Please tell me how i should take this ....

[SkylarV217]

Okay so my Man and I have been strained lately mostly because of problems with our families i.e. his mom and sister and It's been hard. We live 2 hours away from both of our families ( that live in the same place) with our son. Every time we come home something happens with one of our families and it a huge mess. So obviously I HATE coming home. So here's the problem. Today he came in here to me ( we were at his mothers house), and said so i was thinking, Kaden and I could come home mother's day for her and motioned to his mom and you could have that weekend off...

, or I could just come home and you and Kaden could have the weekend to yourselves.... This really upset me b/c my son's 2 and he's a LOT of work... So if he was there with just me I would constantly be running after him , while if i was alone i would obviously be depressed. And then if I came in .... things would suck.... How should I feel about this and how should I handle it ? PLEASE help

 

[SkylarV217]

I feel like once again he's putting his mother in front of me and my feelings. It seems like he does this consistently .... GRRR

 

[candidilyme]

I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel, my dad always puts his mother (mygrandmother) in front of everybody in my family. From my experience watching my parents fight, the best advice i could offer is to talk it out with him and let him know exactly how you feel and hopefully he sees where you're coming from and the two of you could work out a solution like maybe spend half the day with his mother and half with your family, or celebrate mother's day earlier with your family and then on mothers day he could go home?

 

[Girl about town]

sounds like you are abit over sensitive when it comes to is mother and take everything he does as against you! Your hubby sould be allowed to go stay for the weekend at is mums its not like he is away on a stag night or anything!! you never know when you might want to go off on a weekend on your own so i wouldn't complain too much, if you feel you can't cope tell im to take your son with him and you have a weekend doing things you like xx

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town sounds like you are abit over sensitive when it comes to is mother and take everything he does as against you! Your hubby sould be allowed to go stay for the weekend at is mums its not like he is away on a stag night or anything!! you never know when you might want to go off on a weekend on your own so i wouldn't complain too much, if you feel you can't cope tell im to take your son with him and you have a weekend doing things you like xx

I absolutely agree 100%. I honestly don't know what you are worried about because there's nothing wrong with him wanting to spend time with his mother.

Use the weekend to catch up with girlfriends and have some you time.

 

[MissChriss]

I wouldnt have a problem with him staying at his moms but I like when we discuss things together as a couple beforehand instead of being put on the spot especially to be the bad guy. I don't like that type of situation.

 

[SkylarV217]

It's not a problem with him going off and staying with his mom , he does that frequently and I don't care , The problem is that I am the mother of his child and i feel like for all of the work I do , He should pay attention to me on mothers day as well...

 

[Shimmer]

it's a man made holiday.
Does he pay attention to you every other day of the year?
Spend the day with your son, let your husband spend the day with his mother without any recriminations. It's not that big of a deal.

 

[talste]

I don’t think you're being overly sensitive as to put it bluntly it seems;

1. your man put you on the spot by suggesting the arrangements directly in front of his mum before discussing mother days arrangements with you first.

2. This is ONLY YOUR 2nd mother day as a mother (assuming Kaden is your first child)

3. Your man's suggestions are basically, "Hey you can spend mothers day alone with a 2 y/o terror (no offense intended) while I visit mummy" OR "Hey, I'll take Kaden and play happy families while you sit at home alone"

I can see how he was insensitive in handling the situation maybe he forgot Mother's Day is also now your special day to!

I would try and explain it that way calmly of course & hope he agrees with your reasoning then ask for a compromise like maybe a nice breakfast and some quality family time together in the morning then he can hop in the car and drive to his mums for dinner ?

Good luck with the outcome.

 

[SkylarV217]

As for paying attention to me all the others days that's not really the case, I am a stay at home mom and my efforts generally go unnoticed as it seems to get with most stay at home mom's

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Have you told him how you feel? It may just be that he's not realised this and he might starting giving you the attention you want.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I do think you're being a bit sensitive. Regardless, you need to talk to him.

When I read what you wrote, my first thought was that he may be trying to appease both you and his mother. Maybe he thought giving you the weekend off would be nice. Maybe he thought you'd like to spend the weekend with your son by yourself (although that would be odd, if you are a stay home mother).

If you feel underappreciated, you need to say something. Some people are very clueless when it comes to another person's work, especially if they make it look effortless. Just calmly tell him how you feel and maybe suggest something like you'd really like it if he'd take care of your kid for a few hours while you went to hang out with your friends.

It sounds like you have issues with his mother that you perhaps need to work on somehow, since you specifically mentioned her in your opening paragraph. I don't know what kind of problems arise, but it sounds like his family is important to him. If you want to keep him in your life and keep your sanity, it sounds like you need to reach some kind of peace with that situation

 

[elegant-one]

I think I read 'weekend'...? It's never a good idea for the man to ever put the mother before his wife, it only creates marital problems especially if there are already existing tensions. Not that he should ignore his mother completely, but there are apparent issues here.

I can't tell you how many marriages we have witnessed ending up in divorce because of the mother in law. I totally understand where you are coming from. I watched my sister go through this for many years until it ended in divorce - all because of the mother in law wanting precedence over the the wife. (not sure if that is Your exact issue however)

Communicate exactly how each of you feel about this & then see if there is a common ground that would be agreeable.

 

[*Stargazer*]

I said it in the other post and I'll say it here, his two options for you blow. He either wants to leave you alone or go off and visit his mommy alone. Lame. If you guys don't care about Mother's Day, fine, whatever. But if he thinks that Mother's Day is a holiday to celebrate, then he needs to be concerned with helping his son show his appreciation to his mommy.

 

[Girl about town]

I totally understand that it would annoy you if you felt hubby was putting his mother first without a thought for you!! But at the end of the day she is his mother and you should be glad he has a good relationship with her!! My partners mother is terminally ill just now and i want him to spend every moment he can with her, i don't want him to feel resentful towards me either!!. I love it when my partner takes our son away for the day and i get to go shopping or just pamper myself.
In my opinion Mothers day is commercial crap , its how you are treated throughout the year that counts , i don't know you but from what you have written i think you may be feeling underappreciated in general and this has made this sting a bit more xxxx