Scary encounter

[Eoraptor]

Hi girls. I had a frightening encounter last night and feel the need to share it, perhaps to help me deal with it or calm down about it.

I was walking back from a friend's party (very drunk) to my apartment, which is 20 minutes from where she lives. I was taking a direct route through a fairly unlit suburban area at 1-2ish AM. At least three guys start circling around me, riding next to me, etc. on bicycles and one asks if I'm a 'dude or a chick'. I wasn't made up heavily because I didn't want to embarrass my friend, and was just wearing blue women's jeans and a sparkly gold tee. So I say I'm a guy and don't change my fast-paced walk. Then they start yelling at me to stop, that they'll cut me, and other such threats. I was REALLY scared. I completely suck at fighting, and there were three of them anyway, plus they're much faster than me on bikes. Luckily, I happened upon a guy and girl walking together and stayed close to them for a bit, before going off the road towards my apartment. I guess the guys didn't want to make a scene with other people there. I'm not taking that route home at night ever again (at least alone), but I have to walk about a block from that area twice a week at 11 pm to get home from work. Honestly I'm a bit scared to be out at night alone now. Ughh.

 

[Raerae]

Um... Welcome to sharing many of the fears that girls face on a daily basis.

If your gonna dress like a girl, your going to have to be prepared to understand the risks involved. Which might not be exactly the same for you, but they will be similar.

So no, dont expect to be able to walk home in the middle of the night, alone, in the dark, and be perfectly safe anymore, especially drunk at 1-2am.

You should be scared.

 

[litlaur]

If you can't find someone to walk that route with you or give you a ride home, I'd suggest getting at least a knife, and maybe look into self-defense classes. The local police department will probably be able to give you some information.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by litlaur If you can't find someone to walk that route with you or give you a ride home, I'd suggest getting at least a knife, and maybe look into self-defense classes. The local police department will probably be able to give you some information.

lol, that so reminds me of my friend Loren, she always has a like 4 inch switchblade in her purse, and anytime we had to walk any distance in the dark, she always had her hand in her purse LOL.

 

[browneyedbaby]

Firstly I'd never say get a knife, stupidly dangerous, if like in your situation you could have been easily over-powered, it could have made the situation alot worse... nuff said

So yeah... if you really have to walk home go the brightest most open way possible. Getting a cab or staying the night is safer but you can't live your life in a bubble the whole time! Just be sensible, and if you don't feel comfortable look at the alternatives first.

I'm just sorry there are people like that in this world *hugz*

 

[user6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by browneyedbaby Firstly I'd never say get a knife, stupidly dangerous, if like in your situation you could have been easily over-powered, it could have made the situation alot worse... nuff said So yeah... if you really have to walk home go the brightest most open way possible. Getting a cab or staying the night is safer but you can't live your life in a bubble the whole time! Just be sensible, and if you don't feel comfortable look at the alternatives first. I'm just sorry there are people like that in this world *hugz*

I totally agree, to some extent, the knife would be a bad idea in a situation where it can be used on you! Sooo, not good, but I am in a similar situation when I'm getting off work early. Parking for my apartment complex is really weird, I have to park directly underneath my apartment, but then to get to my door, I have to walk down a narrow pathway, go up a long staircase, and then down another narrow pathway, and there's no lighting whatsoever.....so i do carry a knife in my pocket, it's always concealed but easily accessible if i need it......but my hand is always on my pepper spray as I walk to my door, I can't help the poor lighting and long abandoned stair/pathways to my door from my parking space.......but don't pull out a knife if you can be easily over powered, but if it's like one guy, heck yeah! You stab him and twist! or you can spray him in the eyes and run like heck!

sorry, that's the crazy coming out in me, but i've been in similar situations where I'll get off shift early (like 2 or 3 am) and I'm walking to my door, and someone's following me. It's a very scary feeling, especially when you don't know what their exact intentions are!

