She keeps complaining

[Willa]

I've know this girl for 4-5 years. We met through internet by going to ''get togethers'' and after that we chatted with msn and on a french board.

No one can deny it, she is very special, particular. Whines constantly about her situation, love life, health... boring stuff too.

I don't know why, but I always stayed around. I guess I pity her in some way, and before last week I just couldnt flush her out of my ''life''. She is not very present in real life but we kinda chatted here and there during the week because we can have msn open at our job.

I just didnt know what to do because of the pity thing... I decided to let her out of my life but I don't know if I did the right thing. That girl went through a ruff passage in her life, very depressive, a cutter. I don't judge, I had somewhat a great life, spoiled and such... but I think she doesnt help her case.

Here's why :
For the 5 years I've known her, she changed ''friends'' at least 10 times. To her, a friend can be someone she's known for a couple of weeks online, you see it? But the thing is that she keeps changing her friends because she has this pattern she denies. From what I know, she makes plans with her ''friends'' but without being invited, actually she invites herself a lot in your plans with your people... and when people finaly tell her that it wont work for the weekend, she enters her crisis mood, yells at everyone, cries and make you feel cheap because you didnt invite her (even if she had plans somewhere else).

Last time, I had to deal with a ''cutting'' crisis, I felt obligated to do something with her because I didnt want her to cut, but I decided that I would not let her invade my life like that. And also, it wasnt because I choked on her, it was another person that choked on her!

The other thing is that she keeps complaining and cry about the fact the she's not with a guy. But she's a contradiction because on the other hand she keeps telling people online, directly on the boards, that she miss having sex, that she desperatly wants to have sex ''tonight'' and such...

And after chatting with guys who saw her ''message'', she complains that they only wants her for sex and bla bla bla

Hmmm HELLO???
You obviously don't know how to approach men do you?

And I keep telling her that (politely) but she's not receptive to what I say and denies it.

What can you do with somebody like that?
She wrote me a long mail last week about the fact that I seemed mad at her, and that she gave 2 choices. To leave, or to stay and explain myself.

WTF???

Do you know people like that?
I think I did the right thing, she's what you can call a ''toxic'' person.

 

[Girl about town]

some people are toxic to us , she sounds like a friend who keeps on taking but never gives anything back!!! that is hard work and to be honest i wouldn't have time for a friend like that, just grow apart fro her make it look natural.

 

[righteothen]

My mom had a "friend" like that. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of the situation. Like stated above, she's a taker, and either has a really hard time giving back, or just doesn't know how. I can't speak for your situation, but with my mom's, we tried and tried to help her, and to make her see that she was causing a lot of the problems in her life, and she just wouldn't except it. There is only so much you can do, and it sounds like you have tried your hardest.

 

[Willa]

After talking about is with another friend who knows her well, I realized what you said, she doesnt give back a lot...

When you don't feel good she doesnt ask why...
Also, you CAN'T talk about your man or your relationship because she's so jealous, denies it, but she is. She says she's tired to hear about it

righteothen : I tried a lot... wow
And 3 years ago, I went banana because of her and I have to admit that I've been a b*tch one time but I was tired of it all. Maybe I didnt act right that time, but we explained and everything was fine... but still she was making me feel guilty about it. (Not to mention that she called on december 24th with another girl, to bitch on my answering machine...)

It's just that 2 weeks ago she directly told me that I wasnt a friend to her but mostly an online person she knows (even if me and my man brought her twice to the restaurant with us...) and that I didnt know much about her life, and because of that, my advices werent good for her.

COME ON! You keep complaining about your life, telling what you ate for diner, what your mother told you, how bad your head aches, and this always on an online board... BUT still, she says that I don't know her o_0

 

[*Stargazer*]

It should NOT be work to be friends with someone. Friendships should be rewarding, not draining.

Walk away and shed the guilt because you are right, some people are just toxic.

 

[darkishstar]

I had a friend like that.
Needless to say, I stopped speaking with her. She was a drama queen who caused me SO much stress. She went through her groups of friends as well, passed through a group every year or something. I was one of the few she had to stick around behind her.

But she just... couldn't see it, and ended up pushing me away in the end as well. She does not fix these problems and most people or the whole group of current friends she has ditches her. And then she complains that this is why she doesn't get close to people.. blah blah, it's all their fault. But she does not see that she brings it onto herself.

She's finally at the point, where she doesn't have friends because of this.
And even though I feel sorry for her, I don't want to risk bringing her back into my life, because even if I sound like a cold-hearted bitch for doing this, she gave me so many more problems and drama in my life than I EVER had before when I started to get to know her better within the last year or so before I finally broke the friendship.

 

[User93]

Such people are kinda energetic vampires, really. We havea girl in out college, she hasa difficult financial situation, plus really wierd, smeels glue etc :/ Me and my friends were kinda cool with her, we let her to our houses to do the works on pc etc. But she is really really wierd, once @ my friend's app she just went to the kitchen silently and ate all the cheese from the fridge w/o even asking or smth lol. And she is kind of that vampires, such as your 'friend', after hanging with her you feel emotionally exhaused etc... See, you're a great person if you tried to help her etc, but such ppl are just wierd, you never gonna be able to change her, so why waste you nerves, free time, emotions etc? We all have such a hectic life now, so we gotta make time for our family, closest friends, things we need to do, no doing some humanitarian aid! Just try to reduce your contacts and time with her, tell you're busy, gotta study, cant meet today bla bla bla.

And well, a funny story aswell - once i was working on a presentation at my college, kinda conference. So we started at 10, and at 3 we had a break for dinner. There, at the conference, i met another girl, abou 22 years old. So we were chatting a little while doing things, and went to eat together. We sit in the canteen, and she is like "damn no salt in the soup", soo i offer her a half of my salad, so it tastes better for her (mmm the organizators gave us a "magic ticket" to the canteen that day, you take everything you want and its for free, yuuumy). So she refuses, and then says "thanks so much, you're such a great friend, i value our friendship so much". )
I thought like huh, i know you for the last 5 hours, cmon! Then she started asking if i wanna hang with her at the weekend etc, i just said i study a lot (true), and that was it. Some people are the reeeal wierdos.

 

[Kalico]

That sounds like my best friend in high school! It only got worse. I eventually had enough and had to let her go, especially when it started to really effect my life.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Why on earth are you hanging out with said person? Do you get anything out of her?

She makes you miserable, no? I would dump her. People who complain all the time are toxic and draining

 

[Willa]

I guess I stayed around because I somewhat pitied her
She's very unfortunate, her parents are religious (jehovah witness) and sects freak, she was raised confined in her bedroom without any rights to have friends...

It probably played a lot on the fact that she doesnt know how to deal and connect with people.

Because of that I was carefull with my actions, but after all I also need to think about me and untill last week she was draining LOTS of energy from me.

I just hope that one day she'll be able to get her things right

I do not wish her bad stuff at all...
But she has not been good to me lately either...

 

[Beauty Mark]

You don't have to wish bad stuff on her, but I personally think if someone is that draining that it does you no good to hang out with her.