Sex Issues?

[XShear]

Hi lovelies. I have an issue. Well, I have lots of issues, lol. But this one has been bugging me. So, if you have ideas/suggestion please share!

I've been in a wonderful relationship for almost a year. Everything's great, but the sex, not so much. Of course, I have brought it up and we chat about what we can do to improve, but then after the talk, nothing really seems to come of it. He IS way less experienced than I am, kind of sloppy in a way that totally turns me off. But, I really don't want to do the "don't do that" lecture in bed. How can I refine his technique so it's more steady and not so all over the place (at least that's how I can describe it)? I also believe that he is kind of "freaked out" to try new things. I'm just such at a loss here, because in my last relationship, sex was THE BEST thing about it. So, ladies ... I'm really dying here. Ideas?

Thank you!

 

[xbeatofangelx]

buy him a book. Maybe get a kama sutra book and that way you both can learn from it.

 

[righteothen]

Books are good. Also, you don't have to have a talk in bed to tell him that something isn't good. Move his hands from where they are to where you want them (or any other part of his body, for that matter). Tell him when something feels good (sounds of pleasure work as "telling" here

). As long as he doesn't feel like you're getting onto him, he should be fine.

And don't feel bad if you have to pause things to tell him what you want. This is supposed to be fun for both of you, and if it isn't, he needs to know what he can do to change it in the moment. It's an investment. Once you teach him something you like, he should remember it, and know to do it again.

And about new things, if he's freaked out that he won't do well, reassure him. It might not be the greatest the first time, but he should learn. And if he's just against it, then you might need to have a talk about why, what, and how far you can go.

Hope that helped ^_^.

 

[slowhoney]

I agree that books are good tools, but receiving a how-to sex book would be completely offensive if you ask me. If I put myself on the receiving end, I think I would be really hurt. But looking at one together would be great! So maybe try that.

My other suggestion would be to 'guide' him while actually in bed. Use as few words as possible, and use your hands to guide him in the right places or to do the right motions. (I find this actually turns guys on.) I don't know what he's sloppy with so it is hard to give precise suggestions, but those are mine from what I know.

Also, telling him when he IS doing something right is very, very important. When he knows you'll like it, he's likely to do it again. Men need their egos stroked to learn anything! So make sure that you tell him, verbally since he seems weak on taking signals, when he does something you enjoy. And as I said, when he is doing something you are not enjoying, guide him verbally or physically elsewhere. I find this is the least hurtful way to deal with a guy who is a little sloppy in bed. And trust me, as he gains confidence in pleasuring you, he will learn to be more experimental. But right now he probably senses (and knows since you have talked about it) there is something lacking, and therefore he won't feel confident enough to try new things. That will come with time and confidence-building, so don't give up! I know it's frustrating but in situations like these, you just have to work together and be patient. When it comes to sex, anything can be taught. I'm convinced of that.

 

[user79]

Some good advice in the last 2 posts. When he does something you don't like, say something like, "You know, I don't like this so much, but I really loooove it when you do this _________" and then show him how.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I think maybe you should do it in a way, thats like complimenting him while showing him what you really want. Like "ooh baby that felt good, could you twist your hips like that again" but even though he never really twisted his hips LOL (cosmopolitan gives allllll these tips)

you don't necessarily have to talk to him about it, you can just guide him. like try to guide his hips with your hands at the pace you want, and you can pull him in deeper or do whatever you want with him! LoL. You can also get on top and be in complete control, so at least you're getting some kind of pleasure. If it gets to the point that theres nothing you can do anymore, thats when you should talk to him. I knows its embarrassing, but you have to be happy with your sex life. See, I always just tell the guy (my boyfriend now) what he should do. Like when he fingers me, I'll say OW baby your hurting me, and he stops. Or when we have sex I always tell him how I want it. I guess thats just our relationship, but thank god both of us have some type of experience level lol.

Good luck girl

 

[banjobama]

With my boyfriend the direct route works best. When you don't like what he's doing, say straight up, "don't do that, do this" and show him what you would like. As long as you don't lecture him on it or make him feel bad, it most likely won't bother him.

Probably if you guys talk about it when you're not having sex, and you are more experienced than him, he might be too shy to try anything new once the time comes, so telling him as it's happening might work.

 

[a914butterfly]

lol, he sounds like my husband. the best advice i can give is what i have to do many, many times- just give subtle hints about what you like, where you like, and how you like something. (be very subtle not to hurt his ego)

 

[XShear]

Thanks guys ... with all this great advice & lots of practice (hehe, who'd complain there) the sex life should get back on track ... !

 

[CantAffordMAC]

yeah as long as you don't hurt his feelings, you should be fine. guys (matter fact, everyone) can get sensitive and really hurt when it comes to being criticized (sp) about their performance, if you don't go about it in the right way.

 

[panda0410]

LOL!! My hubby was just like this - he was one of those "wham, bam, thank-you ma'am!" kinda guys and I remember thinking at the time, "well, so long as you got yours, right...???"...LOL!! It was very frustrating for me and quite a out off. I took some advice from a friend and did two things - its works not to say "dont do" to a man in bed - like slowhoney posted above men NEED to have their egos stroked and the best way to destroy that is to criticize what makes him masculine - which is in bed... better to say things like, "I really like..." or better yet SHOW him yourself first with your hands what you like - this will get things burnin!! The other thing we did was visit an adult store to naughty things up a bit - a few gentle books were great on trying different techniques and gave him more confidence to experiment.

 

[dollbabybex]

when i met my ex...his x gf loved it slow and sensual... where as i hate that,to be blunt,i like a good pounding!haha!

so i just told him that i didnt enjoy it as much slow...went on top and showed him the pace i liked it...he got the message!

 

[SparklingWaves]

Show him what you like. Tell him what turns you off and ask him the same.

 

[MACATTAK]

You could always watch some videos together & when you see something you like, let him know

 

[kimmy]

one night, take control of the situation and guide him (like some of these ladies have mentioned) into doing what you like. when he does it right, reassure him (i'm sure you know what i mean by that.

) positive re-enforcement...he'll learn!