Just be prepared to run, scream as loud as you can, and attack if needed. I'll tell you when I'm walking home, regardless of whether I see someone out or not, I have both hands in my pockets (I wear scrubs with pockets on the bottom front of the shirt), one hand holding my opened cell phone, and the other holding my pepper spray. I'm always ready for whichever I need to use. It's a scary world, and a phone or a weapon could save your life, all depending on the situation.

It sucks to know that there are people who want to do other people harm, but now through this experience you've learned something. Try to avoid those streets, stay where it's well lit and know where you can run to if need be. If you can't, then just try to be prepared for the worse like I am. oh and one more thing! don't buy something for protection (ie: a knife or pepper spray) and not practice on using it. I had to practice for hours on opening my knife quickly, and keeping my pepper spray in a position where I could use it in a second's notice before I carried it around with me. If you don't know how to use it, then it's more dangerous to you than the attacker!!! I hope this helps some, please take care of yourself!!! *hugs*

 

[Vicky88]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae Um... Welcome to sharing many of the fears that girls face on a daily basis. If your gonna dress like a girl, your going to have to be prepared to understand the risks involved. Which might not be exactly the same for you, but they will be similar. So no, dont expect to be able to walk home in the middle of the night, alone, in the dark, and be perfectly safe anymore, especially drunk at 1-2am. You should be scared.

Was there really any need to be so insensitive? NO ONE should have to deal with anything like that, whether they are male, female or from mars. Gender has nothing to do with it, it's wrong.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vicky88 Was there really any need to be so insensitive? NO ONE should have to deal with anything like that, whether they are male, female or from mars. Gender has nothing to do with it, it's wrong.

I didn't write that in an insensitive tone. I wrote it because it's a reality check on what he's going to have to face on a daily basis by choosing to walk in womens shoes.

Believe me, i really dont care if he likes makeup, girl jeans or sparkly tops. But to ignore the reality that if you choose to present yourself in a gender variant way, your going to have to accept the risks that go along with that would be foolish. And to ignore the reality that women and men live in very different worlds, especially when alone in the dark, would be very dangerious on his part. Probably more dangerious for him considering how your average insecure male is going to react to him.

Ask your husband, fiance, boyfriend, guy friend whens the last time he was afraid of having to walk back to his car in a parking lot, alone, and in the dark. Or when the last time he's been followed by a stranger and all he could think about was how fast he can get to an area with more people in it. Or how about the last time he was approached by a group of men on the street who's choice of conversation revolved around, "You look good tonight mami." It just doesn't happen. Ask your boyfriend to get the car, and he's like, "sure" without even thinking about it and walks away alone. If one of my friends asks me to get the car, the first words out of my mouth are, "will you come with me?"

To me it sounds like it's his first time dealing with men who might want to hurt him. And I doubt he grew up with his Mom and Dad constantly telling him to not go home alone, or to get seperated from your group of friends, because it isn't safe.

I'll also admit I'm not perfect, and have done stupid things in the past. I'm just thankful I never got hurt because of them.

 

[Janice]

Thank you for explaining further Raerae, those are very important points to take into consideration.

 

[Hawkeye]

******EEEEEK************* Hugs.

I know the feeling of pure fear to walk around places. It's scary as anything. The only difference was-I had a knife, I knew how to use it and I actually had to use it in order to escape.

People can be so cruel.

Just some tips-dont' be afraid to be who you are but just remember that people really are jerks.

Anyway-
NEVER EVER EVER leave late at night when your a little drunk. NEVER. Why? Because it does impair judgement and it also makes you a very easy target.

When you leave late at night-have someone with you-if you have another person you have a witness and people are less likely to show up to harass you. There is safety in numbers.

STAY in well lit areas. Period. I know it's hard and sometimes its so much easier to just walk where it's dark so you can get home quicker but the more light the less likely they will show up!

Carry pepper spray. It's safer than a knife and you can use it to spray in your attackers eyes (If it ever gets to that point) so you can make an escape.

CELL PHONE. ALWAYS have your cell phone with you-if you don't have one buy one they have some really cheap ones over at cingular that you can use in case of an emergency.

