Serious Confidence Issues

[Krasevayadancer]

New Year new me, right?

While i had a pretty enjoyable new years experience, new years and this past weekend have all sorts of issues coming up in my head.

First of all, I feel fat. I place my weight at about 115 at the moment and this is the heaviest I have been in over 3 years (granted a relapse of anorexia put me at 30 lbs underweight 3 yrs ago). I feel like my weight is slowly climbing and it has left me feeling bloated and disgusting...

My chest has reached gigantic proportions. My boobs somehow keep on growing and I am now a 28 gg (a size that shouldn't exist in nature). I used to be so proud of being chesty, but now i just feel like a blimp. My bf loves it (he is breast obsessed) but I am just so unhappy. I feel like having big boobs is a part of my identity, but at the same time they are out of control. I also feel that my chest makes me look 20lbs heavier.

I feel like I am getting picked on for everything. Take 3 examples from New Years eve. My sister criticized my appearance on 3 occasions.
- She said my high waist jeans looked silly
- She said my hair looked crimped and terrible
- Twice she criticized my choice of bras. Granted, the one i wore was a bit small- but when your chest grows so much and you NEED a low cut bra, what other options are there...

I am unsure of my life's path. I desperately want to further my education, but i am so worried about actually getting into grad school and also deciding where to go, what field to go into etc. Should i go for psych (which was my major and is a passion of mine) or business (which i am currently working in and enjoy as well)

Overall i am just one big emotional mess right now. I am second guessing myself left and right and I am constantly comparing myself to everyone else... I can't be happy being me

 

[purrtykitty]

First of all, don't listen to your sister. I've seen your FOTD's and you're beautiful. Even if you feel like you're fat, you're not (it's the ED talking, trust me I know...it happens to me on a daily basis, too). Second, you need to do what is best for you. I worked for a couple of years, and I was miserable, so I decided to go back to law school, which I had always wanted to do. It was tough (and I'm having a hell of a time trying to get a job...but that's another story), but I would have hated myself if I'd kept working. If you want to go to grad school, then go. Apply to a bunch of different places and I guarantee you'll get into more than one school. I've never met a person who said they were sorry that they didn't continue their education. It's never too late to change, whether it's your body or your mind. OK, I think I've rambled enough.

 

[gigglegirl]

awww *hugs* I can relate to many issues.

With your sister's criticisms--were these in front of people or was it a genuine private conversation? I've had both; one where someone is trying to make fun of you to make themselves feel better and the other where they are trying to help you out but it comes out offensive. Is she jealous of what your life is right now?

School/work dilemma--very much where I am right now. I'm nearly done my undergraduate degree in commerce majoring in Accounting but I'm not sure if thats where I want to be. Plus in Canada we have three different accounting designations to choose from and I have no idea which, if any, I'd like. Or if I should go into finance. Or if I should just push it all aside and try and have a home business. Or do an architecture masters. ARGH all these things running through your head can make you nuts!
-keep in mind that throughout a lifetime, some people can switch major careers a couple times. I would try and find something you love right now, see if you can get into grad school for either (perhaps if you know what your end "dream" job would be, see if you know someone who does that and if you could ask what the job entails--then judge if its what you'd want to pursue further).

I don't know much about psychology (I assume there are a lot of jobs out there) but for me, business won out as I didn't think I wanted to count pills and council the elderly for the rest of my life when I originally wanted to go into pharmacy. Business is very versatile, which suits my personality. I'm not limiting myself to one type of job, I could assume many roles whether its manager, owner, or just a junior accountant (of course many more options too!).

I can sympathize with the stress of making life decisions---I wonder if I'm making the right decisions sometimes. But I just remind myself I'm not cornered, there is always a way to get out and do something else if I'm not happy. We grow from the choices we make and can't worry about making the "perfect" decision as we may end up worrying so much we do nothing.

I wish you the best, keep your chin up and you can start chipping away at all these things running through your head.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Purrty, that wasn't a rant at all. Thank you so much for the kind words :big hug:

Giggle, the criticism was in front of others (which made me even more self conscious) Thanks so much for the kind words as well. It feels good to have someone relate to my position.

 

[athena123]

Oh sweetie, I wish you were here so I could give you a big hug!

but we'll have to settle for a virtual hug.

Your sister sounds like a horse's ass especially if she made her comments in public where others could hear them. Does she always criticize you like this? If she does, please know that her constant jibes are really about HER. Some people are desperately unhappy and can only obtain pleasure from bringing others down to their own level. I call them dreamkillers; the art of "selective hearing" is a useful technique when dealing with the dreamkillers in your life. I learned this from MY dreamkiller in the form of my mother...

