shocked

[SerenityRaine]

So, I was checking my friends facebook cuz she didn't return to my myspace message & she hadn't been on since the 2/21. Then I started reading the comments ppl left on her wall & to my horror..she's gone (apparently since the end of last month). I can't believe she's gones..I feel soo bad, if I hadn't moved away she might still be alive...

 

[Holly]

I'm so sorry hon

 

[jess98765]

ooohhh i'm so sorry to hear that girlie.. It must be such a big shock i'm sure. It was just like how last year, after new years while i was still overseas i got an email saying that one of my best friends brother had passed.... Even though i didn't know him personally i just felt so sick and shocked by the whole situation.
Keep strong sweetie

 

[saniyairshad]

I am so sorry. One of my best friends lost an old friend of ehrs and she is so devastated, she is sooo upset, and comepletely withdrawn from everything. it makes me so sick to my stomach to think about it. im so sorry... cheer up hon...and feel better

 

[Hawkeye]

you can't put guilt on yourself like that hon. There is no way to know what is going through peoples heads. *HUGS* Just keep your chin up, I know it's hard but just know that the best thing you can do is send your love and offer as much help as you can to her family. That's really the only thing you can do.

 

[MiCHiE]

OMG! I'm SO sorry....and that's a horrible way to find out. But, don't blame yourself for it.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I'm so sorry that you had to find out like that. You being there or not wouldn't have prevented her death, nor did it cause her death.

Take care of yourself and try to get in contact with the family

 

[SerenityRaine]

Her poor family, she was the only daughter and maybe the only grandchild..not sure. The grief they must be dealing with...bless their souls. I just keep wondering if it was accidental or purpose..as she had alcohol/drug problems. She had soo much heartache..her boyfriend died a few years previously. Had problems with a stalker ex bf. Then she had an abortion in the early fall...I don't think she was taking that well at all...So tragic. I'm trying to remember all the good memories.

 

[kaliraksha]

im so sorry to hear this. please dont guilt yourself.

 

[~LadyLocks~]

I'm so sorry to hear that hun, it's not your fault so don't blame yourself. Remember, things happen for a reason...

 

[Brumbjorn]

**gives you the best mom type hug she can**

Don't blame yourself honey. Feel sad at her passing, but don't let that turn into guilt for "not being there". I had a friend take her life and I felt bad for ages that I was not there for her. I felt that I hastened the problems she was having by letting her mother know what was going on (if you want the whole story, I'll PM it to you) and that by doing that I only worsened her mental state.

Then someone told me that it was her choice to do what she did, not mine and that I could not choose for her.

Does that make sense? I'm shit for explaining things.

Here is what I did after my friend died: I sent mom a note (I was very close with her as a kid and I called her mother "MOM" since she stepped in as one after my mom died) telling how much her daughter meant to me, funny memories and how sad I was and I know that her hurt must be worse. Then I called her on Mothers Day. Even though her daughter is dead, she is still a mother. Letting her know that there was someone else out there sharing her pain helped she said.

I'm not saying to do this. Mine is an extradionary case since I had a good relationship with her, but letting the family know you care, maybe by doing something in her memory or donating to a cause you think she might like, can help ease their pain and hopefully ease your as well.

Find someone you can talk to -- not IM, not post to, but talk face to face with. Having a shoulder to cry on does a world of good. If you are college/uni (I'm assuming you are since you mention Facebook) see if your school offers counceling. Talking to an impartial person is SO helpful. Grief issues are not something to take lightly.

Finally, the best piece of advice someone told me about death "The pain of losing someone never goes away. It just hurts less often over time"

Cry. Grieve. Give it time. and DO NOT blame yourself.

**gives you another hug**

 

[gracetre123]

I'm so sorry to hear that...HUGS!!

 

[Lissa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brumbjorn Talking to an impartial person is SO helpful. Grief issues are not something to take lightly.

Absolutely. If you are finding it difficult to come to terms with this tragic event, which would be a natural reaction in any such situation, it is essential you seek some sort of impartial advice from a trusted professional.

Over the last few years, I've had two very close people take their own lives. One was a family member. After lots of counselling where we discussed the "what if's" and "if only I had....", the same conclusion was always reached: the person who had left had chosen to do so, and nothing would have changed that. It is a personal choice that has nothing to do with anyone else; it's what they want and is often something decided long before the event itself. Blame cannot be placed on anybody else. Life just becomes unbearable for some people for whatever reason it may be and this is their route to peace and happiness.

