PomPoko
Well-known member
Ugh, I hate feeling like I'm bringing the drama llama, and acting all victim-y, but I need to rant/get outside perspective on this.
Ok, so first some background info..I have a few close friends, but one thats the closest is my friend Hayley. I've known Hayley since I was 4 years old, shes a bit immature at times, (and shes the first to admit this) but a genuinely nice, honest person.
The other is Jo, we've known her since we were 11, and made close friends with her probably about the age of 13ish. At this point there was another girl as well, Rebekah, and that was our "group." Jo has always been two faced, Rebekah is easily led, none of us particularly talk to her anymore, for various reasons. Anyway, Jo has hung around, we're still "friends" but I've decided I've had enough of her.
Ever since we've been friends, she has bitched about me behind my back, about almost anything you can think of. Main topics being Appearance/Family/Significant Others. Let me describe some of the things she's done over the years. Some are from when we were teenagers, but in fairness its kind of piled up into a large ball of resentment/anger/sadness. Healthy. Anyways:
- The worst one in my book was the time I had a sleepover for my birthday (aged about 14) and she and rebecca decided to sit on my loft bed and spit at me and hayley and another girl kirsty from above, and all over my bedroom. And I'm not just talking one or two "globs" but they went on at length, while we hid under sleeping bags because we didn't want spit on us.
-Same birthday they stole a watch that was a present from my parents (an expensive one at that) and pretended like someone had stolen it from the P.E safety box. They only returned it when I started crying in the middle of class, because they kept ribbing me about it. They claimed it was only a joke though, so it was meant to be ok!
-Threw money at me (sounds silly but it hurts when 1p, 2p and 20p pieces hit you with force
)
-Stood me up with no real explanation, repeatedly. I may be many things, but when I make arrangements with someone, unless I'm unwell I will honour them, yet she thinks nothing of not turning up, without letting you know. Once she broke up with her boyfriend so I chucked out my plans for the next day to meet up with her, and waited, for an hour or so in the rain for her to turn up. Turns out they'd got back together that morning, and she'd gone to town with him instead and had been wondering around the town centre (which is where I was) for an hour while I stood there like a mug. But! Oh noes! she'd had her phone on silent so she'd not gotten my texts or calls! The fact we'd made plans for a specific time/place on that day didn't mean squat to her. (sorry this was recent! rargh!)
And, yes, Rebecca was involved at times, but she was basically Jo's mini-me, doing whatever she could to make herself look cool in Jo's eyes, and if that meant being horrible to her other friends, then so be it.
Then theres the behind my back comments. Its hard to forget when someone has been picking on your flaws and the things you've been sensitive about for years. Even when I weighed 125lbs she would think nothing of telling people that didn't even know me well I was fat (in front of Hayley again).
Its all come to a head today, because Hayley has told me the most recent things that she's said about me. The first being that she does not plan to "make the effort" with me any more since apparently I don't bother with her. This is because the only time she really gets in contact with me is about an hour or so before she'd like to meet up, and a lot of times I'm busy. I don't work, but apparently she thinks I sit in the house doing sod all all day, waiting for someone to ask me to do something. As a last resort, of course! So naturally, most times i have said a polite, sorry I am busy, so no thanks. Other than that its when her older sister invites loads of people out and Jo wants to look like shes super popular to her older sisters "cool" friends. This is why I've not seen her much recently.
The second thing, which does not surprise me, but hurts nonetheless, is she made a crack about my weight. I weigh about 190lbs. I'm under no illusions that I'm thin, and I could be a lot healthier. She knows I've been trying to do something to get healthier and lose weight, and that I'm unhappy with my weight. Anyway, she seems to think it appropriate to say that i am "the fattest person in the cinema lobby" to my best friend. Then she actually thinks that Hayley won't tell me. Truth is, Hayley has told me everything she has said over our ten year long friendship, I just haven't had the backbone to say anything till now. But at 23 years of age I'm utterly fed up of feeling like a 13 year old every time Hayley tells me the newest things Jo has said. The last few times I've kept vowing to myself that I'm going to say something to her, but I always chicken out. But now is the time.