No matter what that mirror or the voice inside your head is telling you, 115 pounds is NOT fat! I really deplore the fashion industry for making normal, healthy sized women feel bad because they don't look like drug-starved, anorexic twiggy-type waifs. I'm not sure what your height is, but if you go to this link to calculate your Body Mass Index, BMI - Body Mass Index: Adult BMI Calculator: English | DNPAO | CDC you can see that 115 lbs. is nowhere NEAR the definition of fat or even overweight....

Just as men anguish over the size of their penis, we women tend to obsess on the size of our breasts. My mom wears a size J cup and has felt hampered by having large boobs all her life. I didn't inherit this trait and only wear a C cup. I used to wish for larger breasts but have now come to accept them just as they are. Quit comparing yourself to others because you're uniqueness transcends comparison... Please know that what you're feeling is only temporary; at some point you'll wake up feeling gorgeous JUST AS YOU ARE!

As far as your life path, is this a decision you need to make right now? It sounds like you're putting enough pressure on yourself without this additional burden. And it's quite possible that the path you set out for yourself may change in 10 years simply because your passions will change. The only thing I can recommend is to go with your true passion on this; we spend a lot of time working, best it be something we can enjoy for it's own merit rather than the $$ we make.

Good luck and hugs,

Athena

 

[MsCuppyCakes]

Pm'd ya.

 

[Hilly]

Adina, I am so sorry you're feeling down about life right now. You are such a pretty girl and have fantastic makeup looks. I see you as a grand New Yorker. I wish your sister's words didn't get you down, but that's what sisters/family comments can do. It's not right at all. She shouldn't say that crap to you because she doesn't go through the same struggles as you do. Maybe you can have a stern talk with her.

I hope you have a better day girl

 

[Juneplum]

i'm moving this to deep thoughts ok

it's a little more private..

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Thank you so much for all the kind words everyone and taking the time to read my post.

Athena, here is a virtual hug right back atcha

Mscuppy- thank you again for your kind message.

Hilly- i <3 you. Thank you so much for the advice.

Thank you Juneplum for the hugs and for moving the thread. Wasn't sure where to put it exactly.


Hugs to all of you!

 

[Beauty Mark]

Well, let's see... I'm not sure how old you are, but if your breast size and continual growth is bothering you, I'd talk to a doctor. It sounds a little unusual if you are in your mid-20s or so and haven't changed your lifestyle drastically.

Secondly, unless you're 2 ft. tall, 115 lbs is really thin. There's nothing I or anyone else can say to help you believe that you are beautiful, even though you are. If you feel like you are going relapse, please get help for yourself.

As for your sister, it sounds like she's jealous. Just ignore her. I know it's easier said than done, but it really will be for the best.

I think everyone goes through a career crisis when they're young. Guess what? You have plenty of years ahead to make a decision and it's okay to mess up, per se. I went through one myself when I was job searching. I eventually got back to physics (which is what I majored in), but some of my friends ended up finding something else they love. What I would do is talk to some trusted advisors from your college and see what you learn about psych and whether that is for you. I'd also try working in the psych field, even if it's just volunteer work, to see if that's what you want to do.

Good luck with all of this. It isn't easy, but at least you're confronting what's bothering you.

 

[knoxydoll]

I know how you feel. I gained 70lbs after I had my tonsillectomy. I used to live a very active lifestyle, went from working out 5 to 7 days a week to nothing. I stopped working out because I hurt my back, and was bed ridden for a while. I still have my back pains and still find it hard to get back into action. I often feel disgusted at myself because this isn't me. Thankfully I have support from my boyfriend who'll love me any shape I'm in it seems.

I got really sick at the end of High School and didn't end up graduating on time. That really through my whole education into chaos. I've switched major three times, and hope I've finally made the right decision. But the school keep screwing me around, it's like they don't even want my money. I often feel like a failure when I look back and see what I've done since High School and as a whole it doesn't seem like much, but I've grown a lot and have learnt and worked a lot.

Try and stay positive, start doing things you like to do, just because you can. And just try and remember you're not the only out there that feels this way.

 

[*KT*]

Every woman feels fat now and then. We're our own worst critics most of the time and your sister is just feeding that negative voice in your head. Don't buy into her crap. At 115 pounds, you're no where near fat... in fact, I'm jealous!

IMO, if anything, large breasts make you look even smaller... fat is the last word I'd use! You look healthy in your pictures and healthy should be what we're all aiming for.

YOU are a beautiful person... inside and out!