Take self defense courses. I hate to say it but every woman should have them and every man should have them as well. I was very lucky I was brought up by guys who taught me how to defend myself but not everyone is as lucky!

Let your roommate or other family or a friend or neighbor know when you are going to be back and when you are leaving. If something happens they will know when to look for you.

Never wear headphones etc or if you do make sure you are ALWAYS aware of your surroundings.

Also if you were attacked yell FIRE instead of HELP because many times if you yell help people think its a domestic thing but if you yell fire people are quicker to respond. Who knows why!

There are some tips. I know you are scared and I gotta tell you I think you are very brave and strong to say hey this happened to me if it happened to me it could happen to you. *HUGS* I'm sorry it did happen

But I'm so glad you were able to get out and most importantly be safe! And for thinking enough of us to remind us!

 

[Shimmer]

Pepper spray is a phenomenal tool when used against someone.
Being a chick can be compared to walking around with a target on your back at times.

 

[Eoraptor]

Thanks everyone. I also thought Raerae was a little harsh (thanks for standing up for me, Vicky88!), but her later explanation is better worded and full of truth. It was indeed my first encounter with men who might want to hurt me, and it's so true that I've really never thought to worry about that before. I've only started wearing girl clothes recently, and they're pretty conservative anyway. I'm actually surprised the jerks couldn't tell I was a guy. I'm like 6'4", was certainly not moving femininely (drunken speed walk), and was barely made up at all (just some mascara and foundation). I'd be flattered were it not so frightening. I'm definitely going to follow the useful advice here. Never walking home alone at night while drunk again. I'm going to stick to the main, well-lit road when I'm walking alone at night. I'm going to follow youbeabitch's buddy ideas too. Pepper spray sounds very useful. I'm definitely going to look into that. But where to carry it? I know most women put it in their purse, but I don't bring my purse to work (which is where I was before I went to the party). I must admit I'm pretty bad at quickly getting things out of my purse too (I've had very little practice), plus my two girl jeans lack pockets more than an inch deep. Maybe I'll just carry the spray in my hand if I'm stuck walking home alone at night again. I do always have my cellphone in easy reach (it barely fits in the aforementioned pockets), but I can't picture it being very useful if last night's situation went bad. If the three guys cornered me on their bikes, I could pull it out and call 911, but surely they'd grab it from me or something before I could get ahold of someone and say three guys were threatening me 52nd, somewhere between 13th and 25th. Ughh. I feel so unsafe.

Thanks again to everyone. I'm glad I have this forum to share my problems with. *hugs back*

 

[caffn8me]

I'm really sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience. I can imagine that it really shook you up. I hope you're feeling better now.

Unfortunately, lone women (or those perceived that way) are often seen as an easy target especially at night. The best defence is to think carefully about your surroundings, avoid areas and situations where you might be at risk and be ever vigilant. As has already been mentioned, not only should you not wear headphones but don't walk while using your cellphone. Again, it's a distraction when you really need to be aware of your surroundings and it's also an invitation for thieves to take it from you. If you need to use your cellphone, stop and position yourself somewhere that is well lit with your back against a building wall so that you can see anyone who might approach you and nobody can come up behind you. Maintain a constant watch for anyone who might pose a threat and look for a couple of escape routes.

It's easier to incapacitate someone temporarily with pepper spray than with a knife and if it is turned against you it's not likely to cause lasting damage. A loud personal attack alarm (possibly with a built in torch or strobe) can also be very useful to attract attention.

If you are faced with a lone attacker, try to put a parked car between you and them and stick close to it. It's quite difficult to jump over a parked car and the size of the average car means that you should be able to keep moving around it for quite a while keeping the attacker on the opposite side during which time you could activate an alarm or ready your pepper spray or attract the attention of a passing vehicle.

Krav Maga is one of the most effective self defence disciplines which gets straight to the point with no messing about. A lot of the oriental martial arts are much more spiritually based, requiring disciples to learn a philosophy as well as the movements. They look good but may not be very effective when things get "dirty" and your attacker doesn't play by the rules. If you'd rather undertake an oriental martial art than Krav Maga, then Aikido is probably your best bet. Although it has a major spiritual element, the moves are designed for defensive situations and are very effective.