But, how do you break off a 10 year long friendship? Its really not easy! which is part of the reason its taken this long. But I can't deal with it anymore. I want to tell her what I think of her. I've written a rough draft of a letter, which I'd planned to send in email form. I know it seems cowardly, but its not because I'm scared particularly, but I actually think I'd lose it completely and start ranting and shouting at her if I had to say it to her face. And we all know how much people can take in when you're screaming it at them. I know more than anything she'd act like she is the victim, because she is notorious for that. Is this a terrible thing to do? I mean its not quite a text message breakup...
I don't know if my letter is too harsh in places, or if I should even care after the way she's made me feel. Part of me wants to be the bigger person and just say my piece without throwing in anything that seems remotely rude, but then part of me thinks maybe that's what it's going to take to get it into her head that she can't treat people in the way she does, whilst calling them a best friend. A similar thing happened between her and Rebecca, and she completely acted like Rebecca was being silly and that she'd done nothing wrong (she had) but Rebeccas letter was quite polite and short, compared to some of the things mine says.
I'm sorry this is wordy, has run-on sentences, and excessive use of quotation marks. I'm tired, but can't sleep and need to rant. My boyfriend is great but as a man, his advice is "I love you whatever, she sucks, just don't be friends anymore" like its that easy, and I can just stop thinking about it. But ultimately I don't think I can just let it go knowing she thinks shes ditching me, without saying anything to me. Because, as childish as it sounds, I don't think I've been even half as bad a friend as she has been to me at times, so why should she get to be the one that has the last say in it? Ugh I actually want to *punch* myself in the head for that one! I can't help it though!
Well, thanks if you've made it this far, I hope I haven't knocked you out with boredom. And for all my ranting, I'm actually really sad about it at the moment, not at all helped by he fact I've been feeling more down about my weight these last couple of weeks so it kinda stings that little bit more.
*goes to flump about*
ETA: I know I misspelled century. Its 6.30am here, I've been up for 24 hours that = stupid.
Ok, so first some background info..I have a few close friends, but one thats the closest is my friend Hayley. I've known Hayley since I was 4 years old, shes a bit immature at times, (and shes the first to admit this) but a genuinely nice, honest person.
The other is Jo, we've known her since we were 11, and made close friends with her probably about the age of 13ish. At this point there was another girl as well, Rebekah, and that was our "group." Jo has always been two faced, Rebekah is easily led, none of us particularly talk to her anymore, for various reasons. Anyway, Jo has hung around, we're still "friends" but I've decided I've had enough of her.
Ever since we've been friends, she has bitched about me behind my back, about almost anything you can think of. Main topics being Appearance/Family/Significant Others. Let me describe some of the things she's done over the years. Some are from when we were teenagers, but in fairness its kind of piled up into a large ball of resentment/anger/sadness. Healthy. Anyways:
- The worst one in my book was the time I had a sleepover for my birthday (aged about 14) and she and rebecca decided to sit on my loft bed and spit at me and hayley and another girl kirsty from above, and all over my bedroom. And I'm not just talking one or two "globs" but they went on at length, while we hid under sleeping bags because we didn't want spit on us.
-Same birthday they stole a watch that was a present from my parents (an expensive one at that) and pretended like someone had stolen it from the P.E safety box. They only returned it when I started crying in the middle of class, because they kept ribbing me about it. They claimed it was only a joke though, so it was meant to be ok!
-Threw money at me (sounds silly but it hurts when 1p, 2p and 20p pieces hit you with force
-Stood me up with no real explanation, repeatedly. I may be many things, but when I make arrangements with someone, unless I'm unwell I will honour them, yet she thinks nothing of not turning up, without letting you know. Once she broke up with her boyfriend so I chucked out my plans for the next day to meet up with her, and waited, for an hour or so in the rain for her to turn up. Turns out they'd got back together that morning, and she'd gone to town with him instead and had been wondering around the town centre (which is where I was) for an hour while I stood there like a mug. But! Oh noes! she'd had her phone on silent so she'd not gotten my texts or calls! The fact we'd made plans for a specific time/place on that day didn't mean squat to her. (sorry this was recent! rargh!)