Regarding education and what you want to do, it sounds like maybe deep down inside you know what you want to do, but are afraid of failing. You're lucky to have to more than one area you're so interested in. Live life without regrets and go for it.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Aww, don't start the new year off like this. You are beautiful...don't let anything make you believe otherwise. I stepped on the scale on new years eve and realized that I gained 10-15 pounds. Wow...I didn't even know it. I don't feel fatter but...if the scale was correct its putting me at 160. Thats CRAZY. I feel where you are coming from. If it is bothering you, then maybe one of your resolutions could be to drink water to make yourself feel less bloated, and concentrate on working out. I'm definetly not saying that you should--you look great to me. But if it will help you feel better, than you should make it a goal. Just do it in a healthy way

About the chest thing...girl I am a DDD and sometimes bigger depending on my bra. I am having such a struggle with this in my life. My boyfriend loves them and he is upset that I'm getting a breast reduction, and at the same time I feel as though I need it. I'm scared he will think I'm mutilated and scarred up and ugly for the rest of my life after the surgery. But you know what? Thats my choice. I think you should consider it. They sound like they are becoming a serious problem in your life. Most insurance companies cover breast reductions if its apparent that you need it. I haven't heard one horror story about a breast reduction. I belong to a message board about this, and I talk to a lot of women and they are all happy that they went through with it. I'm sure we share all of the same problems with our chest. I am also identified by my chest, and that hurts me. I am always here if you need to talk about that...I can feel your pain.

And about your sister--my sister is the same way! Her and I share the big chest issues, and she is always telling me my bra is all wrong, and I can't wear certain shirts because of my chest, etc. She used to criticize me so much...like the same way you said. If I wore a really frosty lipgloss (like I used to do just a couple years ago) she'd make fun of me. I just started flat ironing my hair in like 2005 and she would always tell me I wasn't doing it right because I couldn't get it really straight. Everything I did was wrong or stupid to her. Honestly, theres not much you can do but ignore her. You can always tell her that she hurts your feelings, but I'm not sure how your relationship is with her. I always just ignored my sister. Eventually she stopped, I think it may be because I went to school for cosmetology and now I'm licensed in that field and she feels that I know more...? I dunno. At any rate, she could be very jealous of you. It doesn't matter if you think she has no reason to be, people can be jealous for many reasons. She may just be trying to put you down. Don't let her

Its a shame because I am honestly having some really really major self esteem issues right now and I feel like we can relate on many different levels. Like I said, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I hope that you feel better and take care

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Ladies, thank you again. You have all offered great advice. Don't know what I would do without you all

 

[ratmist]

I think you should always pursue your dreams, but I will say that I've found it extremely difficult to balance the stress of grad school with everything else. The issue that sticks out most as being troublesome to manage while at grad school is my weight.

Until I was 15 and left for college, I exercised everyday for a minimum of two hours. I was heavily involved in dance and martial arts. I've spent the last four years working on my doctorate degree. I don't want to get into it too much, but basically, it's taken everything I have mentally, physically and financially to become an archaeologist. I start work at 10am and I don't stop until 10pm at the earliest. Until very recently, I worked every day, including weekends. I eat, sleep and breathe my research. I have spent the last eleven hard years working towards my goals in college... and during that time, apart from a year before my wedding, I didn't exercise at all.

Frankly, I'm exhausted, utterly and completely. I just don't have the energy to exercise, and I don't have the time to devote to exercising because the tiny bit of time I have to myself is devoted to spending time with my husband.

This has only very recently changed. I realised last year that I was the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life. And I realised it was 10 years since I'd incorporated exercise into my life. My bra size is the biggest it's ever been (36D), and I hate it. At 5' 5.5", I am now 154 lbs. BMI says that's borderline overweight. When I was exercising daily, I was 120-125 lbs, 32B, with very little fat anywhere on my body. But then again, I was 15... I was still growing up. Doesn't change the fact that I'm 30-35 lbs heavier, and I've gone from a US size six to a US size 10. I hate it, so very very much.

I spoke with my doctor and on her advice I started going to the gym again. Problem is, I'm busier than ever with research. I'm writing up my doctorate thesis now and I have even less time than before. I cannot do even one hour daily in the gym. I'm lucky if I go more than twice a week, though I go for an hour each time. I know I should make the time for at least one hour a day, but my doctorate - my research - is far more important to me than my body.

My research and my mind will always be more important to me than my body. I submit my thesis in April (*fingers crossed*) and then I'm going to start addressing the imbalance in my life in regards to my exercise regime. But I know that as long as my body and its health is secondary to expanding my mind, I'll probably keep yo-yoing in weight.

My advice to you (and myself, really) is to learn how to balance exercise with the rest of the stress in your life. And if you can do that, let me know how!

 

[ginger9]

Hi hon,

I just want to say that I think you are one of the most beautiful people here, and I don't just mean your appearance but also your inside as well. You are always kind and encouraging towards all members. And you don't have any airs about you.

Btw, I think you have a ROCKIN body!! And yes your sister is likely jealous cuz I would kill to have a tiny waist like yours so I can wear those high-waisted jeans and pants

.

I feel for you about being unsure of your life's path (as I am in the same boat), but think of it this way, you are young and have so much to look forward to. Having options is so much better than having none. I hope you feel better girl

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Thank you ladies, it means so much to me to hear your kind words, you don't even know!