Sobriety..

[Tahti]

On the 15th of this month, I'll have been 2 months sober. ^_^
I wanted to post this so maybe others could share their stories, and have a support in our sobriety, so I'll share mine.

Since 12 years old, I've been a drug and alcohol abuser. 2 month ago, I hit the lowest point I've ever been - I was suspended from college, had my government money support cancelled, was months behind on my rent, as well as many personal problems - all coinciding and blowing up together. Moving to Ireland was a major turning point in my abuse - it's culture is so different to Finland, not to mention the language difficulties. I took an accidental overdose, and was hospitalized, but discharged after a day. The very minute I got out I was looking to score - which I did, and took another massive dose and attempted suicide. I was put in a psychiatric ward for a week, and then let go and made attend addiction counseling meetings.

I can't remember the 2 months before this happened - every day I was taking large doses of perscription medication, cocaine and alcohol - in incredibly dangerous doses. It's apparently a miracle my body survived at all. This combination made me black out for up to 15 hours on an end, hence the memory loss.

I decided to quit it all and go cold turkey (the most horrible thing to do, officially D: ..) after being discharged from the psychiatric ward - I was so ashamed of myself, I had so much and I just threw it all away. Every day is still so difficult, for years my emotional growth has been stunted, and every tiny stress made me want to go out and score. Having no family support over here is a strain, especially as I had to detach from all the friends I made, because they used. This Friday I'm going to a rehabilitation centre for a month - because I know I can't fully do it on my own again. I now have 2 people in me, the one who wants to stay well, and the other who wants to go and get trashed so she doesn't have to feel any emotion...

Always remember - we can do it! Every day it gets easier ;D

 

[leenybeeny]

you are so brave, and it sounds to me like you are on the right track... my thoughts are with you to continue on this healthy road you are choosing for yourself.. you should be very proud!

 

[joey444]

Congratulations!!! You are strong and there are many people that don't have the will power and courage to stop using. You're doing awsome and hopefully you can inspire someone else who is in the situation that you once were.
Remember that you have all of us here to support you every step of the way!!

 

[n_c]

Congratulations on your decision to stay sober, good luck

 

[MAC_Whore]

Well done. You took a very big step and should be very proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

 

[abbyquack]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know how hard it must be to go through something like this. I personally have been sober now for a year and a half, and although it never quite got as bad as say o.d.'ing or masochism, I hit a really low point and realized I didn't want to be that way anymore. I drank to the point of oblivion, to where I was crawling home every single night for 5 months straight. My mental health was definitely impaired, and I made a lot of choices that I look back and really regret, because it wasn't the me I know today. My lowest point is probably when I moved on to hard drugs, and they made me really sick. I also know that I drank b/c I was insecure, and once I learned to love myself, I realized I didn't need to drink or do drugs anymore to be comfortable. In fact, I don't want to, for fear of missing out on all the beautiful moments life brings. But that is a hard road, and I commend you for attempting it. I hope you will always feel comfortable to express your feelings here on specktra.

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm so happy you decided to do this, and 2 months with going cold turkey is no easy feat. Thanks for posting your story.

 

[TISH1124]

Congrats!!! You are incredibly strong...Keep pushing forward !!!

 

[coachkitten]

Tahiti keep up the good work. I am very proud of you and I am sure that those around you are as well. Please know that you can always lean on the Specktra community for support. I am sure that there are others here that have/are going through the same thing.

Abby I am proud of you as well.

 

[MzzRach]

You are incredibly brave and I thank you for sharing your story. I wish you luck on this journey. You are an amazing person!

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Girl, quitting cold turkey is the hardest thing ever. Kudos to you. U are very strong girl. Keep you head up and never give up.

 

[Mabelle]

Congrats! i wish you the very best of luck in your recovery.

My mom was a coke user when i was a child. She would binge for days at a time. She quit, and has been clean for ohh, probably 15 years now. If she can do it, you certainly can to.

I'm proud of you for taking the steps to get yourself and your life together.If you ever need some extra support all of us at specktra are here for you!!

 

[nunu]

Congrats girl

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Great job! I'm happy for you. Keep up the good work. I love your optimism. You've come a long way and I'm so happy that you are going to keep going.

I'm lucky to have great influences in my life. I think that's a really big thing.

 

[lafemmenoir]

Tahti

You are amazing. I really am inspired by your courage. Nowadays I'm reflecting on things beyond what I can see, and you have been through a lot and owned up to it. From my knowledge, sobriety of any kind is not easy, I can barely swear off Specktra and here I am, but know that you are worth it, but even more, get to the root of what made you feel so down you thought you deserved to punish yourself. Don't compare your insides to others' outsides. When I spoke to my dad about a lot of crap in our family he said, "Don't take things at face value, if you get close enough there is some rust under the shiny surface." I believe that now, and this was ten years ago. Get a support system, journal, and find a hobby or something that makes you feel good about yourself, many times addictions can root in low self esteem. Good luck hun!

 

[frocher]

Congrats Tahiti! It must have taken a great deal of courage to share your story with us, thank you.

 

[SakurasamaLover]

Exposing our flaws to other people by admitting it, then quitting it is not an easy task, and I am really glad for you that you did it. Thanks for sharing your story, I hope everything gets better for you soon.

 

[frankenkitty71]

Congrats on your two months! Are you starting to feel more healthy? Are you able to sleep? Sobriety takes a lot of hard work and maintenance

After many failed attempts I now have 2 years clean!!! The beginning of sobriety is WONDERFUL and you can be super proud of yourself!!! What most people don't know is that once you get clean you see what a mess you have made of your life with a clear head and wide eyes and that truth is depressing. Many have gone back to addiction to dull the pain of this reality. Please have faith in yourself that you can overcome these bad feelings and you can rebuild your life as long as you are sober

Be kind and forgiving of yourself and give yourself time to get things back in order. Life WILL get better. That is a promise

I wish you strength and love and if you need to talk about absolutely anything you can PM me anytime. If I can't help I will find someone who can. I have a LARGE network of sober friends, many of whom have over 10 years clean. You are not alone

Best Wishes!!!!

 

[purrtykitty]

Congratulations to you, abby, and frankenkitty. It takes so much strength to realize how you are destroying your life, and then to do a complete 180. You all are wonderful role models.

 

[.Ice]

I'm soooo rooting for you. I have a cousin in Canada who dropped out of high school and all he does is smoke weed 24/7. His mother is distraught and I can't blame her. You're in my prayers. Congrats and keep up the good work! Please do keep us updated on your progress.