knoxydoll
Well-known member
The question :
What would you do in a situation where an old friend with whom you had a falling out is in a really bad relationship. How do you help her out of it when you don't speak at all anymore?
NOTE : This is going to be a long post, there will be cliffs at the end maybe?
The history between us :
There's this girl I used to be very good friend's, Jaime, with that 2 years ago I had a big falling out with because of her boyfriend. I've known her since 1997/98 and we went through middle and high school together. The reason why we had the falling out was because she changed drasticly when seeing her current boyfriend. Changed her values and the way she treated people, so we just stopped talking. She's still 'friends' (I say that loosely and I'll explain why further down) with two of my girlfriends, Karly and Jenn.
NOTE : Everything I hear about her now is pretty much second hand from Karly and Jenn. However I know they wouldn't change her words to make her seem worse in my eyes.
Background on Jaime :
Growing up Jaime was a hottie (she still is), I mean it. She was very confident, very proud of who she was. She dressed very slutty (lots of clevage, lots of short everything, lots of tight), even though she was very conservative when it came to sex, and sexual contact. She just felt pretty dressing that way. She was very popular, and a really good and nice person. She loved pink and white, all shades and everywhere. She once wanted 6 kids... 5 boys, 1 girl. She wants to be a Kindergarten teacher, or low grade school teacher. She's in Uni right now taking some bullshit course that will do her no good.
The summer of grade 11 she started hanging out with some different people boys then who we used to. No big deal we knew most these guys and were friends from grade school; but she wouldn't hang out with her old guy friends anymore, forcing her friends to have out with the new guy friends (this included me). This was okay, weird but okay. Jaime started seeing Sacha during our last year. She fell in 'love'. I still don't believe it's true love but that's just my opinion. I don't really like Sacha, something about him bugs me, and I finally see what it is.
Slowly Sacha started becoming more controlling and weird just in general. He's very insecure and is a lot like his dad. His father was abusive to his mother and very, very controlling. Sacha is pretty much the male succubus, lol. Jaime essentially stopped seeing all of her friends, and getting mad at us because we didn't want Sacha to come to girls nights and stuff like that. This made our relationship worse.
So present time :
Jaime and Sacha are still together. Last summer they bought a cat, together. They don't live together, yet the cat is theirs together. I see so many problems with that but whatever, it's not that important. She told her mother that it was either the cat or a child; she was 18 at the time. At one point she became very dominant over Sacha and things seemed to be getting better, she was returning back to normal. But alas, that didn't happen.
She has made a complete 180 from her self. She thinks she's ugly; She thinks she's fat; She thinks she will never be able to get anyone else; She's become a vegetarian because Sacha is by religion; She's become an uber (ignorant) health freak, but not the healthy way... if that makes any sense; She has very few 'friends'; She won't go anywhere other than work and school without Sacha. He has full control over what she wears and eats. We know he has verbally abused her, and emotionally for sure. We don't know if he has ever physically abused her, but I wouldn't put it past him.
Jaime is 5'4'', weighs probably under 100lbs. She's gorgeous, perfect, pale skin, dark hair, full lips. She can get any man she wants, she has great sex appeal and knew how to use it. She's not a healthy veg; it scares me when I think back to one of my birthday dinners. We went for stirfry, she had 9$ worth of chicken, and that was it. Now she won't touch fast food, or meat of any kind. She won't drink or eat anything that has been in plastic. She doesn't eat cooked vegetables. She essentially doesn't eat. That scares me. She won't go out with us when we go dancing (something she used to love) because Sacha won't come with us, and he won't let her go alone because he's scared she'll cheat on him. She wouldn't but he's stupid. She now wears dark colours (brown, black, navy, grey) and is completely covered. No chance of seeing any skin. It's all loose fitting.
She lost herself.
Karly and Jenn have confronted her about it slightly but she didn't believe them.
This is what is most weird. I feel bad for her and I want to help her get out of this. I want her to realize how bad he is for her. But we don't speak. I see her now and then when we're both at Karly and Jenn's. But Sacha comes with so we can never really confront her about this.
The question again : How do I help her?
CLIFFS : An old friend with whom I've had a falling out is in a really bad relationship and doesn't believe us when we tell her it is. She needs out before it get physically abusive, I'm worried for her.
I hope that wasn't too confusing if it was just ask a question and I'll try to answer better.