As people have already said, whether you are male or female (or somewhere in between) you shouldn't have to put up with this sort of harassment. It's a sad fact though that if you are gender variant then in certain situations you may find yourself in much more danger than a regular guy or girl. Just watch the film Boys Don't Cry which was based on a true story or look at the case of Gwen Araujo whose story was all over the papers when I was working in San Diego a couple of years ago.

Anyone who appears to be a soft target may be especially vulnerable so I'd like to tell you the true story of a very good friend of mine, Dean. He was born in a rough part of Swansea in Wales and had spina bifida. He also had one leg and foot which were abnormal and required several major bone operations to render usable. He walks with a stick and is in constant and severe pain.

His father knew that he'd be bullied unless he could defend himself. Fortunately, his father is a martial arts instructor and holds qualifications above black belt in several disciplines including Judo and Karate. Dean learnt well and amazed everyone with his ability.

Dean grew up and because he could stand up for himself had litttle trouble. He moved away from his parents to go to university and only made occasional visits back to Swansea. On one such visit on New Year's eve about 4 years ago, he was walking up a street late at night when he heard one of the local "talent" shout "Oi! Let's get the cripple with the stick!" to his partner in crime.

They both attacked him at the same time thinking he was easy picking. The first was thrown quite a distance and ended up with a dislocated shoulder and the second was rendered unconscious with three high kicks to the head. Not bad for a "cripple with a stick".

I wish you the very best and hope you're able to keep safe in future.

 

[caffn8me]

I've just found a very short article from the BBC with some basic self defence tips you might find useful here

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eoraptor I also thought Raerae was a little harsh

Wasn't meant to be, i just felt the need to get to the point. I've been in situations with men in the past that were totally avoidable had I not been young and dumb (although i'm not exactly old at 24 eigther lol). And a big factor in contributing to my stupidity was alcohol. Situations that probably woulnd't have happened if I hadn't been alone at the time. So if I sounded harsh it was probably more directed at me, than you. Sorry.

 

[Eoraptor]

Aww. I forgive you. *HUG*

 

[mzcelaneous]

Everyone's points were well put. Definetly never walk alone! I always keep mace handy with one finger on the "trigger" (it's on my keychain) and my other finger on the "call" button on my cell even when I walk to my car @ night. Something to think about if you absolutely cannot stay over, call a cab, or have someone to walk with.

 

[Another Janice!]

Quote:

They both attacked him at the same time thinking he was easy picking. The first was thrown quite a distance and ended up with a dislocated shoulder and the second was rendered unconscious with three high kicks to the head. Not bad for a "cripple with a stick".

HELLSSSS YEAH!!!! That is one of the best stories I have EVER heard!!!

Another little tip...

I am a waitress. We (the waitstaff) all try to not let one another walk to our cars at night by ourselves. But we were taught by our ex-Army manager to hold our keys in a certain way.

You hold your keys in your hand but with one key between your index and middle finger. (I use my car key...it's the biggest) Use the rest of the keys (and keychains) as sort of a handle clenched in your fist...if that makes sense.

If someone comes at you, you use a punching motion and key them in the throat. The keys you have clenched in your hand will act as a guard so that the other end of the key doesn't get rammed into your palm.

Then you scream and run like hell while the fucker is wondering what hit him!

 

[Hawkeye]

Best advice is to do as one of the ladies above mentioned-hold your mace at all times with your finger ready to push it at any given time.

*HUGS*

 

[litlaur]

Quote:

Originally Posted by browneyedbaby Firstly I'd never say get a knife, stupidly dangerous, if like in your situation you could have been easily over-powered, it could have made the situation alot worse... nuff said

It's not stupidly dangerous if the person wielding the knife knows what they're doing and how to hold it. If the person isn't comfortable with a knife, that's a different story. Same goes for guns, mace, tasers...but those are generally more difficult to get.