euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
So, awhile back I wrote about how my bf is in this huge hole of depression b/c things in his life other than me are not going right and I was starting to get down in the dumps because of his negative reaction to and about everything.
Well, things started to get a little better and then BAM! More shit started happening to him. Last week there was a bad tornado where he lives and he had to pay about $1000 to get the trees moved and cleared away from the house that had been broken and thrown all throughout the yard. Then, he finds out that the student loan people want to take MORE money out of his check. They already take a substantial amount every month and once they take more, he won't be able to live, basically. He won't be able to pay his bills or have any extra to live on. Student loans are killing his salary and since he's a teacher, he already doesn't make much to begin with. He doesn' pay rent right now because the house he lives in belongs to a friend of his and they have been letting him live there. The house was really messed up after Hurrican Katrina, but he made it somewhat decent again. It's really been a blessing to him that he hasn't had to pay rent because of his financial problems.
Well, this weekend he found out he has to move. The house sits on land that belongs to his friend's aunt and she has decided to develop the land and put condos on it so they are going to bulldoze the house in the next few months and he's FREAKING out because he has nowhere to go and he can't afford to pay for rent or buy a house. He's started talking about possibly having to leave the country so that the student loan people can't take anymore of his money, and he expects me to go with him. We aren't married and have been together little over a year. I have a great job that I love and my family here of course. I don't know that I can move halfway across the world when I don't have any guarantee that we'll still be together or even that I'll be able to afford to move. We have talked very seriously about getting married but he doesn't want to until he is financially stable and sure he will be stable. We can't move in together to share bills either because his parents are old fashioned and they wouldn't approve. I am 29 and he's 38 next month. I don't necessarily have a "biological" clock ticking, but I don't want to have to wait years before I can have a family. We both want children, but he's not in any big hurry and I don't want one TOMORROW, but I don't want to be having children when I'm 40 either. Kudos to those great women who do it, but my health is not always the best and I know it's more dangerous the older you get.
I told him that there's got to be something we can get worked out with his student loans and hopefully we can get married in the next year or so. He said he's not in a hurry and he knows we have a good relationship, so that's another reason why he's not in a hurry, but also he just doesn't want to do anything until his finances are straightened out. I totally understand that, but I did tell him that I was worried about having a family. He said there are women all the time that have babies at 40. It's like he doesn't expect we'll be married by then either and he's not worried about it!!! I don't feel like I can wait that long so I don't know what to do. I know there's a real possibility that things WILL get worked out sooner than we think, but what if it doesn't?
I don't know what to do and I don't really want to say anything until I see how things go. I love him very much and I wish I could help him, but I don't make much more than he does and I have bills of my own. It would really hurt him if he knew I was even thinking all this, but should I have to wait just because he's not in a big hurry? It's not just about having kids, it's about being happy with the person you love. The marriage thing doesn't have to happen right away, but because of how his parents are, we even have to pretend we sleep in separate beds when I stay over so they don't think we're having sex, because you shouldn't do that before marriage, right? Ugh.
So obviously there can be no kids without being married and no living together without being married. What do I do?
Well, things started to get a little better and then BAM! More shit started happening to him. Last week there was a bad tornado where he lives and he had to pay about $1000 to get the trees moved and cleared away from the house that had been broken and thrown all throughout the yard. Then, he finds out that the student loan people want to take MORE money out of his check. They already take a substantial amount every month and once they take more, he won't be able to live, basically. He won't be able to pay his bills or have any extra to live on. Student loans are killing his salary and since he's a teacher, he already doesn't make much to begin with. He doesn' pay rent right now because the house he lives in belongs to a friend of his and they have been letting him live there. The house was really messed up after Hurrican Katrina, but he made it somewhat decent again. It's really been a blessing to him that he hasn't had to pay rent because of his financial problems.
Well, this weekend he found out he has to move. The house sits on land that belongs to his friend's aunt and she has decided to develop the land and put condos on it so they are going to bulldoze the house in the next few months and he's FREAKING out because he has nowhere to go and he can't afford to pay for rent or buy a house. He's started talking about possibly having to leave the country so that the student loan people can't take anymore of his money, and he expects me to go with him. We aren't married and have been together little over a year. I have a great job that I love and my family here of course. I don't know that I can move halfway across the world when I don't have any guarantee that we'll still be together or even that I'll be able to afford to move. We have talked very seriously about getting married but he doesn't want to until he is financially stable and sure he will be stable. We can't move in together to share bills either because his parents are old fashioned and they wouldn't approve. I am 29 and he's 38 next month. I don't necessarily have a "biological" clock ticking, but I don't want to have to wait years before I can have a family. We both want children, but he's not in any big hurry and I don't want one TOMORROW, but I don't want to be having children when I'm 40 either. Kudos to those great women who do it, but my health is not always the best and I know it's more dangerous the older you get.
I told him that there's got to be something we can get worked out with his student loans and hopefully we can get married in the next year or so. He said he's not in a hurry and he knows we have a good relationship, so that's another reason why he's not in a hurry, but also he just doesn't want to do anything until his finances are straightened out. I totally understand that, but I did tell him that I was worried about having a family. He said there are women all the time that have babies at 40. It's like he doesn't expect we'll be married by then either and he's not worried about it!!! I don't feel like I can wait that long so I don't know what to do. I know there's a real possibility that things WILL get worked out sooner than we think, but what if it doesn't?
I don't know what to do and I don't really want to say anything until I see how things go. I love him very much and I wish I could help him, but I don't make much more than he does and I have bills of my own. It would really hurt him if he knew I was even thinking all this, but should I have to wait just because he's not in a big hurry? It's not just about having kids, it's about being happy with the person you love. The marriage thing doesn't have to happen right away, but because of how his parents are, we even have to pretend we sleep in separate beds when I stay over so they don't think we're having sex, because you shouldn't do that before marriage, right? Ugh.
So obviously there can be no kids without being married and no living together without being married. What do I do?
