Self Image Issues???

flowerhead

Well-known member
All human faces have their flaws...nobody is completely symmetrical.

How do you know that you wouldn't feel like this if you were a supermodel? Without wanting to offend you or sounding like a cliche, your issues with yourself probably run a little deeper than your appearance; but it is the most obvious factor of how much you're 'worth' as people you don't know will only judge you on this, it's easy to think 'Nobody in this room likes me because I'm ugly' as appose to 'Nobody in this room likes me because I'm so withdrawn'

And as for putting on makeup to feel better, this doesn't make you at all abnormal or narcissistic, in a way it is quite therapeutic, almost everyone looks better with a little foundation or brow pencil.

Take care.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by medicredfearn
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Ok, so, I just want to share this with you because you and I are the same age, and I don't think anyone our age should feel the way you are feeling.....and you know what? I've been there, just a quick history...

I am half mexican, half korean, I don't know my korean family at all, grew up with the mexican side. Well, my mexican family is from Spanish descendants, and so they're all pretty tall, light skinned, blue or green eyes, light colored hair, just pretty much beautiful people.....and I, well, I'm short, yellow skinned (asian), and well, just not like my family, and growing up I always felt inferior, because my eyes are brown, and slanted, I have freckles, my lips aren't as nicely shaped as everyone else's, my hair is thick, I listen to rock/alternative (considered white people music by my family), and I just couldn't seem to do anything right in their eyes....so that became my perception of myself as well.

I hated myself for being so ugly, I buried myself in books to get away from my thoughts....I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, go out, phone calls, or stay after school....nothing!!

So I hated myself even more, for having such a shiny face, and small eyes, and fat hairy legs, and being so freakin' short! By the time I joined the Army, it was pretty much me feeling inferior again, all the 'popular' female soldiers were taller females with blonde hair, blue eyes, and well, pretty much the barbie looking ones, and I, well I didn't fit that description....so I became depressed, insomniac, and just, stressed, for reasons that I was making up myself!

Because I thought I was so ugly, because I felt I couldn't do anything right, because I felt so out of place! So finally one day I woke up and said to myself,'No More!'

I was tired of feeling horrible, I wanted to show everyone what they were passing up! So instead of focusing on my features that I thought were ugly or fat, I began to look for things that I liked about myself, like since I'm short, I can wear heels and be sexy, and not taller than my date, I can fix my small eyes by wearing eyeliner and making them look more open, i began styling my hair, but these are all superficial things, I think that most importantly, I began to live a healthy lifestyle, you know, exercising, eating right, and 3 meals a day(not starving myself like usual), and after a while, I began to lose weight, and feel confidence....not only that, running, I could think about whatever I want when I'm running, and sort things out in my head, then when I'm done, there's that feeling of accomplishment, and it's just so great to know that you're doing something healthy.

I began to glow (not with confidence) but with love, for myself. I came to accept that although I'm not the most beautiful person, I am the most beautiful person that I can be, and I love myself for that.

You need to look in the mirror like I did, and say, 'I'm young....I'm healthy....I'm smart....I'm beautiful, and I FEEL GOOD!!! You need to grab that self pity, worthlessness, and negative energy, pull it out, and kick it to the curb! You don't need it anymore, ask your family and friends to encourage and support you, and anyone who doesn't, or who puts you down is just jealous! and you don't need them! Find yourself, and you will love yourself.

Just a final thought, you know it wasn't until I began to believe in myself, and feel beautiful that I realized, not only did other people begin to see me as I saw myself, but other people always thought that I was beautiful, I was just too blind and busy feeling sorry for myself to see it.....open your eyes sweetie, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, now embrace it, and love yourself!
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I hope this helps, just remember you're not alone!
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YES!!!








and..what's your MOS?
 

