Should I ditch these girlfriends?
- Thread starter siawby
- Start date
MxAxC-_ATTACK
Well-known member
I'd ditch anyone who didn't like my dog. Seriously. He is like my child.
MisStarrlight
Well-known member
Have you ever tried to tell them no? Sounds simple, but I know how difficult that can be (and sometimes people don't even consider that option).
I'm not one of those "talk to them" type of people, but if you're open & honest with them some of the things may clear up. If you don't want them to come to NY with you, say that you'd rather they didn't, that it's a family thing. Next time they cancel on you, say that you're disappointed...stuff like that. Chances are they don't even realize half of the stuff they are doing & how it's affecting you.
I can't ever seem to cut people out of my life without a fight, but if you distance yourself from them things may work themselves out....and things will be totally different after everyone is done with their thesis (trust me on that one-I didn't talk to anyone for a month before my thesis art exhibit & then again right before the paper was due)
I'm not one of those "talk to them" type of people, but if you're open & honest with them some of the things may clear up. If you don't want them to come to NY with you, say that you'd rather they didn't, that it's a family thing. Next time they cancel on you, say that you're disappointed...stuff like that. Chances are they don't even realize half of the stuff they are doing & how it's affecting you.
I can't ever seem to cut people out of my life without a fight, but if you distance yourself from them things may work themselves out....and things will be totally different after everyone is done with their thesis (trust me on that one-I didn't talk to anyone for a month before my thesis art exhibit & then again right before the paper was due)
Showgirl
Well-known member
Here's what I'd suggest:
Definitely have a sit down with them (either together, or perhaps, individually) and explain that you're finding some of their behaviour at the moment difficult, self-centred, insensitive. It's possible they don't even realise how much their actions are affecting and upsetting you. Don't be judgmental or angry if you can help it, just say something along the lines of " I know you're not doing this deliberately, but I feel you're expecting a lot of me to make all these arrangements, and not really giving a lot back, and it also upsets me that you guys have let me down when I *do* arrange stuff for us lately. There's also been a couple of comments you guys have made recently that I've found quite hurtful, and I just wanted to explain to you guys how I've been feeling" type thing. Try and use objective phrases like "I think", "I feel", "that thing made me feel" rather than accusational,confrontational statements like "you did this, you did that" etc (if that makes sense).
Their reaction will tell you whether they're good friends and worth keeping (if they are upset/surprised at how you're feeling, and say "OK, let's work on this"), or if they're just selfish takers. It could be that their behaviours of late are due to other problems entirely in their life that you're not aware of, and they've been acting carelessly towards your friendship with them because of other distractions.
Also, if you do decide to initiate this kind of frank chat, appreciate that they may be having issues with you, too, and be prepared to accept criticism constructively. Could it be that the reason you're getting the brush off and slightly mean comments is that you have done something to upset them?
See, buddies are something that's relatively easy to pick up in life, and they come and go over the years, but good true friends who're there for you are harder to find. If they're deadweight and they simply don't care for your feelings, sure, ditch 'em or at least don't go out of your way to make a lot of effort for them in future, life's too short.
If they're good girls, and care, you can talk about this, and there might be a lot more behind the stuff that's upsetting you than you realise. And if they are truly good friends to you, then they're worth working this through for.
Definitely have a sit down with them (either together, or perhaps, individually) and explain that you're finding some of their behaviour at the moment difficult, self-centred, insensitive. It's possible they don't even realise how much their actions are affecting and upsetting you. Don't be judgmental or angry if you can help it, just say something along the lines of " I know you're not doing this deliberately, but I feel you're expecting a lot of me to make all these arrangements, and not really giving a lot back, and it also upsets me that you guys have let me down when I *do* arrange stuff for us lately. There's also been a couple of comments you guys have made recently that I've found quite hurtful, and I just wanted to explain to you guys how I've been feeling" type thing. Try and use objective phrases like "I think", "I feel", "that thing made me feel" rather than accusational,confrontational statements like "you did this, you did that" etc (if that makes sense).
Their reaction will tell you whether they're good friends and worth keeping (if they are upset/surprised at how you're feeling, and say "OK, let's work on this"), or if they're just selfish takers. It could be that their behaviours of late are due to other problems entirely in their life that you're not aware of, and they've been acting carelessly towards your friendship with them because of other distractions.
Also, if you do decide to initiate this kind of frank chat, appreciate that they may be having issues with you, too, and be prepared to accept criticism constructively. Could it be that the reason you're getting the brush off and slightly mean comments is that you have done something to upset them?
