some confusing thoughts on motivations

[peppertray]

Read on at your own risk, haha. I'm so glad I found this section of the forum because I've been wasting a lot of time thinking lately.

I wonder why I enjoy some of the more "highbrow" things I do, like reading about art, history, and archaeology. It seems possible that I like those things for themselves AND because they make me feel sophisticated or intellectual. It's like a positive feedback loop of smugness- I like it, and then I like that I like it because it's what I think smart/sensitive people like.
I might try to defend myself here by pointing out that those things are mostly private pleasures. I don't put "archaeology" or "visiting art museums" on my facebook profile. In fact, almost nobody knows I've any interest in those things so there's no ego-boost to be had, right?
The cynical side of me responds that there's more self-deception going on. I mistakenly think that not putting my intellectual turn-ons out there makes my enjoyment more pure and validates it.
etc, etc.

I seem to have some kind of revulsion to being like that, and I don't know where it comes from. Basically, it bothers me that there's always another layer behind some level of motivation, or that I can at least always imagine another layer. Is there no genuineness, are there ulterior motives for everything I think is nice/good?
Then I wonder whether these things are even worth thinking about. Maybe I should just take the life of my mind at face value. I mean the alternative would make me pretty sad.

 

[blazeno.8]

I'm not quite sure about the motivation of the actions, but it looks like there is a motivation to the feelings that you're getting from these actions. It looks like they circle around self-exploration both intellectual (the knowledge that you get from these things) and social. (the way you feel other might think of it and the way you feel sophisticated when you do these things).
I don't know if it was first just a simple action of enjoying these subjects that became intertwined with the desire to know how it does and how it should fit in with other aspects of your life.

 

[florabundance]

I also have intellectual interests that I recognise as intellectual and that I choose not to share with others. The reason for that is mainly that I went to a private school, and I was surrounded by so many people who validated themselves and defined themselves by publicly parading their cultural/artistic interests and I thought that they were douchebags. So, as to prevent myself from becoming a douchebag, I keep my interests to myself, until a relevant conversation (and I mean real conversation, not 'let's listen to eachother show off') ensues.