Sensitive Topic & Vent: frustration with parents. It's long but please help.
- Thread starter luvsic
- Start date
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Your description of your mom sounds like you are talking about my boyfriend's mom. She cries if he doesn't call her 1 day... his dad has to email him and tell him to call his mom because she's been mopey and crying all day. When he comes to visit she "makes" him shower because of course he can't figure out when to take showers. Unfortunately, he hasn't really found a way to deal with it where he isn't hurting her feelings. He basically does what he wants and argues logic with her everytime she calls to the point where he dreads her calls instead of enjoying them.
Blah, I went into depression once during school and my parents wanted me to come home... your story made me glad I said no. I would have been so unhappy at home and it would have been much worse for my depression. With these thoughts in mind, I know your parents love you and you love them but that doesn't mean we always do things right or can even live with each other... in your shoes I would do everything possible to get out of there ASAP. Back to school, get your own apartment, whatever it takes.
Work on the depression with a therapist if possible... maybe he or she will even recommend family counseling so you guys have a safe productive environment to work on things. I know you're tired from working part time and I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the depression, but in an effort to eventually be on your own again I would work full time so you have a reason to be out of the house!
Maybe you just need to get your dad on your side and see if he can talk some sense into your mom. He's dealt with her longer and maybe has advice. Or sit down with your parents and tell them how much you appreciate their help, but let them know what parts are detrimental to you.
You're not going to feel any better in your current situation unless you come out and are honest with your parents or until you leave the situation. I know how icky parent things are... there are still plenty of things I would love to bring up with my parents but just thinking about talking about it makes me feel ill, which is why I couldn't live there.
Do you have a cousin or sibling you can stay with until you're feeling better? Maybe being with family will be acceptable to your parents and having someone closer to your age will make you feel better.
Blah, I went into depression once during school and my parents wanted me to come home... your story made me glad I said no. I would have been so unhappy at home and it would have been much worse for my depression. With these thoughts in mind, I know your parents love you and you love them but that doesn't mean we always do things right or can even live with each other... in your shoes I would do everything possible to get out of there ASAP. Back to school, get your own apartment, whatever it takes.
Work on the depression with a therapist if possible... maybe he or she will even recommend family counseling so you guys have a safe productive environment to work on things. I know you're tired from working part time and I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the depression, but in an effort to eventually be on your own again I would work full time so you have a reason to be out of the house!
Maybe you just need to get your dad on your side and see if he can talk some sense into your mom. He's dealt with her longer and maybe has advice. Or sit down with your parents and tell them how much you appreciate their help, but let them know what parts are detrimental to you.
You're not going to feel any better in your current situation unless you come out and are honest with your parents or until you leave the situation. I know how icky parent things are... there are still plenty of things I would love to bring up with my parents but just thinking about talking about it makes me feel ill, which is why I couldn't live there.
Do you have a cousin or sibling you can stay with until you're feeling better? Maybe being with family will be acceptable to your parents and having someone closer to your age will make you feel better.
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
*Hugs* Aww sweety I sort of know where your coming from. I have a similar situation kind of.
It seems as if your parents don't know how to deal with the problems your having. It's like they want to be there for you maybe a bit too much and I guess baby you in a sense. Yet at the same time they'll want you to be like a full grown adult and be completely responsible and everything. It's like they can't pick one thing and completely stick to it.
As for your mother, I think she's worrying wayyy too much about you. It's sort of as if she can't seem to let her child go because she's fearful of what can happen if she does. My mother when I was younger did practically everything for me too. I'm still learning the domestic basics like cleaning, cooking (beyond rice, eggs, and easy stuff), etc. She'll do stuff like tell me to zip up my jacket or coat when I go out and for me to look out for traffic. Yes it does annoy the hell out of me but I guess she does it out of care. No offense but I know your mom is doing it for the same reason because she cares about you but it is starting to get a bit obsessive. This maybe too much to ask but does she have panic disorder? It sounds like she's constantly worrying way too much.
And with the siblings, my little brother treats me like complete shit. I get called fat, a whore, worthless, stupid, and someone who is never going to get anywhere in life on a daily basis from him. It's never ending. Yes it sucks and it hurts inside. But maybe he is just saying all of this because he's insecure? The boy doesn't have that much of great confidence. Maybe it's the same with your sister. She's probably really stressed out from this situation with your parents that she's just lashing out at you. Kind of finding a scapegoat.
Is there any possible way for you to possibly move out even for a little bit from your parent's home? From everything you've said it sounds like a really stressful chaotic and negative enviroment. Maybe moving out will show them that your able to take care of yourself on your own with the help of a therapist and be fine.
It seems as if your parents don't know how to deal with the problems your having. It's like they want to be there for you maybe a bit too much and I guess baby you in a sense. Yet at the same time they'll want you to be like a full grown adult and be completely responsible and everything. It's like they can't pick one thing and completely stick to it.
As for your mother, I think she's worrying wayyy too much about you. It's sort of as if she can't seem to let her child go because she's fearful of what can happen if she does. My mother when I was younger did practically everything for me too. I'm still learning the domestic basics like cleaning, cooking (beyond rice, eggs, and easy stuff), etc. She'll do stuff like tell me to zip up my jacket or coat when I go out and for me to look out for traffic. Yes it does annoy the hell out of me but I guess she does it out of care. No offense but I know your mom is doing it for the same reason because she cares about you but it is starting to get a bit obsessive. This maybe too much to ask but does she have panic disorder? It sounds like she's constantly worrying way too much.
And with the siblings, my little brother treats me like complete shit. I get called fat, a whore, worthless, stupid, and someone who is never going to get anywhere in life on a daily basis from him. It's never ending. Yes it sucks and it hurts inside. But maybe he is just saying all of this because he's insecure? The boy doesn't have that much of great confidence. Maybe it's the same with your sister. She's probably really stressed out from this situation with your parents that she's just lashing out at you. Kind of finding a scapegoat.
Is there any possible way for you to possibly move out even for a little bit from your parent's home? From everything you've said it sounds like a really stressful chaotic and negative enviroment. Maybe moving out will show them that your able to take care of yourself on your own with the help of a therapist and be fine.
X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
I agree with the ladies that family therapy DOES help! It helps you listen to your family like each individual member talk about how they feel and why they do certain things. It's kind of like having a mediator and someone to sort out the mess for you. You just have to keep up with the sessions though and not occasionally go every now and then. I know it may be a bit hard convincing them to go. My parents were really iffy about the whole situation and I guess having to put our business out there for someone to see.
