Raerae
Well-known member
What His Last Relationship Says About Your Current One
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Mon, Jan 22, 2007, 9:05 am PST Post a Comment
Most guys, if they're smart, spend as much time discussing their previous relationships as kindergarteners spend talking about Congressional elections. Men like to stay mum in part because we tend toward one of two stances when it comes to our exes--bragging, or whining. And neither is particularly attractive to our current squeeze. We're also quite aware of how much better your memory is than ours, and we're afraid that you'll remember every little factoid we divulge and one day, long after we've forgotten it, find a way to use it against us. ("Oh, of course you know how to get whipped cream out of upholstery, because that trashy ho sprayed Reddi-Wip all over your apartment back in '98 ... and there's still some of it in your refrigerator!"). While a woman won't, and shouldn't, know every little detail of a guy's previous relationships, she can learn some important things about her man (and where their relationship is headed) by tuning in to the Relationship History Channel. His program highlights:
If He Says She Was Crazy, It Means ...
He's still harboring intense feelings, and maybe a little guilt. By talking about her excessive stalking/nagging/obsession with Dr. Phil, he may be trying to show you that clearly there was something wrong with her, not him. But by putting her down so vehemently, it could mean he's trying to assuage some personal fear that he was somehow at fault. And even if she was a bunny boiler, the fact is that dysfunctional relationships generally rely on both parties being simultaneously, if not equally, unhinged. It may simply be that he isn't fully ready to concentrate on the present until those extreme feelings simmer down, and recede further into the past.
If He Hopes Her Relationships Fail, It Means ...
His brain's frontal lobes-which control obsessive thinking, worry, and inflexible behavior-are in overdrive. When this happens, the brain begins to work inefficiently, affecting moods and temper, which is how this type of thinking spirals not only into "If I can't have her, no one can," but equally dangerously, "I'll show her by dating somebody (anybody) else." If he wants his ex to fail, and himself to be seen as a winner, he may be exploring a relationship with you out of jealousy or revenge or something else. But subconsciously, he's also hoping that her failure may make her realize the error in dumping him, clearing the way for a reconciliation. In that case, you may be the tool he's using to make himself look more desirable. Sometimes being another person's plaything can be fun--but not if you're looking for a meaningful future.
If He Tells You Details About the Breakup, It Means ...
Under the guise of a story ("she did this, I did that, it didn't work out"), he's trying to offer up his personal product details-specifically, the things that he has adverse reactions to, whether it's not getting enough space, or lovin', or whatever. He'll fess up some of his faults, but he's also sending signals about who he's ultimately compatible with-and, more important, who he's not. Listen closely--he's giving you the instruction manual.
If He Praises Her, It Means ...
It may seem that any guy who compliments his ex to his new girlfriend has a one-way ticket on the train to Not Getting Any Tonight. But as long as he doesn't go on and on about all of his ex's remarkable qualities, his praise may very well be the sign that he's mature enough and ready for your relationship. What you're looking for is something on the order of: "She was and is a wonderful woman, and I wish her well, but we didn't offer each other the things we needed, which is why I'm with someone who does." After all, that's what you expect from a good man-that he's good to women
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You ever read this guys stuff? I click on it when it's on yahoo's frontpage and sometimes he drives me crazy, but I thought this article had a few useful points in it.
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Mon, Jan 22, 2007, 9:05 am PST Post a Comment
Most guys, if they're smart, spend as much time discussing their previous relationships as kindergarteners spend talking about Congressional elections. Men like to stay mum in part because we tend toward one of two stances when it comes to our exes--bragging, or whining. And neither is particularly attractive to our current squeeze. We're also quite aware of how much better your memory is than ours, and we're afraid that you'll remember every little factoid we divulge and one day, long after we've forgotten it, find a way to use it against us. ("Oh, of course you know how to get whipped cream out of upholstery, because that trashy ho sprayed Reddi-Wip all over your apartment back in '98 ... and there's still some of it in your refrigerator!"). While a woman won't, and shouldn't, know every little detail of a guy's previous relationships, she can learn some important things about her man (and where their relationship is headed) by tuning in to the Relationship History Channel. His program highlights:
If He Says She Was Crazy, It Means ...
He's still harboring intense feelings, and maybe a little guilt. By talking about her excessive stalking/nagging/obsession with Dr. Phil, he may be trying to show you that clearly there was something wrong with her, not him. But by putting her down so vehemently, it could mean he's trying to assuage some personal fear that he was somehow at fault. And even if she was a bunny boiler, the fact is that dysfunctional relationships generally rely on both parties being simultaneously, if not equally, unhinged. It may simply be that he isn't fully ready to concentrate on the present until those extreme feelings simmer down, and recede further into the past.
If He Hopes Her Relationships Fail, It Means ...
His brain's frontal lobes-which control obsessive thinking, worry, and inflexible behavior-are in overdrive. When this happens, the brain begins to work inefficiently, affecting moods and temper, which is how this type of thinking spirals not only into "If I can't have her, no one can," but equally dangerously, "I'll show her by dating somebody (anybody) else." If he wants his ex to fail, and himself to be seen as a winner, he may be exploring a relationship with you out of jealousy or revenge or something else. But subconsciously, he's also hoping that her failure may make her realize the error in dumping him, clearing the way for a reconciliation. In that case, you may be the tool he's using to make himself look more desirable. Sometimes being another person's plaything can be fun--but not if you're looking for a meaningful future.
If He Tells You Details About the Breakup, It Means ...
Under the guise of a story ("she did this, I did that, it didn't work out"), he's trying to offer up his personal product details-specifically, the things that he has adverse reactions to, whether it's not getting enough space, or lovin', or whatever. He'll fess up some of his faults, but he's also sending signals about who he's ultimately compatible with-and, more important, who he's not. Listen closely--he's giving you the instruction manual.
If He Praises Her, It Means ...
It may seem that any guy who compliments his ex to his new girlfriend has a one-way ticket on the train to Not Getting Any Tonight. But as long as he doesn't go on and on about all of his ex's remarkable qualities, his praise may very well be the sign that he's mature enough and ready for your relationship. What you're looking for is something on the order of: "She was and is a wonderful woman, and I wish her well, but we didn't offer each other the things we needed, which is why I'm with someone who does." After all, that's what you expect from a good man-that he's good to women
------------------------------------------
You ever read this guys stuff? I click on it when it's on yahoo's frontpage and sometimes he drives me crazy, but I thought this article had a few useful points in it.
