Stupid Ex

[Dani]

My ex really makes me feel like shit. I mean he doesn't mean to I guess, but we were together for 7 months, then we broke up and I started seeing someone else who I've been with for over a year now (obviously I made the right choice by leaving him). Anyways, since then he's started smoking pot pretty much every day, drinking (more), smoking, and generally being an all star screw-up. And to take it further, he out right told me it's my fault. I mean ok for the first month or so fine, I guess he can blame me, but it's been over a year! He's had other girlfriends since but things are kinda falling apart for him right now and it's really killing me to know I started this. I'm sorry this is so long, I just don't know if I should suck it up and ignore it or try to do something to help him.

 

[MACATTAK]

I think you should just ignore him. He's your ex for a reason & since you have moved on with your life, he should too. He's trying to make you feel guilty & blame his problems on you, but whatever he does or doesn't do, is not your problem. We also can't make people change, they have to do that for themselves.

 

[hooked*on*mac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK I think you should just ignore him. He's your ex for a reason & since you have moved on with your life, he should too. He's trying to make you feel guilty & blame his problems on you, but whatever he does or doesn't do, is not your problem. We also can't make people change, they have to do that for themselves.

i think we should call them "Y's ('Y the hell did i do that" ) not Ex's..........

tell your X to get over it and go and get some professional help (for the alchohol and drug stuff) because only he can help himself by admiting that he has a problem and is the cause of his problems (not you)

put all of your energy's into the great relationship you have now !!!

 

[NicksWifey]

I agree with the others, he's not your problem anymore. Like someone else mentioned, he's your ex for a reason. It's his fault that he's doing drugs and drinking alcohol a little too much, nobody else's but his own.

Don't let his negativity get you down, just tell him he's not your problem anymore. Hopefully he will make the change and meet someone good for him just like you have met for you.

 

[Aevalin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dani My ex really makes me feel like shit. I mean he doesn't mean to I guess, but we were together for 7 months, then we broke up and I started seeing someone else who I've been with for over a year now (obviously I made the right choice by leaving him). Anyways, since then he's started smoking pot pretty much every day, drinking (more), smoking, and generally being an all star screw-up. And to take it further, he out right told me it's my fault. I mean ok for the first month or so fine, I guess he can blame me, but it's been over a year! He's had other girlfriends since but things are kinda falling apart for him right now and it's really killing me to know I started this. I'm sorry this is so long, I just don't know if I should suck it up and ignore it or try to do something to help him.

You didn't start anything. He's choosing to smoke, he's choosing to drink. You didn't put a gun to his head. He needs to accept responsibility for his actions and act like an adult. You're not responsible for his self-destructive nature.

 

[kaliraksha]

First off, you didn't make him make any of those choices. If he was well adjusted he could have handled it better. Also, I'm sure he is enjoying a huge part of what he's doing so don't feel too terrible. That's what keeps him hooked that he can't face reality and find happiness without the drugs or drinking. Every person is accountable for their own happiness. As much as that's about him it's also about you. Don't let his whining bring you down.

As a friend (if you still consider him one to you) you can be concerned for him and let him know "I'm worried about you. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm here to talk as long as it's not about "us" and I think you should get professional help. " Just leave that door open for communication then stop worrying about it. He is doing this to himself. But until you can guys can be objective as friends and not just a result of a relationship then you can't truly help each other (if this is what you want). I feel he is asking for help in someways if he is complaining about him "being this way". Obviously "this way" is not what he wants to be, but it can't be your problem.

For me it all seems dramatic. It's a guilt trip thing and you need to separate yourself from this and realize it has nothing to do with you.