What to make of this???

[circe221]

OK, so here's my situation in brief:

Have been seeing/sleeping with a guy for about 7 weeks now. Started out not knowing if it was a 1-night stand type of thing, as I have known this guy for 3 years and it was kind of weird. Then it moved to whether it was more of a "friends with benefits" situation, after we had seen each other a couple of weeks.

Anyway, we've been together every Saturday night since that first night (only night that coordinates with our work schedules). We call/text during the week. Well Wed. night he texts me "Wanna come over for dinner tomorrow night?" so Thurs. night, I did. He made a romantic dinner with candles, wine, a vegetarian dinner (I don't eat meat). It was so cute! Then he gave me a belated b-day present. The one week we didn't see each other was my b-day and I was really sick. The present was a gift bag with 2 bags of my favorite candy, stuff from Bath & Body works in my favorite scent, Sweet Pea, and a CD with some of my favorite songs (I couldn't believe he actually remembered them some were kind of obscure!).

So...lately when I leave him it has been harder and harder for both of us. Today I had to leave at like 6 AM to go home to get ready for work and he kept saying "I don't want you to go. Stay." He texted me about an hour ago to say he had a good time last night and enjoyed dinner and our talk.

We have never had the "relationship" talk, and we have never expressed feelings for one another. I won't be the first to say it, or bring it up, I'll tell you that. I just won't open myself up that vulnerability. But I am wondering where this leaves us...is this moving to another level beyond just "hanging out" and into relationship territory, or am I just wishfully reading into the situation?

One complicating factor to note: his mom is very sick with a terminal illness and has <6 months to live. He has talked to me about it, and it is tearing him up. I don't want to burden him with any pressure about us, or a relationship during this because it might be too much.

Any thoughts/advice/insight? I was in a long-term relationship for 6 years, so I have forgotten how complicated this "gray" area is...It's so weird because I feel excited/giddy about seeing/talking to him, but nervous and insecure about what he is thinking/feeling. I want this to become a relationship, as I think I really am developing feelings for this guy, I just don't want to rush things.

Thanks, girls, for any support!

 

[prinzessin784]

From what you've said it seems like he's seeing you in more of a serious way now. It definitely seems like he wants to be around you and he enjoys your company, and he put a lot of work into making you a romantic dinner. If he just wanted to be friends with benefits he wouldn't have done all of that or gone through the trouble of remembering your favorite things (that's so sweet!) I think he wants to move past friendship into a relationship with you, definitely. Don't be afraid to bring it up, it will really ease your mind and solidify what you have, which seems like it's really great!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think he's into you but probably is in the same boat as you and doesn't want to risk anything. I say go for it. Even with the stuff with his mother- he might find solace in a relationship.

 

[circe221]

Thanks for the responses girls! It's just that it's been so long since I have been in this situation, and I had forgotten how awkward these early stages are...and I don't want to rush anything or be too forward.

I really think I have feelings for this guy, and that I am falling for him, and that scares me...

I guess I will just take things one day at a time and see how things pan out and let him take the lead on any conversations. I don't know how ready he is for a relationship, and with his mom sick, I know that is taking up a lot of his time and emotions.

Thanks for the responses, girls!

 

[macslut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by circe221 We have never had the "relationship" talk, and we have never expressed feelings for one another. I won't be the first to say it, or bring it up, I'll tell you that. I just won't open myself up that vulnerability. But I am wondering where this leaves us...is this moving to another level beyond just "hanging out" and into relationship territory, or am I just wishfully reading into the situation? One complicating factor to note: his mom is very sick with a terminal illness and has <6 months to live. He has talked to me about it, and it is tearing him up. I don't want to burden him with any pressure about us, or a relationship during this because it might be too much.

1) Maybe a good way to start off the conversation would be to talk about the vunerability issue. Say basically what you just said. It scares you to open yourself up to vunerability.

2) It is his decision to make to whether he wants to open himself to a relationship. Just be ready, it will get realy rough especially towards the end.

Good luck. All of us single girls probably went "awwww" at the romantic dinner. I know I did.

 

[circe221]

Quote:

It is his decision to make to whether he wants to open himself to a relationship. Just be ready, it will get realy rough especially towards the end.

Thanks for the response! What do you mean by "it will get really rough especially towards the end"? Do you mean waiting for him to be the one to make the decision?

I kind of want him to be the one to say something because #1 I know he is going through a lot with his mom right now and a relationship might be the last thing he wants/needs, and #2 I know how I feel about him, and opening myself up to him means that I am opening myself up to rejection, and I don't think I could handle that right now.
I guess either way if he doesn't want a relationship it will come out sooner or later, and if he doesn't, I will be heartbroken...

 

[macslut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by circe221 Thanks for the response! What do you mean by "it will get really rough especially towards the end"? Do you mean waiting for him to be the one to make the decision? I kind of want him to be the one to say something because #1 I know he is going through a lot with his mom right now and a relationship might be the last thing he wants/needs, and #2 I know how I feel about him, and opening myself up to him means that I am opening myself up to rejection, and I don't think I could handle that right now. I guess either way if he doesn't want a relationship it will come out sooner or later, and if he doesn't, I will be heartbroken...

Towards the end when his mother is passing away. You're right, it will come out sooner or later. (And I am sure that all the fab ones here are rooting for sooner.) And you are right, you are opening yourself up for rejection. The only thing that I am concerned about is that you are sleeping with him...are you still sleeping with him? If you are, I think you should talk about a relationship. I see the rejection problem as more severe if he just starts to see someone else and then comes back with "Well it was only sex". Do you see what I am saying? I know you will be heartbroken if it doesn't work out. Lord knows I have been there and done that. But there are ways that you can lessen the time you will be dating Ben and Jerry (if you know what I mean).

 

[kaliraksha]

Well in all honesty, the only real way to know and ease your mind is ask- you don’t have to express your feelings and be vulnerable unless you want to be. You don’t have to pressure him, but I see nothing wrong with asking “where is this going?” “is there a possibility this can be more?” just to clarify for both of you. This is if you truly want to know, if you are okay with not knowing for certain then just enjoy it for what it is without expectation and you may be pleasantly surprised.

[FONT=&quot]From the sounds of it, you guys sound into each other- sometimes one night stands or friends with benefits work out just perfectly. I think you should just open the line of communication as friends, especially since you’ve been friends for 3 years. [/FONT]

 

[saniyairshad]

To me this seems like he likes you too. My best friend is married to the guy she slept with five years ago and it was so hard for ehr to get out of that rut, but right now in my opinion, would not be a good time to talk about urs and his relationship I would think that u should wait a bit and then bring it up. For now try to be there for him as much as u can because he needs someone he can depend on, and befre yall slept together yall were good friends. It's amazing to be friends with someone and then end up beign with them