Ugh, my friends are being so rude
- Thread starter ette
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pumpkincat210
Well-known member
Are you happy overall hanging out with them? I mean, if they aren't bringing anything to the table except insults that you obviously are taking seriously why are you still their friends? They may just be joking.. and if you are self conscious about being pale, why don't you try a self tanner? ...oh and noone really cares if there is a pale person at the pool.. everybody is a little self conscious at first, but it is something you can get used to.
kimmy
Well-known member
if they're talking smack about being thin and pale, throw them my digits. i'll straighten them out real quick. nothing bothers me more than people being picked on for being thin and pale. because if you think about it, it's just like calling someone "fat" or being racist...same exact thing. i'm pale because winter's just getting done with and i'm TINY...like 5'7" and 90lbs. i don't have beef though. yeah, i'd like to be a bit beefier and have a nice tan, but i don't so it's all good. but man, i'll tell you one thing...you ever wanna say something about either one to my face, you better be prepared to turn around and book it.
i strayed WAY off topic there haha, i digress!
but anyways, i know what you're dealing with, coming out of depression and being self conscious. i had serious depression problems during my freshman year, SERIOUS. i'm now a senior about to graduate and i'm still very self conscious...the depression had THAT much of an affect on me. and i know the kind of people you're dealing with as well.
the girl who was supposedly my best friend throughout high school was very verbally abusive (she used to make snide remarks about my colour and my thin build) it pissed me off so bad, but i didn't want to make waves because i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find anyone else to be friends with...but one day, it just got to be too much. i started falling back into those depression modes and i couldn't handle it again.
so basically, all i knew to do was to quit talking to her and ease myself into making other friends, and becoming closer with the other friends i already have.
and honestly, i couldn't be happier. her and i RARELY talk, and when we do, she doesn't pick on me or cut me down at all. you know why? because when i got other friends, she couldn't. because everyone else realized what she put me through. so pretty much, karma bit her in the ass.
hope that helps some. and stay up, kid. things will get better
and just know that we're always here for you!
i strayed WAY off topic there haha, i digress!
but anyways, i know what you're dealing with, coming out of depression and being self conscious. i had serious depression problems during my freshman year, SERIOUS. i'm now a senior about to graduate and i'm still very self conscious...the depression had THAT much of an affect on me. and i know the kind of people you're dealing with as well.
the girl who was supposedly my best friend throughout high school was very verbally abusive (she used to make snide remarks about my colour and my thin build) it pissed me off so bad, but i didn't want to make waves because i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find anyone else to be friends with...but one day, it just got to be too much. i started falling back into those depression modes and i couldn't handle it again.
so basically, all i knew to do was to quit talking to her and ease myself into making other friends, and becoming closer with the other friends i already have.
and honestly, i couldn't be happier. her and i RARELY talk, and when we do, she doesn't pick on me or cut me down at all. you know why? because when i got other friends, she couldn't. because everyone else realized what she put me through. so pretty much, karma bit her in the ass.
hope that helps some. and stay up, kid. things will get better
mspixieears
Well-known member
Christ, this is what gives females a bad name, behaviour like that
What the hell kind of friends do things to upset their friends? I had a similar situation as you when I was in high school and sadly, it took me a super-long time to realise that being forgiving about some people like this just doesn't work.
I wouldn't necessarily say dump them, but when it comes to the conversation steering towards bikinis or going out swimming, I'd just leave and if they ask why, I'd be honest and say because they make me feel like shit when they talk about that stuff.
Especially if you've been depressed hon, you DESERVE to hang with people who will respect you and like you regardless of how pale you are or what you wear to go swimming.
Some people suck, I'm sorry hon
What the hell kind of friends do things to upset their friends? I had a similar situation as you when I was in high school and sadly, it took me a super-long time to realise that being forgiving about some people like this just doesn't work.
I wouldn't necessarily say dump them, but when it comes to the conversation steering towards bikinis or going out swimming, I'd just leave and if they ask why, I'd be honest and say because they make me feel like shit when they talk about that stuff.
Especially if you've been depressed hon, you DESERVE to hang with people who will respect you and like you regardless of how pale you are or what you wear to go swimming.
Some people suck, I'm sorry hon
ette
Well-known member
Thanks girls.
The thing is, I don't even think they know what they are saying. They are the type of people who sometimes come off as immature because they say whatever is on their mind without thinking about if it is hurtful/rude first.