That's not to say it is easy just to accept that fact and grieve normally for your loss. It takes a long time to adjust to that and to be honest it is not something I can still fully comprehend, which I'm sure is the same as most people in a similar situation. It is a very, very difficult thing to try to understand why or how this happened.

You will feel much better talking it over with someone who's studied grief and suicide....they will explain it to you better than I can, and hopefully help put your mind at rest that you were not involved in this and could not have changed it even if you hadn't moved away.

Wishing you the very best and I hope you find your mind put at ease somewhat.....xx

 

[giz2000]

Hugs to you, hun....

 

[asian_eyes]

Do not blame yourself.... honey, when god closes one door, another one automatically opens.

***hugs*****

 

[Beachgrl07]

That happened to me too but it was a friend of a friend so it only hit home because my friend had been in the car accident with her...

 

[SerenityRaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brumbjorn **gives you the best mom type hug she can** Don't blame yourself honey. Feel sad at her passing, but don't let that turn into guilt for "not being there". I had a friend take her life and I felt bad for ages that I was not there for her. I felt that I hastened the problems she was having by letting her mother know what was going on (if you want the whole story, I'll PM it to you) and that by doing that I only worsened her mental state. Then someone told me that it was her choice to do what she did, not mine and that I could not choose for her. Does that make sense? I'm shit for explaining things. Here is what I did after my friend died: I sent mom a note (I was very close with her as a kid and I called her mother "MOM" since she stepped in as one after my mom died) telling how much her daughter meant to me, funny memories and how sad I was and I know that her hurt must be worse. Then I called her on Mothers Day. Even though her daughter is dead, she is still a mother. Letting her know that there was someone else out there sharing her pain helped she said. I'm not saying to do this. Mine is an extradionary case since I had a good relationship with her, but letting the family know you care, maybe by doing something in her memory or donating to a cause you think she might like, can help ease their pain and hopefully ease your as well. Find someone you can talk to -- not IM, not post to, but talk face to face with. Having a shoulder to cry on does a world of good. If you are college/uni (I'm assuming you are since you mention Facebook) see if your school offers counceling. Talking to an impartial person is SO helpful. Grief issues are not something to take lightly. Finally, the best piece of advice someone told me about death "The pain of losing someone never goes away. It just hurts less often over time" Cry. Grieve. Give it time. and DO NOT blame yourself. **gives you another hug**

Thank you, you explained things very well. I love the idea of the mother's day card but I never met her mother & only talked to her a couple times. I definitely want to do something for her family to memorialize her..I've been lookin online for memorial gifts, haven't quite found the right one. I want to get one of those picture frames with the verses on the side..haven't found one I've liked yet... or maybe a lil figurine in remembrance of her..

These past few days I've been goin the whole thing in my head...the thing that is driving me crazy is not knowing how she went - accidental or not. [I've messaged some of her friends but no response yet - don't know if they just don't log on or if they are ignoring my message..]Today marks a month since her death or yesterday rather (3/22).Its all still very surreal to me but its starting to sink in. Back in September or October, she had me all crazy with worry. She had just had her abortion & was recovering. On top of all the pain meds she was drinking heavily...so pretty messed up. I went over to keep her company & she tried to ash on my sandal. I told her not to & tried to find somethin for her to ash on & she starts inchorently saying "my baby could be there" & started crying. I tried to comfort her as much as I could in her messed up state of mind...it was very awkward. I stayed with her until she finally passed out & tried to wake her when I went home (across the street). The next day I start callin her as soon as I got up and it wasn't until late that evening that I heard back from her. I thought that I was gonna hafta go to her apt & call 911 or somethin. It was such a relief to hear she her voice on the other end.

 

[SerenityRaine]

So, I finally got a response back from one of her friends on the cause of her death. She died in her sleep & her land lady found her body the next day. It wasn't drug or foul play. Autopsy doesn't come back from the coroner's office till May.. She didn't have any medical problems that I knew of so this completely boggles me now...

 

[saniyairshad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SerenityRaine So, I finally got a response back from one of her friends on the cause of her death. She died in her sleep & her land lady found her body the next day. It wasn't drug or foul play. Autopsy doesn't come back from the coroner's office till May.. She didn't have any medical problems that I knew of so this completely boggles me now...

Remember hon if u ever need to talk to someone u can PM me, I feel awful and I can imagine what ur going through, remember that there are people all around and they r there for you. If u need to talk PM me