When phobia gets in way of life

[Chikky]

I know I've written before about my emetophobia. This is the fear of ... well, being physically ill. I know it's bad, how bad I have it. It's every day, my fear.

But that's not what I'm writing about.

I'm sad, because my SO is sick now... We went to a concert yesterday and on the way he mentioned that he'd been feeling ill ALL DAY. I mean, that totally ruined my night. I canNOT be near it, or anything like it. I feel awful that he's apparently sick (though he ate last night, every time he ate today he said it 'reacted badly'). We don't live together, by the way.

But, as much as I care for him... as much as that, I cannot be near him. I can't help him. I can't comfort him. My heart is racing right now after only talking to him via IM about it. That sort of makes me sad. I can never marry anyone, because I would hate them if they got me or anyone in my family sick, and I can't be supportive if they are. Colds and the like are no problem, it's only stomach things that I really cannot handle.

The worst part is, we usually watch TV together on Thursdays and how can I back out?? I don't want to sound crazy and don't want him to not want to be around me because of my fear. But I know he'll want me to come up tomorrow, and I am freaking out.

And now I'm worried that I brought it home from being with him yesterday.

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

I'm sorry your going through this

Have you seen professional help for this? Just remember that through therapy or alternative medicine this is a controllable thing. Don't stop fighting for what you want, life is too short girl. I hope that one day you to learn to control you fear, or at least find a healthy way to live with it.

When you start panicing, just remember to relax, take deep breaths, do something to take your mind off of it, and relax... There is nothing to worry about.

There are tons of support threads on emetophobia, i think its a very very common phobia. International Emetophobia Society - Home

 

[Chikky]

Thanks.

Unfortunately, I have zero money to go see someone, and there's no free things near me. (I live in a seriously small town.) But I have gone to different forums about this... Unfortunately, reading the stuff there makes me panic (I cant even read about it) and feel horrible.

And I'm just sad. My guy is so supportive of me with my health issues. He's there every step of the way through everything, and I can't be there for him for something small... I'm a bad person. I don't want him to feel bad because I make excuses not to be there with him, and him feel like I don't support HIM.

Who wants to marry someone who can't deal with 'in sickness or in health'?

 

[banjobama]

What state do you live in? I didn't check when I was first reading your thread. In Washington where I used to live you could buy this state-run health insurance for like $30 a month, or however much you could afford to pay based on their sliding scale. Try to look into that for your state, it might be hard to dig up but I bet it is there. Then get yourself to a psychiatrist! I bet only a couple visits would do you a lot of good, and you could at least learn some coping techniques.

 

[Frae]

Phobias tend to respond pretty well to cognitive behavioral therapy from a counselor of some kind. There are books on it as well, and that might be an option through your local library. I'm guessing your small town has one? If not, maybe a book swap site or even half.com for very cheap. I can't think of a title to recommend right now, but talking about it is certainly a good way to start. Most of the treatments involve desensitizing the person to what they fear. I know it sounds incredibly tough, but through very small steps it really can be accomplished. Good luck and please try to refrain from listing things you think you'll never have because of this (this doesn't define you). That sets you up for more self-degrading behavior, which may trigger your phobia worse.

 

[Chikky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frae There are books on it as well, and that might be an option through your local library. I'm guessing your small town has one?

Unfortunately, no. It closed years ago... I miss it.

Most of the treatments involve desensitizing the person to what they fear. I know it sounds incredibly tough, but through very small steps it really can be accomplished.

This worries me. Because the more I AM around it, the worse I feel about it. I mean, the more panicked I get. I worked at a school and everything, and it just got worse every time I was near it.

Maybe I'll try a book... But I just don't want him to think I'm crazy or that I don't care about him, while he is endlessly supportive of me.