Wattage

Well-known member
One thing I'd like to note about those mags and shows (cause I read Shape, InStyle and Elle, too) is that you have to realize that:

1. These people have the BEST everything IN THE WORLD. The best hair stylists, the best make-up artists, the best personal trainers, food, photographers, psychologists, plastic surgeons - everything. Trust me, if you had that, you would look JUST as good.

2. Don't think for a minute that these people have not had some form of costmetic surgery or other procedure. I'd say the rate in Hollywood is about 90-95% of all actors and actresses.

3. When I look at these people, I don't envy them. Think about it. We all have imperfections. How many times have you seen Kirstee Alley's fat arse plastered all over a magazine cover or Eva Longoria's cellulite on the COVER of Star magazine. I know we are pressured to look good but it goes both ways. Things aren't as rosey as they seem. I would hate to live the way these people do, with cameras and nosey people in my face even when I did the simplest tasks, like grocery shopping.

Remember to keep things in perspective. Maybe you need a break from the mags and TV but the reality is that you will be surrounded with it your entire life. If you can learn how to deal with it head-on, you will be better able to keep these images in perspective.
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cno64

Well-known member
On "Frenemies:" I wish it had not taken me 42 years and an almost fatal illness to realize that just because someone says, "I care so much about you; I am your true friend forever and ever," does not mean that it's TRUE" Actions really do speak louder than words. If someone says that he/she loves you but is constantly undermining you, that person is lying, and you should distance yourself, for your own emotional health.
You will find other people with whom to hang out, I promise.
It's far better to have one genuine friend than a whole squadron of harpies.
 

user6

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by shimmer
YES!!!








and..what's your MOS?


lol, I'm a 91W!!! COMBAT MEDIC, HOOAH!!!! How about you?!
 

cno64

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmolinet
I'm 46----take it from someone with experience, everyone feels this way!!!! We are so blinded by the photoshopped-airbrushed pics we see, we don't even know what real people look like anymore!! Bo Derek would probably only rate a 6 theses days. Magazine covers are pointing out women's "baby bumps" so often I can't imagine a celebrity leaving home without a hi-colonic. BE PROUD of who you are--get out there and HAVE FUN!!! I spent a couple of years thinking I was too old for this look or that makeup---but I woke my ass up!!!!! If I'm breathing, I'm looking fine!!!!

Sis-TER, can I relate!
LONG STORY WARNING: When I was about 35 years old, I started noticing that my previously oily hair looked like a wad of dull,frizzy brunette straw. Incredibly, I even remember thinking, "This does NOT look like the hair of a healthy person!" Instead of getting a physical, which I had not done in a good 20 years, I wasted time and money on conditioning treatments, which had little effect. I found out much later that I had kidney disease, which caused my blood pressure to skyrocket, resulting in a massive, nearly fatal cerebral hemorrhage when I was 36.
I spent 7 months in the hospital, even ending up in a nursing home for a while.
I'm still in a wheelchair, most of the time, but I have recovered to an amazing degree, and plan to keep right on going! My kidneys are fine, and my hair, though a bit thin(inherited tendency, my doctor tells me), is supple and glossy.
My point is (and I promise that there IS one!) that HEALTH is most important, not fashion, so make your health(spiritual, physical, emotional ) your top priority, and have FUN and wear what makes you feel good!
I do, and I guarantee you that Angelina Jolie and I don't even look like we're the same species!
My attitude has become, "If people don't like the way I look, they can find something else to look at!"
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by medicredfearn
lol, I'm a 91W!!! COMBAT MEDIC, HOOAH!!!! How about you?!

91D...Surgical Assistant, HOOAH!!
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Formerly.


Though, as everyone knows, my whole family is army. I've got a tanker, a fueler, a korean linguist, and a chinese linguist in my immediate family, and my exhusband is 11C.
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cno64

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by wattage
Wow - cno64, thank you for sharing that! Amazing... what an inspirational story.

