Please help me
- Thread starter User93
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Willa
Well-known member
Its ok you know, you can share your feelings, people here are usually very understanding
I never really experienced a situation like that because I always make sure that everything is clear with people around me, including my man. Maybe (and Im just saying it from what I can read) you needed a situation like this one to think about where this relationship is going.
I mean, because you're saying that you know it wouldnt last for ever because of the distance between you both, and also by the way you described what he said about ''his future love life'', not really including you in it...
I don't know all the facts, I know it's hard to make a decision like that, but honey, don't hurt yourself too much on that relationship, because clearly he doesnt seem to like you as much as you do.
You WILL survive this, you are a whole person on your own. Take some time to sit back and think about it. I'm not saying you should leave him, but you don't deserve to be sad for someone.
You deserve to be happy, have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who loves you as much as you do.
I never really experienced a situation like that because I always make sure that everything is clear with people around me, including my man. Maybe (and Im just saying it from what I can read) you needed a situation like this one to think about where this relationship is going.
I mean, because you're saying that you know it wouldnt last for ever because of the distance between you both, and also by the way you described what he said about ''his future love life'', not really including you in it...
I don't know all the facts, I know it's hard to make a decision like that, but honey, don't hurt yourself too much on that relationship, because clearly he doesnt seem to like you as much as you do.
You WILL survive this, you are a whole person on your own. Take some time to sit back and think about it. I'm not saying you should leave him, but you don't deserve to be sad for someone.
You deserve to be happy, have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who loves you as much as you do.
rbella
Well-known member
I think the important thing to keep in mind is that you WILL survive without him. Let's of course hope things turn out for the best, but you are strong enough to continue living without him. It is normal to be petrified of losing someone you love. I'm sorry that happened to you.
That being said, this is how some people get involved in situations that aren't comfortable for them. If you aren't comfortable with a threesome, but will have one just to keep him, you aren't doing yourself any favors. You will resent him, yourself and the relationship will end anyway. The threesome has to be something that you BOTH want. Not something you do out of fear of losing him.
If he truly loves you, he won't care about the possibility of never having one. It's not like you are taking something away from him that is ever so important to him. However, he would be taking something from you should you engage in this activity, and that is your self respect. Now, if you are all gung-ho for threesomes, that's another thing. Then, I'd say "Go for it!". But, you definitely don't sound like this is something you want.
I'm thinking about you and hope you are ok. Please take care of yourself!
That being said, this is how some people get involved in situations that aren't comfortable for them. If you aren't comfortable with a threesome, but will have one just to keep him, you aren't doing yourself any favors. You will resent him, yourself and the relationship will end anyway. The threesome has to be something that you BOTH want. Not something you do out of fear of losing him.
If he truly loves you, he won't care about the possibility of never having one. It's not like you are taking something away from him that is ever so important to him. However, he would be taking something from you should you engage in this activity, and that is your self respect. Now, if you are all gung-ho for threesomes, that's another thing. Then, I'd say "Go for it!". But, you definitely don't sound like this is something you want.
I'm thinking about you and hope you are ok. Please take care of yourself!
TDoll
Well-known member
Let me start off by saying that you need to focus on what YOU want and how HE can make YOU happy. Asking about threesomes is NEVER a good idea in my opinion. Especially if you are expecting "no" as a definite answer...why ask? But what's done is done.
Sounds like you've gone through a tough time emotionally to say the absolute least. You are obviously deeply attached to this guy.
You said you knew you would eventually break up. This may sound harsh, but girl, you need to focus on you and if you want to stay with him for now, make it clear to him that he needs to focus on your needs too. Try to get away from the feeling that you need him so much. Keep your eyes open.
I know it's hard for you right now, but I think you should work on you and try to find a situation where you not only feel comfortable, but loved and secure. It's scary to think about, but you'll be fine without him. You can't continue to feel like you have to completely focus on pleasing him in order to keep him with you.
Sounds like you've gone through a tough time emotionally to say the absolute least. You are obviously deeply attached to this guy.
