Please read, unsure of what to do

Tudor Rose

Active member
Hello all. I'm new, but I have an unusual situation. My boyfriend lives in England while I'm in the US. We see each other when we can, because we both have obligations for our money elsewhere.

Here's the problem. At 5 a.m. this morning, my boyfriend calls me sobbing (something in seven months I have never heard him do) because he went to the dentist. There's an infection and one of his bottom teeth will have to be taken out. He's had problems with his teeth all of his life so he's already incredibly insecure about them. He thinks that visible tooth will change the way he talks to people, becuase he won't even want to open his mouth. Add this to the cost of having a tooth removed.


Then he gets into saying that there's always something bad happening, and why shouldn't he just give up. He's not talking about suicide here, but giving up trying for a better life.

I'm 4,000 miles away. Everything that's come out of his mouth has been jaded, cynical, and not the man I know.

Does anyone have any advice about what I can say to him? What I can do?

Thanks so much.
 

MissResha

Well-known member
does he live in the UK permanently? have you guys thought about moving to be together?

i've done the long distance thing, it can cause a ton of stress because you're constantly missing your s/o.

see if you can scrape up some money to pay him a visit. he probably just needs to see his baby, and get a big big hug.


in the meantime, just talk to him and comfort him the best you can. get on webcam for him or something. i'm sure whatever you do may help him feel just a little better.
 

Tudor Rose

Active member
Yes, as soon as I finish school in December, either I'm moving there or he's moving here. We haven't decided which yet.

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try to talk to him more later, as neither of us were at our best at 5 a.m.
smiles.gif
And I'll see if I can get some money together too
 

kaliraksha

Well-known member
Everyone gets down. I would definitely tell him that...maybe he is the kind of person that needs reassurance and might be comforted knowing about a time you felt down and hopeless.

Just reassure him that you love him regardless of what happens with his appearance. Plus, once things are going better being in good health is the best wealth... teeth you can pay to get fixed.

If I were in your shoes I would really play on the let's talk about all the great stuff we can do when we move in together soon. That way you two have something to look forward to and can maybe shift his focus.
 

FullWroth

Well-known member
Do both of you have a web cam? Skype is free to use, you just have to both sign up for a free account and you can make all the free phone calls and video calls you want. Sounds like he just needs a support network, and he's probably feeling really alone right now, which (as we all know!) makes all problems seem 10 times worse.
 

LMD84

Well-known member
that's really sucky for him. i too hate dentists and am very paranoid about my teeth. does he realise that he would be able to get a false tooth put in? my fgriend has one and i swear you can't tell it's a false tooth. he was most likely really upset because he'd bee through a horrible experiance and then didn't have his girl to give him a big hug and kiss at the end of it all.

plus the past couple of weeks in the uk the weather has been super depressing - it's below 0 temperatures, rainy, windy, cold and dark. i know i';ve been feeling down becauyse of it

try save up for a flight maybe to go see him! i knwo it's hard because everything here in the uk is so expencive but it'd make his year!
 

Tudor Rose

Active member
He mentioned getting a crown put in, but unless I'm mistaken, they're fairly expensive to get in the UK. He had one put in maybe four months ago. We do both have webcams, so in a way, we 'see' each other every day. I've tried to be upbeat and talk about us being together, but he's in such a cynical mood. All he'll say is 'it's a long time from now.' I spoke to him a little this morning and for about five minutes tonight, and he's still really down. I will definitely be seeing him in March, but I'm going to try my hardest to get there before then.

He is feeling very alone. But I'm doing my best to keep him from making himself more depressed. Thanks to all of you for your advice!
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