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I'm not trying to be inspirational; I'm just saying that I'm about as far from accepted standards of physical "beauty" as it is possible to get and still be alive, and I still wear nice clothes and high-end makeup and feel downright pretty sometimes, and I have FUN!
AND I have learned that if you're HEALTHY, you're going to look good!
If my experience helps someone else, fantastic.
 

cno64

Well-known member
Kels823 said:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Reading this thread brought tears to my eyes..

Mzcelaneous – Youre right, I don’t know myself. Theres so much I have to learn.. so much I Don’t know or I dont understand. Im trying to learn how to be patient w/ myself just like Im patient w/ everyone else.

Cno64 – Im 23. I do have a lot to learn.experience.. I guess I get sick of waiting to be ‘in’.. waiting to be what the media is looking for. Right now, its all about round (black girl) butts, etc. Well, Kels might be black, but she aint got one. Im shaped like a P – Great big curves in the front and flat as a pancake in the back. I dunno… its just weird, I guess. I just wanna like me. meet up to those standards. Even this site sometimes……. Not saying that in a bad way AT ALL. Just seeing you beautiful people, how creative and talented you are.. neway, I feel what youre saying. The media hypes up traditional beauty, when traditional beauty doesn’t exist.





QUOTE]
Okay, brace yourself for a big laugh: I'm Caucasian, and I have what has to be one of the roundest behinds God ever made.
When I was young, a flat behind was what every girl wanted, and I got to hear taunts about my "big fat butt." Now, I'd probably be considered "bootylicious."
I can relate to what you say about the media, too. In my day I was "supposed" to be tall and skinny, narrow-hipped, and look like Brooke Shields. Or Christy Brinkley. Or Cheryl Tiegs. All lovely-looking women, but I didn't look at all like any of them, and I never will, and couldn't care less.
I think you're right that maturity will do a lot to increase your comfort level with YOU. You're right; you don't look like a lot of the images you see on TV and in magazines, but that's because those images are fantasy, and you're REAL! You have your own special beauty that God gave you, and He is the best designer of all!
I really think that in a few years, you'll wonder why you worried about this.
 

cno64

Well-known member
If you're wondering, "How does she keep going? Where does she find the strength to stay positive, and enjoy life in spite of being disabled?"
I have to give credit to Jesus Christ, Whom I've known personally since I was 13 years old. There's no way I could have made it through the past 5 years without Him. He's even better than MAC!
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queen89087

Member
I hate to post this because its all personal and stuff, but I think I should vent. :/

I know maybe EXACTLY, how you feel. I am the same way. I spend maybe 1 1/2 hours getting ready though. I look at myself one last time, feel fine with myself. Then I get in the car, look in the mirror, and BAM it hits me. I feel all unconfident and ugly.
Sometimes I feel my eyes are tiny bit cockeyed, so i ask my sister and mother if they are and they say NO your crazy! I asked my best friend a while back and she said No, why would you think that?! But I think they all just say that so they wont hurt my feelings.But, sometimes I think Im just fine, and crazy for thinking that! I just dont get myself.
And sometimes I think my face is disporportionate.
And Im not even go with my body issues. Ugh, too many to talk about.
But I like how you brang this up, it lets me know Im not the only one
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joytheobscure

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by cno64
What she said! When I was in high school (I graduated in '82), I got jeered at for having "fat lips."
Now that full lips are "in," women pay big money for collagen injections,etc. in an effort to make their lips look MORE LIKE MINE!
And I also got teased about my round behind. Thank you, J-Lo, for making it "okay" to have curves!
My point is, your looks change, times change, and the very aspects you hate about your looks today may be the things you learn to appreciate most tomorrow.
It's hard, I know, but try to think of yourself as you would a dear friend. You wouldn't pick a dear friend apart, and fixate on her "flaws," I'm sure. You'd think, "Friend just looks like Friend, and to me that makes her beautiful, with her own special style."
You've got your own special style, too, so, as they say, work it!