And, yes, Rebecca was involved at times, but she was basically Jo's mini-me, doing whatever she could to make herself look cool in Jo's eyes, and if that meant being horrible to her other friends, then so be it.
Then theres the behind my back comments. Its hard to forget when someone has been picking on your flaws and the things you've been sensitive about for years. Even when I weighed 125lbs she would think nothing of telling people that didn't even know me well I was fat (in front of Hayley again).
Its all come to a head today, because Hayley has told me the most recent things that she's said about me. The first being that she does not plan to "make the effort" with me any more since apparently I don't bother with her. This is because the only time she really gets in contact with me is about an hour or so before she'd like to meet up, and a lot of times I'm busy. I don't work, but apparently she thinks I sit in the house doing sod all all day, waiting for someone to ask me to do something. As a last resort, of course! So naturally, most times i have said a polite, sorry I am busy, so no thanks. Other than that its when her older sister invites loads of people out and Jo wants to look like shes super popular to her older sisters "cool" friends. This is why I've not seen her much recently.
The second thing, which does not surprise me, but hurts nonetheless, is she made a crack about my weight. I weigh about 190lbs. I'm under no illusions that I'm thin, and I could be a lot healthier. She knows I've been trying to do something to get healthier and lose weight, and that I'm unhappy with my weight. Anyway, she seems to think it appropriate to say that i am "the fattest person in the cinema lobby" to my best friend. Then she actually thinks that Hayley won't tell me. Truth is, Hayley has told me everything she has said over our ten year long friendship, I just haven't had the backbone to say anything till now. But at 23 years of age I'm utterly fed up of feeling like a 13 year old every time Hayley tells me the newest things Jo has said. The last few times I've kept vowing to myself that I'm going to say something to her, but I always chicken out. But now is the time.
But, how do you break off a 10 year long friendship? Its really not easy! which is part of the reason its taken this long. But I can't deal with it anymore. I want to tell her what I think of her. I've written a rough draft of a letter, which I'd planned to send in email form. I know it seems cowardly, but its not because I'm scared particularly, but I actually think I'd lose it completely and start ranting and shouting at her if I had to say it to her face. And we all know how much people can take in when you're screaming it at them. I know more than anything she'd act like she is the victim, because she is notorious for that. Is this a terrible thing to do? I mean its not quite a text message breakup...
I don't know if my letter is too harsh in places, or if I should even care after the way she's made me feel. Part of me wants to be the bigger person and just say my piece without throwing in anything that seems remotely rude, but then part of me thinks maybe that's what it's going to take to get it into her head that she can't treat people in the way she does, whilst calling them a best friend. A similar thing happened between her and Rebecca, and she completely acted like Rebecca was being silly and that she'd done nothing wrong (she had) but Rebeccas letter was quite polite and short, compared to some of the things mine says.
I'm sorry this is wordy, has run-on sentences, and excessive use of quotation marks. I'm tired, but can't sleep and need to rant. My boyfriend is great but as a man, his advice is "I love you whatever, she sucks, just don't be friends anymore" like its that easy, and I can just stop thinking about it. But ultimately I don't think I can just let it go knowing she thinks shes ditching me, without saying anything to me. Because, as childish as it sounds, I don't think I've been even half as bad a friend as she has been to me at times, so why should she get to be the one that has the last say in it? Ugh I actually want to *punch* myself in the head for that one! I can't help it though!
Well, thanks if you've made it this far, I hope I haven't knocked you out with boredom. And for all my ranting, I'm actually really sad about it at the moment, not at all helped by he fact I've been feeling more down about my weight these last couple of weeks so it kinda stings that little bit more.
*goes to flump about*
ETA: I know I misspelled century. Its 6.30am here, I've been up for 24 hours that = stupid.