What would you do in a situation where an old friend with whom you had a falling out is in a really bad relationship. How do you help her out of it when you don't speak at all anymore?
NOTE : This is going to be a long post, there will be cliffs at the end maybe?
The history between us :
There's this girl I used to be very good friend's, Jaime, with that 2 years ago I had a big falling out with because of her boyfriend. I've known her since 1997/98 and we went through middle and high school together. The reason why we had the falling out was because she changed drasticly when seeing her current boyfriend. Changed her values and the way she treated people, so we just stopped talking. She's still 'friends' (I say that loosely and I'll explain why further down) with two of my girlfriends, Karly and Jenn.
NOTE : Everything I hear about her now is pretty much second hand from Karly and Jenn. However I know they wouldn't change her words to make her seem worse in my eyes.
Background on Jaime :
Growing up Jaime was a hottie (she still is), I mean it. She was very confident, very proud of who she was. She dressed very slutty (lots of clevage, lots of short everything, lots of tight), even though she was very conservative when it came to sex, and sexual contact. She just felt pretty dressing that way. She was very popular, and a really good and nice person. She loved pink and white, all shades and everywhere. She once wanted 6 kids... 5 boys, 1 girl. She wants to be a Kindergarten teacher, or low grade school teacher. She's in Uni right now taking some bullshit course that will do her no good.
The summer of grade 11 she started hanging out with some different people boys then who we used to. No big deal we knew most these guys and were friends from grade school; but she wouldn't hang out with her old guy friends anymore, forcing her friends to have out with the new guy friends (this included me). This was okay, weird but okay. Jaime started seeing Sacha during our last year. She fell in 'love'. I still don't believe it's true love but that's just my opinion. I don't really like Sacha, something about him bugs me, and I finally see what it is.
Slowly Sacha started becoming more controlling and weird just in general. He's very insecure and is a lot like his dad. His father was abusive to his mother and very, very controlling. Sacha is pretty much the male succubus, lol. Jaime essentially stopped seeing all of her friends, and getting mad at us because we didn't want Sacha to come to girls nights and stuff like that. This made our relationship worse.
So present time :
Jaime and Sacha are still together. Last summer they bought a cat, together. They don't live together, yet the cat is theirs together. I see so many problems with that but whatever, it's not that important. She told her mother that it was either the cat or a child; she was 18 at the time. At one point she became very dominant over Sacha and things seemed to be getting better, she was returning back to normal. But alas, that didn't happen.
She has made a complete 180 from her self. She thinks she's ugly; She thinks she's fat; She thinks she will never be able to get anyone else; She's become a vegetarian because Sacha is by religion; She's become an uber (ignorant) health freak, but not the healthy way... if that makes any sense; She has very few 'friends'; She won't go anywhere other than work and school without Sacha. He has full control over what she wears and eats. We know he has verbally abused her, and emotionally for sure. We don't know if he has ever physically abused her, but I wouldn't put it past him.
Jaime is 5'4'', weighs probably under 100lbs. She's gorgeous, perfect, pale skin, dark hair, full lips. She can get any man she wants, she has great sex appeal and knew how to use it. She's not a healthy veg; it scares me when I think back to one of my birthday dinners. We went for stirfry, she had 9$ worth of chicken, and that was it. Now she won't touch fast food, or meat of any kind. She won't drink or eat anything that has been in plastic. She doesn't eat cooked vegetables. She essentially doesn't eat. That scares me. She won't go out with us when we go dancing (something she used to love) because Sacha won't come with us, and he won't let her go alone because he's scared she'll cheat on him. She wouldn't but he's stupid. She now wears dark colours (brown, black, navy, grey) and is completely covered. No chance of seeing any skin. It's all loose fitting.
She lost herself.
Karly and Jenn have confronted her about it slightly but she didn't believe them.
This is what is most weird. I feel bad for her and I want to help her get out of this. I want her to realize how bad he is for her. But we don't speak. I see her now and then when we're both at Karly and Jenn's. But Sacha comes with so we can never really confront her about this.
The question again : How do I help her?
CLIFFS : An old friend with whom I've had a falling out is in a really bad relationship and doesn't believe us when we tell her it is. She needs out before it get physically abusive, I'm worried for her.
I hope that wasn't too confusing if it was just ask a question and I'll try to answer better.
