relationship troubles :(

[kimmy]

this is the first time i have said anything about this issue, at all. and it's been a thing for a couple weeks, i just don't really have anyone to tell this to.

right now, i'm three months into my first real relationship and i love this guy to death. to me, he's perfect. BUT, there were a few guys before him who, though we weren't official, i was REALLY attatched to them. and i cared about each of them ALOT.

the first one, told me for 6 months that he loved me and couldn't imagine his life without me. then we got into a bit of a fight and just when we were repairing things, he said he was interested in someone else. come to find out, she was a slut, he wanted things between us to be like they were. i was devastated, obviously.
the second one, he was back and forth between being interested in me and this one other chick. he told me the same things as the first guy. then i found out from a mutual friend that he had gotten a girlfriend a month or so after we'd started being serious about a relationship. the girlfriend wasn't the other interest, she was some chick neither of us ever heard of. i was really hurt by that one.
the third, treated me like a princess. texted me every morning with a "good morning, beautiful" and texted me every night to tell me sweet dreams. among other things, he just treated me very well. until one day he just quit calling. he wouldn't return my calls, he was never online. that was pretty damaging.

and as i was getting over all this stuff, i brought this guy (neil) back into my life. we'd been talking a little for about 6 months, just online and texting mostly. then i called him when i was down to see if he wanted to go do something. that call turned into 6 hours a night on the phone. and later, it became the relationship it is now.
though, i didn't get neil without a fight. for nearly 6 months, i NEVER saw him. he didn't want me at his band's shows, he was always working or practicing (all the while there were a few ladies who went to all their practices, yet he always told me "we can't bring people, sorry")
but i dealt with it, i cried endlessly some nights because it just hurt, especially after everything else. i'm glad i stuck it out though, because i love him with all my heart and i'm happy to have him.

now i'm running into problems though. the thought of him hurting me like everyone before him is working it's way to the front of my mind, and the insecurities caused by those before him are surfacing. i'd had these problems under control for the past 8 months...but it just seems like they're coming back now.

i don't want this to ruin my relationship, but i'm afraid that if i tell him, or if i let these insecurities get the best of me, they will ruin it. what do i do?

sorry for the long post...heh, there's just alot to say...

 

[AudreyNicole]

Aww, I know this is so hard. I have had the same problem in the past. In fact, the very same thing happened with my husband. He came into my life after a bad breakup, and I was always so worried that he would hurt me like the other guy did. He kept reminding me that he was NOT the other guy, and that he wouldn't ever hurt me. He knew all about my past relationships and how I'd been burned, and kept reassuring me that everything would be ok. I would be honest with Neil. Tell him of your fears, and that it's something that you have to work through, and maybe he can provide just the reassurance you need. Hang in there!

 

[IslandGirl77]

I had the same issue too. I've been through some pretty bad relationships. It was very hard for me to beleive that nobody would ever treat me like that again. My bf just kept telling me that he was a good guy, and that he wasn't like those other men before him. I know it's hard to believe, after being hurt. Like Audrey said, you have to be honest. Tell him your scared, if he really loves you he'll be there for you and reassure you he's not there to hurt you. And it takes alot of work to heal those things within yourself.

 

[kimmy]

yeah, he knows that i had some serious insecurities. but when i finally got over the, i let him know. so he thinks that they're all gone now. he still does reassure me though, lets me know that he sees what they did as disgusting and hs never cheated on a girlfriend and doesn't plan to start with me.
it's weird, i trust him plenty. it's everything and everyone else i don't really trust. he's in a band, and i was talking to his other guitarist's girlfriend and she was telling me that the reason her and the guy broke up was because their vocalist talked him into going partying with him, he got drunk, he cheated on her. and there's already a couple ladies who hang around who are like prime groupie material hah.

i'm going over to his place tonight, i think i'll tell him all this

thank you so much, ladies! it makes me feel 100% better knowing that this is a normal thing to be going through and that i'm not the only one

 

[pr1nces583]

telling him how you feel will probably be the best thing you can do, it will make you feel better and him knowing about your insecurities is good.

i used to feel really paranoid that my bf was going to find someone else, mainly because every other guy ive had relationships with has. i feel sorry for him really cos he used to get really annoyed when i compared our relationship to my ex's. i think time has just made things better with me, we've been together 2 yrs and hes never so much as looked at another girl. i think once you've been together a while your insecurities will disappear

you're definately not alone in the way you feel, i think most ppl who have been treated badly in past relationships feel the same- i could write a book on bad treatment!