You said you knew you would eventually break up. This may sound harsh, but girl, you need to focus on you and if you want to stay with him for now, make it clear to him that he needs to focus on your needs too. Try to get away from the feeling that you need him so much. Keep your eyes open.
I know it's hard for you right now, but I think you should work on you and try to find a situation where you not only feel comfortable, but loved and secure. It's scary to think about, but you'll be fine without him. You can't continue to feel like you have to completely focus on pleasing him in order to keep him with you.
Kalico
Well-known member
I don't know the situation well, just what you posted here. To me it sounds like you caught him off guard and like he hadn't even given it much thought beforehand by his response. Men are idiots when it comes to things like this. They say stupid things that hurt us. They don't mean to, but they do. Wow I bet I'm sure not helping. But, I just want you to know I've been there before. I had a dumbass ex who (after I asked this very question, lol) said he would like to have one, but only with TWO GIRLS HE LOVED!! Seriously, WTF?! See, it could always be worse lol. And what's bad is that he had no idea and could not see what was wrong with that statement.
I don't think you have anything to worry about, it's not really like he asked you to have a threesome. But he could have been a lot better with his response.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I've been there way too often, these last few years... especially these last few months. It really does feel like you're going to die sometimes from the pain.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone. We're here for you... I'll bet most girls have been in your position at some point or another. How many girls have asked their boyfriends about threesomes and then their dumbass boyfriends give a stupid dumbass boyfriend response? Oy...
I don't think you have anything to worry about, it's not really like he asked you to have a threesome. But he could have been a lot better with his response.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I've been there way too often, these last few years... especially these last few months. It really does feel like you're going to die sometimes from the pain.
rbella
Well-known member
I agree with what Tdoll and Kalico said. You asked and he didn't. Not that it makes you feel any better. What worries me is that I feel like you might be "testing him" to see if he truly loves you. Your physical responses to the thought of him leaving are not healthy and it seems like you are extremely emotionally dependent on him. I would try to find a way to envision a happy life as an individual without him. A man does not make you, he only contributes to your life. You are the only one who can make yourself complete.
I am really worried about how you are feeling, I just don't know if it is healthy. You shouldn't be asking him to spend hours and hours making you feel secure about the relationship. You SHOULD be secure in the relationship. I feel that you run a huge risk of driving him away with your insecurities and I am worried about what that might do to you.
I would spend some time thinking about how you were before you met him and how good of a person you'd still be without him. You cannot rely on him to make you happy. You have to do this yourself.
Hugs to you...I hope you are ok...
I am really worried about how you are feeling, I just don't know if it is healthy. You shouldn't be asking him to spend hours and hours making you feel secure about the relationship. You SHOULD be secure in the relationship. I feel that you run a huge risk of driving him away with your insecurities and I am worried about what that might do to you.
I would spend some time thinking about how you were before you met him and how good of a person you'd still be without him. You cannot rely on him to make you happy. You have to do this yourself.
Hugs to you...I hope you are ok...
rbella
Well-known member
Oh sweetie, please don't be upset. You have to understand that no one can tell you what to do. You have to figure it out on your own. Look back at your life and I'm sure you will remember instances when you thought "you would just die" and everything turned out fine. You are so caught up in the moment that you can't see outside of it. There is a whole world going on around you. Go out there and enjoy it!! Read a book, take a walk, rent a movie, hang out with some friends, go shopping. All of these things are fun and can be done without a man.
A man should lift you up and make you feel better. That doesn't exactly sound like what is happening. But, you also might need so much lifting up that it is humanly impossible for anyone to make you feel better. Just keep reminding yourself that a man is a compliment to your life and does not define you. Only you can decide what defines you as a human being. Don't become a victim who can't function without him. Be stronger than that. You know you have it in you...
A man should lift you up and make you feel better. That doesn't exactly sound like what is happening. But, you also might need so much lifting up that it is humanly impossible for anyone to make you feel better. Just keep reminding yourself that a man is a compliment to your life and does not define you. Only you can decide what defines you as a human being. Don't become a victim who can't function without him. Be stronger than that. You know you have it in you...