See, buddies are something that's relatively easy to pick up in life, and they come and go over the years, but good true friends who're there for you are harder to find. If they're deadweight and they simply don't care for your feelings, sure, ditch 'em or at least don't go out of your way to make a lot of effort for them in future, life's too short.
If they're good girls, and care, you can talk about this, and there might be a lot more behind the stuff that's upsetting you than you realise. And if they are truly good friends to you, then they're worth working this through for.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
I'd talk to them before ditching them. It'll give you the peace of mind that you did everything within your power.
However, they honestly sound like horrible people and I would ditch them. Even if you can't or won't 100% ditch them, start standing up for yourself! Say no to the NY trip, tell them if they don't like your plans that they should've contributed more than nothing, etc.
However, they honestly sound like horrible people and I would ditch them. Even if you can't or won't 100% ditch them, start standing up for yourself! Say no to the NY trip, tell them if they don't like your plans that they should've contributed more than nothing, etc.
SingFrAbsoltion
Well-known member
Quote:
Totally agree. I ditched people who made me upset and depressed while I was with them, it makes your life better!
Also, has this been going on for a long time? I mean if it's a recent thing maybe it's just your stress that's making you get so irritated. If so, just try not to talk to them for a short period of time maybe and see if you feel different when you guys finally do hang out.
Originally Posted by Shimmer
I would ditch anyone who wasn't bringing something positive to my life at least the majority of the time. |
Totally agree. I ditched people who made me upset and depressed while I was with them, it makes your life better!
Also, has this been going on for a long time? I mean if it's a recent thing maybe it's just your stress that's making you get so irritated. If so, just try not to talk to them for a short period of time maybe and see if you feel different when you guys finally do hang out.
little teaser
Well-known member
i too would talk to them befor ditching them, you all may be able to work this out, i also agree that takeing a lil break would help too.
as far as the dog please dont take this the wrong way but takeing a road trip in a car with a stinky animal can be a lil annoying what if you were stuck in a car with a stinky smell that you werent use too, like a kid with a poopy diaper after a while you could become nausous
as far as the dog please dont take this the wrong way but takeing a road trip in a car with a stinky animal can be a lil annoying what if you were stuck in a car with a stinky smell that you werent use too, like a kid with a poopy diaper after a while you could become nausous
flowerhead
Well-known member
You cannot wash dogs often tho...they just smell.
I wouldn't really bother with them, I agree with what Shimmer said.
I wouldn't really bother with them, I agree with what Shimmer said.
jenii
Well-known member
Quote:
I totally agree. Hell, when people visit my parents (their Golden is also really stinky most of the time), my mother makes it a point to put the dog outside, especially if food is going to be served.
Sure, a dog's owner might not mind being surrounded by the smell, but it's plain inconsiderate to expect guests to put up with it.
| Originally Posted by little teaser
as far as the dog please dont take this the wrong way but takeing a road trip in a car with a stinky animal can be a lil annoying what if you were stuck in a car with a stinky smell that you werent use too, like a kid with a poopy diaper after a while you could become nausous |
I totally agree. Hell, when people visit my parents (their Golden is also really stinky most of the time), my mother makes it a point to put the dog outside, especially if food is going to be served.
Sure, a dog's owner might not mind being surrounded by the smell, but it's plain inconsiderate to expect guests to put up with it.
siawby
Active member
Thank you everyone^^
I totally agree that it is wrong to expect non-dog owners to put up with the disgusting smell...ummm...but I did tell them in the first place before they decided to come with me in MY car, and I bathe my dog every 10 days...so..^^.
But, I will try to sit down and talk it out nicely with them~and if it doesn't work, well then...I'll be free free free~~
In the meantime...I'll just treat myself to some MAC therapy (I signed up for my first MAC seminar!!!) and destress~
Thanks again for all your support
LOL
I totally agree that it is wrong to expect non-dog owners to put up with the disgusting smell...ummm...but I did tell them in the first place before they decided to come with me in MY car, and I bathe my dog every 10 days...so..^^.
But, I will try to sit down and talk it out nicely with them~and if it doesn't work, well then...I'll be free free free~~
In the meantime...I'll just treat myself to some MAC therapy (I signed up for my first MAC seminar!!!) and destress~
Thanks again for all your support
LOL
MACATTAK
Well-known member
I used to have friends that I could never get rid of...they were like bad habbits I couldn't break. I finally had to cut down a lot of people that were bringing me down. With so much going on in your life with school I don't think you should settle for anything less than the best with friends. You don't have time for that, nor should you have to put up with it.