I graduated in 95, I got teased RELENTLESSLY in Junior high, I hated myself, I hated school and my classmates. I was very introverted and shy anyways, to top it off, I was the thinnest **I really appreciated Kate Moss in those days, she made my figure popular*** person in my class of 14-I started wearing makeup daily in Junior high and haven't changed any. To add to that when I moved in HS I was still just as shy, but I never thought I was "ugly" per se, but I never could see that anyone liked me or even if a guy hit on me I was blind to it, so I ended up being called "cold" or "unfriendly" -- I still shy away from groups of people... I wish I were one of those people blessed with that "bubbly cute confidence" lol. I blame Junior High/High School for traumatizing millions of perfectly attractive people. I'm having body image issues these days its that "late 20s image crises". I totally agree that styles and what is cool changes though... I just seen a shirt in Old Navy that looks like something I banished from my closet years ago!
 

JULIA

Well-known member
Sweetheart, what you're feeling is something I can definitely relate too.

I wake up an extra hour and a half earlier than necessary for school just so I can pick at my hair and makeup for even longer. I do not take pictures, order school pictures (I did not take Grade 8 graduation pictures) or allow my pictures to be placed out in the open for fear that someone will see all my flaws. I feel so disgusting around my friends (yet they're the ones who say that I'm very attractive). I obsess over models/famous females and get really critical about myself when I realize that I'm so "blah" compared to them. I can sit in a mirror for hours and hours and find all these flaws, yet when I pick them out to someone they say "you're crazy". I don't go out much and when I do, I never stay out for long. I don't really meet new people either because I'm so scared to know that they're judging me based on my looks. ='[

I just get really down when I realize that I'm not the typical skinny girl. I guess its because of the negative comments I've heard people say about me and it really hurts. I've convinced myself that being perfect is the only way to be and its really scary because I don't want to be that 50 year old women you see with millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery who still feels worthless on the inside.
 

pumpkincat210

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by JULIA
Sweetheart, what you're feeling is something I can definitely relate too.

I wake up an extra hour and a half earlier than necessary for school just so I can pick at my hair and makeup for even longer. I do not take pictures, order school pictures (I did not take Grade 8 graduation pictures) or allow my pictures to be placed out in the open for fear that someone will see all my flaws. I feel so disgusting around my friends (yet they're the ones who say that I'm very attractive). I obsess over models/famous females and get really critical about myself when I realize that I'm so "blah" compared to them. I can sit in a mirror for hours and hours and find all these flaws, yet when I pick them out to someone they say "you're crazy". I don't go out much and when I do, I never stay out for long. I don't really meet new people either because I'm so scared to know that they're judging me based on my looks. ='[

I just get really down when I realize that I'm not the typical skinny girl. I guess its because of the negative comments I've heard people say about me and it really hurts. I've convinced myself that being perfect is the only way to be and its really scary because I don't want to be that 50 year old women you see with millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery who still feels worthless on the inside.


Have you ever tried yoga?
It really helps me relax and not worry about my physical appearance so much. Of course I still have my moments, but it isn't something that stops me from getting on with my life.
 

JULIA

Well-known member
I'd really like to get into Yoga. I'm a very stressed out person. I know it would help.
 

pumpkincat210

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by JULIA
I'd really like to get into Yoga. I'm a very stressed out person. I know it would help.

I got some books on it at the library first. Its very relaxing!
 

dollbabybex

Well-known member
ive phoned into work sick cos i feel like i look so ugly i cant leave the house

but on the other hand i have days were i think i look quite pretty.... wierd!

i also think i think i look much bigger than i am... cos i said id love to be as slim as a girl in my work... and everyone told me i was slimmer than her? i was so shocked cos i dont see it.

im only small... a uk size 8-10 (is that an american size 4-6 i think?) and even if i had kate moss's figure tommorow i'd prob still have a moan......


but a lot of my friends are like this too.

maybe its a girl thing?
 
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