it can't be, or i just don't feel like trying (working on a relationship for an entire year where the other party doesn't seem to give a damn can really be tiring, i suppose) now he's more attached than ever, talking about moving in together and getting married and all this other stuff. i told him i said "i wouldn't get my hopes up, don't plan this shit out too far in advance, let's try to just take it day by day" you know?

it's like we've switched roles. i used to be the one who was really serious about making us work, and he didn't give a fuck...and now it's almost the opposite.

i love him, for sure. but sometimes now, even just being around him hurts because when i look at him i see the man that never had time for me, and then when he did, he spent that time lying to me and flirting with other ladies. i see that man who ruined my self esteem after it took so long to build back up. i see that man i would die for even though for more than half of our relatioship didn't even repsect or love me enough to tell me the truth about anything.

is this maybe my heart telling me it's time to give it up? or does every relationship hit these kinds of rocky spots at some point or another?

 

[YvetteJeannine]

From what your posts say..I see a man who wants a chase...simple as that. Every time you (or another gal) is there for him, he can't be bothered...but when someone finally decides they're sick of his bs, he's ready to do/say anything..

Looks like this one may not be ready for a commitment...if you moved in with him (from the pattern *I* see, anyway), I think he'll just get bored again; and you'll be left feeling in the lurch. You'll be depressed, and wondering what you did wrong (when, clearly it's not you...it's HIM...it sounds like this guy will never let himself be happy with somone). Plus, you'll be stuck in an apartment with him.

If you want an opinion, I would say it's time to learn from the past, and pack it up. There's NOTHING you did...and nothing you CAN DO. There are some men that just refuse to be committed. They see it as a "trap"....as soon as you walk away, though..he's right there for you...is that really what you want out of a man? You are a beautiful, special girl who deserves to be loved and adored....not sitting at home waiting for him; wondering where he is and who he's with.

 

[MarniMac]

Quote:

i love him, for sure. but sometimes now, even just being around him hurts because when i look at him i see the man that never had time for me, and then when he did, he spent that time lying to me and flirting with other ladies. i see that man who ruined my self esteem after it took so long to build back up. i see that man i would die for even though for more than half of our relatioship didn't even repsect or love me enough to tell me the truth about anything.

I HATE to be a naysayer...but I had a similar relationship to what you had (all relationships are different mind you) but in my experience...men don't change. They may APPEAR to change, but they don't really. The best advice I can give to any girl is to wait until you found Mr. Perfect...you know someone who is trustworthy, loyal, dependable, hardworking, loving, etc...even though he may have small foibles, its the big stuff that counts. Just keep telling yourself that it will be worth it to find someone AMAZING to spend the rest of your life with...you will thank yourself later! Good luck hon

 

[asnbrb]

I'm sorry, but it sounds like the guy needs to grow the hell up.

I think it might be healthier for you to leave the situation.

 

[kimmy]

i know it's been quite a while since i posted this, but i think i'm ready to call it quits...i didn't think it would be this hard though, i feel so dead

 

[Bre]

Oh lovely yes it's going to be hard but it might be the best thing in the long run

Trust is so very hard to get back, you know how it goes, it's given so freely at the begining but once shattered it's a MASSIVE job to get it back

Yes all relationships can hit rock bottom and these are defining moments, if you can get through it you will come out stronger as a couple

I guess what you need to do is weigh up the good versus the bad, does the good stuff out weigh the bad stuff. Do you really believe he can change his tune and most importantly, is he willing to do it

I believe good relationships can only work if both parties are working towards making each other happy, which comes from care, honesty and trust

What ever you decide to do it is going to be hard but you will get through it and if you trust yourself and your decisions then you are going to make the right one

 

[little teaser]

well i dont think theres a mr prefect every one has some type of flaw im not talking physical either but if you love him then i would say it's worth trying people can change although with a guy it dont happen offten but yes i think every couple goes through a rough patch some come out better and stronger others dont depending on the damage that was done but i guess both people have to still be in love, love is what holds it together and commited to makeing changes for the better but if theres no trust then i really dont know thats hard to commit yourself to someone you dont trust then i would say move on either way i wish you luck and keep us posted..

 

[Jacq-i]

I'm in almost the same boat with my on-again/off-again boyfriend. He did the whole lie to me, e-mail ex's behind my back, and lied when I asked if he did. Anyway... For me, I made a list of the pros and cons of him, and realized that over the past year, most of my time with him was crappy, and filled with his promises to make things better. I stuck it out for so long, because I hoped that things would somehow get better, somehow work, since I love him so much. Then I realized his empty promises just reflect his love for me; empty. I don't think he really loves me, and I cannot spend my life waiting for him to love me back and fix things on his part. I'm tired of the lies, the waiting, the frustration...

If he reallyl does love me, he will stop the lies, he will change back to how we were when we were happy. But until then, we just can't be together.

 

[macface]

sometimes guys dont know what they until they loose it.and you already hit that stage when you dont give a shit anymore and thats normal for you to feel like that.maybe it will take time for you to work it out but thats his fault now. good luck

 

[Raerae]

To quote JoJo...

You say you dream of my face,
But you dont like me, you just like the chase.

What drives me nuts is when things go bad with a guy and he has to act all like he never cared or ever wanted you etc. Like it was impossible for him to have EVER been into you, and that it was all in your head. Yet the day before he was doing everything he could to get into your pants.