And the biggest problem is, one is an EXTREME control freak and in so many of my classes, so that I know I'd never see the end of that...its like I'm stuck with it.
They have no idea they hurt my feelings either! One called about 739738 times yesterday, and I didn't return her calls.
The thing is, I don't even think they know what they are saying. They are the type of people who sometimes come off as immature because they say whatever is on their mind without thinking about if it is hurtful/rude first.
And the biggest problem is, one is an EXTREME control freak and in so many of my classes, so that I know I'd never see the end of that...its like I'm stuck with it.
They have no idea they hurt my feelings either! One called about 739738 times yesterday, and I didn't return her calls.
mspixieears
Well-known member
If they don't realise they're hurting your feelings, you have to tell them, you've got to make it really clear. You might want to start by saying "I know you guys think it's funny when you give me crap for X, Y and Z but it really hurts me."
You might also want to say something like how would they feel if you bugged them about something that is a bit of a sore spot with them (like you have the hugest arse, or you have the intelligence of a 4 year-old etc.) and then ask them how they like it!
Would you believe I used to get bullied by a so-called friend who was the fattest thing ever and she would give me so much crap about my appearance. I'd hate to think of anyone being as wimpy as me and not standing up for themselves.
I'm not saying hit them where it hurts, but get them to *imagine* what it would be like if someone was always doing that. They *may* be more sympathetic; if not...babe, find new friends! You so deserve it! I know it's easier said than done.
You might also want to say something like how would they feel if you bugged them about something that is a bit of a sore spot with them (like you have the hugest arse, or you have the intelligence of a 4 year-old etc.) and then ask them how they like it!
Would you believe I used to get bullied by a so-called friend who was the fattest thing ever and she would give me so much crap about my appearance. I'd hate to think of anyone being as wimpy as me and not standing up for themselves.
I'm not saying hit them where it hurts, but get them to *imagine* what it would be like if someone was always doing that. They *may* be more sympathetic; if not...babe, find new friends! You so deserve it! I know it's easier said than done.
Shimmer
Well-known member
Quote:
It sounds like you're beating other people down, whether they're present or not to make yourself feel better.
It also sounds like you've got some pretty toxic friends.
Perhaps find something that edifies you and makes you like yourself, and then find people who make a positive contribution to your life...because where you're at right now isn't going to help. :/
| Originally Posted by ette Well that didn't upset me at all but I was just like WTF? Later, we always talk about people, you know, and I am pretty critical. Okay, I'm REALLY critical. But not meanly, but I always find a flaw or two inpeople. I try to stop, but I don't know its just the way I am. All my other friends find it funny, they know that I'm not really like going to be like thta to their face or w/e, so its cool. But they keep telling me, OVER AND OVER that I'm so critical. I try to be sarcastic and be like "thanks?" but then one goes "we're serious". |
It sounds like you're beating other people down, whether they're present or not to make yourself feel better.
It also sounds like you've got some pretty toxic friends.
Perhaps find something that edifies you and makes you like yourself, and then find people who make a positive contribution to your life...because where you're at right now isn't going to help. :/
ette
Well-known member
^I'm not critical in the sense that I'm like "what a bitch!" its more like I just can't find anyone to like 100%, especially guys. They always have something that holds me back, whether its if they wear a certain kind of sneaker or if its the tiniest thing in their personality, I suppose I'm just very picky. I'm not critical about my friends, just mainly about men, food, and clothing. And movies. LOL.
bAbY_cHiCkEn01
Well-known member
Well no offense, but prehaps because you're like that towards other people, your "friends" think its okay to be like that, and its directed at you because either, they're giving you a taste of what it feels like or they're just toxic people... Go find new friends, simple as that, nobody wants to be with people who are nasty, but be warned, as you yourself has said, you're very picky and critical, and you may find it extremely hard to make new friends... so be nice and prehaps try holding your tongue, or make it not sound so critical.
user79
Well-known member
I think there's a few problems going on here. First of all, you don't have a good relationship with YOURSELF and that's probably affecting how others treat you and how you treat them. You're probably not aware of it but if you don't love yourself, who else will? You should get help for your depression, is there a counsellor you can speak to at school? You need help from someone who knows how to deal with your insecurities and your depression.
Second, you need to stop being hyper critical of yourself and of other people. Criticism usually stems from insecurity, and that's maybe why your friends are criticizing you because they think, "well if she can dish it out she can take it back too". Treat others how you want to be treated.
