Originally Posted by medicredfearn
Ok, so, I just want to share this with you because you and I are the same age, and I don't think anyone our age should feel the way you are feeling.....and you know what? I've been there, just a quick history...
I am half mexican, half korean, I don't know my korean family at all, grew up with the mexican side. Well, my mexican family is from Spanish descendants, and so they're all pretty tall, light skinned, blue or green eyes, light colored hair, just pretty much beautiful people.....and I, well, I'm short, yellow skinned (asian), and well, just not like my family, and growing up I always felt inferior, because my eyes are brown, and slanted, I have freckles, my lips aren't as nicely shaped as everyone else's, my hair is thick, I listen to rock/alternative (considered white people music by my family), and I just couldn't seem to do anything right in their eyes....so that became my perception of myself as well.
I hated myself for being so ugly, I buried myself in books to get away from my thoughts....I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, go out, phone calls, or stay after school....nothing!!
So I hated myself even more, for having such a shiny face, and small eyes, and fat hairy legs, and being so freakin' short! By the time I joined the Army, it was pretty much me feeling inferior again, all the 'popular' female soldiers were taller females with blonde hair, blue eyes, and well, pretty much the barbie looking ones, and I, well I didn't fit that description....so I became depressed, insomniac, and just, stressed, for reasons that I was making up myself!
Because I thought I was so ugly, because I felt I couldn't do anything right, because I felt so out of place! So finally one day I woke up and said to myself,'No More!'
I was tired of feeling horrible, I wanted to show everyone what they were passing up! So instead of focusing on my features that I thought were ugly or fat, I began to look for things that I liked about myself, like since I'm short, I can wear heels and be sexy, and not taller than my date, I can fix my small eyes by wearing eyeliner and making them look more open, i began styling my hair, but these are all superficial things, I think that most importantly, I began to live a healthy lifestyle, you know, exercising, eating right, and 3 meals a day(not starving myself like usual), and after a while, I began to lose weight, and feel confidence....not only that, running, I could think about whatever I want when I'm running, and sort things out in my head, then when I'm done, there's that feeling of accomplishment, and it's just so great to know that you're doing something healthy.
I began to glow (not with confidence) but with love, for myself. I came to accept that although I'm not the most beautiful person, I am the most beautiful person that I can be, and I love myself for that.
You need to look in the mirror like I did, and say, 'I'm young....I'm healthy....I'm smart....I'm beautiful, and I FEEL GOOD!!! You need to grab that self pity, worthlessness, and negative energy, pull it out, and kick it to the curb! You don't need it anymore, ask your family and friends to encourage and support you, and anyone who doesn't, or who puts you down is just jealous! and you don't need them! Find yourself, and you will love yourself.
Just a final thought, you know it wasn't until I began to believe in myself, and feel beautiful that I realized, not only did other people begin to see me as I saw myself, but other people always thought that I was beautiful, I was just too blind and busy feeling sorry for myself to see it.....open your eyes sweetie, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, now embrace it, and love yourself!
I hope this helps, just remember you're not alone!
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