Was I too harsh?

[tokyo_juliet]

I don't usually like asking for other people's opinions and answers, but I feel like I really need to ask some things right now.
I have a little nephew who is 8 years old, and I'm so irritated and angry by what he does. Perhaps he's just being a kid but damn, it gets me so angry sometimes. Today, I wanted to use the computer for a while because my two little nephews were playing games on it all morning. But then my 3-year-old nephew started crying and whining because he knows that if he cries loudly, he'll get what he wants and be able to go on using the computer to play games. He's spoiled and usually gets what he wants when he whines. So I told him that I was only using it for a while to check some things and told him that I was not going to fall for it this time just because he's crying. So then my 8-year-old nephew sees my older brother outside in the driveway and yells at me saying that he was going to tell my brother about what I did. Then as my brother walks into the house, he quickly tells him that I'm yelling and bad-mouthing at my 3-year-old nephew, which I wasn't even doing. Then my brother believes my nephew and didn't even ask me what really happened and just started telling me how bad I am.
So then a few minutes later, I asked my 8-year-old nephew why did he lie to his uncle (my brother) about me bad-mouthing and yelling at my 3-year-old nephew. And he didn't answer. Then I told him that this has happened too many times in similar situations dealing with him too. When he's jumping up and down on the couch, my mom tells him not to do it but he never listens. Then after my mom yells at him, he goes and cries to his own mom telling her how my mom and I were bad-mouthing him. And he doesn't even tell his mom that he was jumping up and down on the couch after he's been told about 10 million times not to do it. He mistakes us disciplining him as yelling at him. So I asked him how come he never tells his mom all the bad things he does and instead always tells his mom that we're to blame for supposedly "yelling" at him. And again, he didn't answer at all and started crying. Now this whole time I was telling him these things, I was not using any cuss words/profanity in any sort of way. I was just explaining these things to him and asking him why he does these kinds of things because it's just not right.

And should I leave him alone on this stuff even if he keeps repeating these things that he's doing? Since I know he'll just cry. I'm not very good in dealing with little kids like these.

Sorry I wrote such a long post, but do any of you think I might be wrong in this?

 

[Esperanza]

Mmmm kids sometimes... I totally understand that you wanted to explain to your nephew that what he was doing wasn' t correct but you know, as he gets all tensed up when you spoke to him, I think it's his parents' duty to have a talk with him. It seems the problem comes from there, an obvious lack of discipline...

I find it difficult to let the children understand what is right or wrong when you're not the mom or the dad, at least when they are pretty young. Why don't you talk to your brother about what was really happening, maybe with the help of your mother (it's always better if you have a support, especially as she has the same problem with your nephew!)?

 

[Beauty Mark]

Excuse my language (and my dislike of bratty kids), but I would've paddled his ass. He's WAY TOO OLD to cry at everything, and your family's behavior (not yours or what you mentioned of your mother's) is enabling him in becoming a spoiled, manipulative, selfish, bratty adult. You were more than reasonable with that child; I would've told him that lying is wrong, people will not put up with that BS when you're an adult, and if you didn't want to be yelled at, act right. You were beyond nice.

I can't believe your family falls for that and doesn't believe that the children are lying. I don't know how you can better the situation, besides maybe secretly video taping your nephews. But I feel for you.

 

[queenofdisaster]

no i think you were completely right. it sounds to me like he has absolutely NO discipline in his life. he is taking advantage of you and your mom and i think you should have a serious talk with his parents.

 

[tokyo_juliet]

Oh my goodness thank you so much everyone!!!!
You have no idea how stressed out I was about this. I thought I was being too mean towards him because he started crying. He ALWAYS cries when people tell him this kind of stuff about HIS own behavior. I feel as if a hundred pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.

I try to be nice about this to him so that's why I don't hit him or anything. I just cannot hit kids no matter how bad they are because I would feel way too bad about it afterwards. I DO yell and scream at them not to do this or that though. And I'm so angered by my nephew that at this point I don't even want to see his face at all anymore or hear his voice.

Both of my nephews have no discipline at all. Their parents don't try to discipline them much. And if they do, my nephews still don't listen. And usually their mom hits them more than she explains things to them when they don't listen.
His mom and I do tell him not to lie, but he still lies. From my point-of-view, it seems like words just go into one ear and out the other. They don't get through to his thick head that he shouldn't do those things.
His mom knows about him being this way already but she doesn't really do anything about it, because he never listens either way. I might sound horrible for saying this, but I just want both of my nephews out of my life. They're so damn loud too! They scream and pound everywhere around the house. Like what my sister says: the only time when they're quiet are when they sleep.

Thanks again girls!

 

[tokyo_juliet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esperanza Mmmm kids sometimes... I totally understand that you wanted to explain to your nephew that what he was doing wasn' t correct but you know, as he gets all tensed up when you spoke to him, I think it's his parents' duty to have a talk with him. It seems the problem comes from there, an obvious lack of discipline... I find it difficult to let the children understand what is right or wrong when you're not the mom or the dad, at least when they are pretty young. Why don't you talk to your brother about what was really happening, maybe with the help of your mother (it's always better if you have a support, especially as she has the same problem with your nephew!)?

Thank you for your advice. I did try to explain it to my brother but I just stopped when he told my 3-year-old nephew to tell me to "f**k off". Then my other brother told my 8-year-old nephew to tell me to "shut up".
They always do this to me so I don't even give a damn anymore about talking things out with my brothers. I'd rather talk to a turtle than talk to them.

 

[Esperanza]

I understand that the situation isn't easy to handle, especially if your own brothers don't agree with you. But unlike them, you have a clear conscience because you've tried to explain your nephew that he had a very bad behaviour. If he still doesn't care, you don't have to make you sick about that, the fault lies with the parents and only with them. You said that the mom use to hit her kids when they don't listen to her: I'm not so surprised of your nephew's behaviour then...

 

[Beauty Mark]

How old is your brother? Seriously, it's one thing to have issues with you on his own, but it's another to involve other people! WTF?! I'm not conservative and have no problems with grown people swearing, but to not only use that kind of language around a child but to tell them to use it?!

From your posts, you seem awesome to have grown up properly and not succomb to their antics.

 

[tokyo_juliet]

My brothers are in their twenties. I've realized that I'm not going to bother explaining things to my nephews anymore. It's frustrating dealing with them. I'm just going to mind my own business from now on.

Thank you again for everything. I always feel better reading all of everyone's posts too.

 

[Hawkeye]

I personally think you did the right thing. I personally would refuse to watch your nephews until their parents did something about the situations. I mean I hate parents who do not dicipline their kids. And the language is repulsive.

I'm sorry the parents are the ones at fault here because they are wanting so desperately to be "Friends" with their kids. "Friends" doesn't do a darn thing for society. It just raises more bratty little kids who do absolutely nothing but whine.

That's what I would do if I were you. Refuse to watch the kids.