Sometimes my bf acts like he is 30 yrs. old

[Pink_minx]

Well hes 19 years old but we both have differences when it comes to going out partying and clubbing. I havent even done any of these things "yet!" and he is already telling me that he doesnt know if he wants me to go out and do those things. I said its just to hang out with my girlfriends and its all for fun. He says that all that stuff is all for single people, which is true but there are couples out there who still go dancing together at clubs and still party. And even if I go without him its not like Im gonna start flirting with guys and wanting their phonenumbers...im not like that. I told him that and hes like "there are going to be guys wanting to dance with you and wanting to pick up on you, thats why I dont go to parties because guys just want a piece of ass I've seen it when I went to a party with my friends. Thats why I never go and i will never drink cuz that can lead to other things like cheating." etc etc. Like all the fun stuff you would want to do with your girlfriends like going out dancing he is always negative about it.


Like my bf is affraid of something...before I turned 18 he was like "im affraid that when you turn 18 you are gonna change." I dont know what else to tell him no matter how much I tell him everything is gonna be fine and doing those things are normal but he doesnt think its normal especially if you are in a relationship. As for me if you are in a relationship or not it shouldnt matter. I mean you got to have a social life. Hes always worried about the future and what the outcome maybe when partying and clubbing he always brings up that it can lead to cheating. I dont know what else to tell him or what to do. Hes always bringing the negative sides to it. Like I know there can be some bad things about it but thats only if you let those things happen like "cheating", wanting to dance with another guy or drinking so much you dont know who you slept with. I told him I will never do those things but hes always doubting it and not trusting my words.

What should I do?

 

[Eye<3Colour]

hey now!! im 30yrs old, and i still love clubbing!!

as far your boyfriend, good luck. im not giving advice, cause im alot older then you, and i would say things an 18 year old prob wouldnt. good luck, and i hope in the end you get your way!!!

 

[n_j_t]

30 is not old!

He doesn't have to go with you, but if you want to go out sometimes, I don't see the problem.

Not to sound patronizing, but you're both very young and you will both change. A lot. Whether or not you change together is not something anyone can predict.

As for alcohol consumption and cheating--there is no amount of alcohol that causes or justifies infidelity. If you can't control yourself when drinking, don't drink. Or know when to stop. Trust and insecurity on his part are obviously issues that need to be addressed.

Good luck

 

[caffn8me]

I'd love to be 30 years old again but I'm now 39

- I've never really enjoyed clubbing - I prefer to meet folks in bars and chat or go for a nice dinner. Maybe your bf is like that too.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by n_j_t 30 is not old! He doesn't have to go with you, but if you want to go out sometimes, I don't see the problem. Not to sound patronizing, but you're both very young and you will both change. A lot. Whether or not you change together is not something anyone can predict. As for alcohol consumption and cheating--there is no amount of alcohol that causes or justifies infidelity. If you can't control yourself when drinking, don't drink. Or know when to stop. Trust and insecurity on his part are obviously issues that need to be addressed. Good luck

I agree with this totally! and I think I had a boyfriend like this too.. a couple of years older at that age.. Seriously though your life changes a lot at that age so don't let him hold you back or make you feel guilty for trying new things.

 

[Pink_minx]

Thanks girls. sry about picking the number 30 haha I meant as in he acts like hes way older than he should be ya know what I mean. Thanks a lot for the advice ladies.

 

[lovemichelle]

My boyfriend and I both don't do the club thing. I was never that kind of person. I'm only 22 and I agree with your man that clubbing is for single people. I couldn't imagine going to a place like that without my boyfriend even though I know I would never do anything. We do everything together and he's 5 years older then me, yet we feel the same on the club thing. He used to do it when he was younger, but it was never me. I've always been in a relationship so going out like that never crossed my mind. My ex used to go clubbing behind my back and when I found out that shit was over. Among other reasons, but I knew he probably cheated if he went out to clubs.

I think if he doesn't want you doing it then you should respect that, but thats just my opinion.

 

[DaisyDee]

My opinion (as a 38 y/o woman) is to go have your fun now while you're still young enough to get away with it without looking silly! LOL

Don't start letting a guy keep a tight hold on you this young.

 

[Gloriamgo]

Ok, I've been with my boyfriend since I was sixteen. I'm 21 now, so I have been through this whole "everything changes when you turn 18..." crap. Yes, many things do change, but if you are truly committed to someone, even at such a young age, you can totally control yourself. i didn't really go out to clubs or anything too much before this year (a lot of my friends are older and i didnt want to/like to make them go to an eighteen and over club just for me), but once i turned 21, forget it!! if i want to go, i will go. no, my bf does not go with me, he actually lives in a different state now, but despite that difficulty, our relationship is and has been fine. he does let me know every now and then that he would rather i not go to bars/clubs, because he has the mentality that they are for single people looking to hook up, but i dont think that, and just because he doesnt like it, does not mean that i'm not going to go if i really feel like it. i dont go out all the time, i actually hardly ever go out because i'm too busy with school and work, but i feel that, just like you said, we are entitled to our own social lives, just because they are a big part of us does not mean that we have to give up the things we would like to do because they don't like it and spend all of our time with them. you have to be your own person before you can truly be part of a couple.
and just to put it out there, i have NEVER cheated on my boyfriend, i know what i have and some random guy at a party/bar/club/or anywhere will be worth messing up my relationship.

 

[jess98765]

from what i see of it, he's just protecting you which has it's pros and cons of course! i guess it's good to know he'll always be there and make you chose the right choices, but you are old enough to make your own choices now and so just sit him down and tell him that. Acknowlge that you think it's awfully sweet of him that he cares so much about your safety but it will be even worse off if you end up mucking up later on when you feel pressured to go clubbing and drinking etc.....
Suggest that he goes with you, even if he doesn't like the initail sound of it, cos at least he'll be there with you. Chose an enviroment (party or bar) that is quite friendly and stuff and it'll be all good, as he'll realise that not all these parties and stuff turn out bad!!

 

[Pink_minx]

Thanks girls...I myself never cheated on my bf and never cheated on anyone that I had relationships with in the past. I know he is being protective of me which I appreciate a lot because I know he cares about me and I love him for that. But I tell him that you cant hide from all that fun because you think something bad will happen or not even that, some guy might hit on me but that can happen anywhere when Im not with him. It can happen at the mall, bookstore, wherever you are in public someone might hit on you. It seems like thats the only thing hes worried about that I might find someone else better, he says. Which hurt my feelings because I will find no one better than him. I guess he does have some low selfesteem issues. But I will have to work that out with him and make sure he knows that hes the only person I want to be with.