Suicidal thoughts & depression

[belldandy13]

Suicidal thoughts & depression - what you are feeling is very common...a lot of people undergo those feelings at some point in their lives. I felt so badly at times that I actually hurt myself on many occasions. I would call the local help line and it really really did help to have someone non-judgmental just listen.

Please find someone you can talk to and listen to you without criticizing. Having supportive people within reach is so important. And if you feel that it's still too much, tell your doctor and try to get some medical help. I did for a while and it really did help. But find someone you feel comfortable with, don't just settle for the first doctor/psychiatrist you see if you don't like them - don't give up!

::lease read my story:::

What really helped me is when my younger brother passed away at 20 years old (6 days before his 21st birthday). It was 7 years ago now.

Long story short, after a long battle with drug addiction, he was extremely sick and hospitalized (suffering from schizophrenia), but somehow checked himself out. The next day my older brother called me at work and told me that my younger brother had passed away - his body was found at the base of a crane at a construction site.

I will never know if he meant to do it, but I learned so so much from him. He was always so care-free and knew how to enjoy life. We were all so important to him and he let us know that by wanting to spend quality time with us whenever he could.

The guilt, horror, sadness, everything I felt after his death consumed me. It was sooooooooooooo hard...I saw a psychiatrist again (which didn't help cuz he was horrible - he clipped his fingernails while I poured my heart out to him, and I told him I knew my brother was in a better place to which he replied, "You really believe that?!?!?!" Freakin a-hole. Anyway).

I would never even think of putting my family through that again. I could never take my own life knowing what I had gone through with my brother. It hurts so much that I don't know what happened exactly and what his mindset was, but I do know he is in a better place. This may sound really weird but he lets me know in my dreams. Whenever I dreamt about him I always asked him if he was okay - if he was happy. He always told me that he was fine until finally, he got annoyed with me asking and said, "I told you I'm fine! I'm just waiting for you guys!" God I love & miss him so much...

Anyhoo when you do get these thoughts, think about your family & loved ones. Think about how they would feel if you ever did anything to hurt yourself. I always do. If sometimes I can't live for me, I'll live for them.

Hope this helps!

 

[frocher]

......

 

[nunu]

thanks for sharing your story. freinds and family is what always stops me when i think of suicide (which has been often the past few months). a relative recently passed away and i saw how my family were really shocked and sad by it. so i always ask myself how horrible it would have been to my family and friends IF my last suicide attempt was succesful? i thought of how i would leave everyone down especially my precious nephews who i can't live without. My family doesn't know about it, actually no one does because i don't want to bother people with my issues.
I feel it's an act of cowardice (sp?) but when you are clinically depressed you don't really think. I was in a deep whole from january 2007-july, but i have learnt a lot since my relative's death in august. no matter how dark that whole is things do get better sooner or later (i hope). I guess its a good thing that i started university again and thats because i study psychology which is really helping me in a lot of ways.
thank you again and take care of yourself

 

[Sprout]

I'm so sorry. My brother also has schizophrenia, and I have a brother and a sister addicted to drugs, so I understand the drama with those issues. But, they're all still around. I worry often about my one sister, who is also bipolar, and take it one day at a time with her.

A friend's wife committed suicide when he divorced her and that rocked everyone in the family They say that it takes 2 generations to overcome someone's suicide. It bothers me that people say that suicidal people are attention whores or that they're selfish. They're hurting and sick and need help and compassion. If I were in their shoes, that is what I would be seeking.

I am so sorry about your brother, whether it was intentional or not. But, I am glad that you are dealing with it okay and that he's visiting you in your dreams. I actually heard that our loved ones spirits communicate with us this way, because it's less frightening than just appearing before us. So I am glad he communicates with you this way. I'm sure that has helped you deal with it.

Stay strong.

 

[MACATTAK]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, but want to thank you for sharing something so personal with us.

 

[ShirleyK]

Thank you so much belldandy13,

for sharing your personal matter to us.... and I'm sorry for what had had happened...

But I'll remember what you said "always remember the loved one before we do anything silly"

Thank you...