Lastly, if your friends make you uncomfortable, you need to bring it up with them that their treatment makes you sad or angry, and tell them why. If they continue with it after that, well then they arent friends worth keeping.
Wish you all the best!
Second, you need to stop being hyper critical of yourself and of other people. Criticism usually stems from insecurity, and that's maybe why your friends are criticizing you because they think, "well if she can dish it out she can take it back too". Treat others how you want to be treated.
Lastly, if your friends make you uncomfortable, you need to bring it up with them that their treatment makes you sad or angry, and tell them why. If they continue with it after that, well then they arent friends worth keeping.
Wish you all the best!
Willa
Well-known member
Quote:
You know...
I'm 25 now, and I used (and still does) to be really critical about others until I realized about myself what MissChievous just mentionned, acting like that around people creates a wall, a non ending/climbing wall
Its hard for people to understand how we feel if we dont tell them.
I used to do that because I was afraid that people would enter in my life to quickly, without giving me the time to get use to them. And also because I was often rejected (without understanding that it was also my fault sometimes...)
2 years ago, I decided that I needed time for myself, time to begin to understand and find who I am. I quitted all of my friends (no so real anyway) and I think its the best thing I ever done in my whole life. Still Im critical about people and things, but in a more positive way. And theres a lot of things I still need to work out, but Im proud of what I achieved.
What helped me a lot, is reading, about psychology...
| Originally Posted by ette Yeah, MissChevious I go to a therapist every two weeks, I love her and shes helped me a lot. Hm well I'm just going to back off from them for a while and see what happens. |
You know...
I'm 25 now, and I used (and still does) to be really critical about others until I realized about myself what MissChievous just mentionned, acting like that around people creates a wall, a non ending/climbing wall
Its hard for people to understand how we feel if we dont tell them.
I used to do that because I was afraid that people would enter in my life to quickly, without giving me the time to get use to them. And also because I was often rejected (without understanding that it was also my fault sometimes...)
2 years ago, I decided that I needed time for myself, time to begin to understand and find who I am. I quitted all of my friends (no so real anyway) and I think its the best thing I ever done in my whole life. Still Im critical about people and things, but in a more positive way. And theres a lot of things I still need to work out, but Im proud of what I achieved.
What helped me a lot, is reading, about psychology...
Luxurious
Well-known member
Quote:
i think i'm (a bit) like you. after a few weeks maybe it's over. sometimes friends want to make you worser than you are...you know? i hate it when friends or someone else is rude to me(also when i'm critical about people at street and TV. you could talk to your friends maybe it's better then. you can try it.
| Originally Posted by ette ^I'm not critical in the sense that I'm like "what a bitch!" its more like I just can't find anyone to like 100%, especially guys. They always have something that holds me back, whether its if they wear a certain kind of sneaker or if its the tiniest thing in their personality, I suppose I'm just very picky. I'm not critical about my friends, just mainly about men, food, and clothing. And movies. LOL. |
i think i'm (a bit) like you. after a few weeks maybe it's over. sometimes friends want to make you worser than you are...you know? i hate it when friends or someone else is rude to me(also when i'm critical about people at street and TV. you could talk to your friends maybe it's better then. you can try it.
calliestar
Well-known member
If being around them makes you more unhappy than happy, then it's time to start spending less time with them.
As far as the body image thing, that's something that's ONLY your business. Don't feel pressured to show more of your body than you want to...because when it comes down to it, it's your body, not your friends, and not anyone else's. If you don't want to wear a bikini, then it doesn't matter what you look like...you shouldn't wear one. If they are trying to get you to do something that you are uncomfortable with for wahtever reason, then they are not being friends.
And being pale isn't all bad...when we're older, our skin is goign to be in SO much better shape than the people who spend hours in tanning booths trying to achieve the tan that is so trendy at the moment. (Not trying to knock naturally tan people...I just think people should embrace what they are born with)
As far as the body image thing, that's something that's ONLY your business. Don't feel pressured to show more of your body than you want to...because when it comes down to it, it's your body, not your friends, and not anyone else's. If you don't want to wear a bikini, then it doesn't matter what you look like...you shouldn't wear one. If they are trying to get you to do something that you are uncomfortable with for wahtever reason, then they are not being friends.
And being pale isn't all bad...when we're older, our skin is goign to be in SO much better shape than the people who spend hours in tanning booths trying to achieve the tan that is so trendy at the moment. (Not trying to knock naturally tan people...I just think people should embrace what they are born with)
