Will Daddy Be Okay?

[chocolategoddes]

Over two weeks ago, my dad was involved in a fatal car wreck were a motorcyclist was hit by a drunk driver and was sent flying into my dad's car. The night it happened my dad was left hyscally unharmed yet he was in a strange mental state. He's not one to show emotion but he seemed extremely sad, thankful, and angry. It was really hard on me as well. I kept thinking about all these what if situations. What if he drove his smaller car? what if the man was sent in through the windsheild... potentially killing my father. I mean, right now, my dad could be dead. wow. Everytime we drive past the site he says, "Hi Doug" (name of the dude who was killed). Will my dad ever get over this? It's been difficult for him but I wanthim to be happy again so my family ca be happy again.

sorry if i wasted your time by writing this out. I just felt people could share their experience and give advice, y'know?

<3 kens

 

[MACATTAK]

 

[SparklingWaves]

There really is no right or wrong way to go through something as tragic as this. When a tragedy happens, people go through the gambit of emotions and thoughts.

Your father may have some guilt, just because the man was thrown into his vehicle. No, it was not his fault in any shape or form. But, he may still have some feeling of it. He will have anger towards the man that was drunk. He may feel thankful that he didn't get killed. He may be grieving for the man that died. From what you are telling me, this is what I think your father is feeling.

He may be replaying that incident over and over again in his mind and analyzing each part of the scene. His mind is trying to make sense of this tragedy.

Right now, it sounds like he is handling this in a normal way. He will grieve over this incident. Grieving is totally individual. There is no way to rush it or stop it. There is shock, anger, sadness, and denial in grieving and it doesn't go in a linear fashion.

Your father may not realize it right now, but he was actually a victim of this tragedy too. He didn't ask to be apart of a death scene of another human being out of no where.


By him saying hello to the man that died, he is giving that man an identity. He connects with that man on a level that they were joined by this accident. He isn't just some nameless stranger that died.

Your father sounds very intelligent and very caring and so do you.

 

[kimmy]

seeing somebody die can be extremely tough for some people.

it all depends on the person and there really is no way to tell if they'll ever be the same again. luckily, he's thankful...that shows that he is still at least of sound mind.

all you can do is give it time, and be there if he ever needs to talk. i wish you the best.

 

[lipstickandhate]

You have every right to feel anxious and nervous about what could have happened. Sometimes it takes big events for us to realize how fragile we all actually are. Your father sounds like he is just thinking a lot and I think everything both he and you are feeling is totally normal in a situation like this. I certainly know that I would be feeling the same way.

I'm sure you're a huge comfort to your father. Sometimes all we can do for people is to listen when they need to talk

 

[wolfsong]

Dealing with something as harrowing as that will obviously result in some form of post traumatic shock, and bring up a jumble of emotions that your father is probably not close to working through. It may help if he seeks some form of counselling - grievance maybe? Just to help him deal with what happened and how it made him feel. Only when he does that will he be able to fully move on.

 

[Shimmer]

I agree with the suggestion of getting counseling. PTSD may be a part of this, and it would be beneficial to seek professional guidance, I think.

 

[Hilly]

Hugs!

 

[frocher]

It will take some time for him to sort out his feelings.

 

[BinkysBaby]

Who knows if/when he'll be okay.
You and your family need to support him and not rush him to heal.
I would suggest seeing a therapist because he could suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
You and your family will be in my thoughts.

 

[PRETTYGIRL26]

i'M SORRY TO HEAR THIS, BUT RIGHT NOW YOUR DAD IS IN A DARK PLACE CALLED GUILT, AND GUILT'S NEIGHBOR SORROW. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM IS BE THERE, DON'T RUSH ANYTHING... JUST BE THERE.

 

[dizzygoo82]

Wow that is a rough situation. When something like that happens, you can't help but imagine "what if". But thoughts of relief are mostly going to be coming in your head too because your dad is ok physically. But unfortunately mentally it will take awhile...It only happened two weeks ago. since you said he doesn't show emotion well and he's a guy he may not want to go speak to a counseler which is ok, he'll just have to deal with it in his own way.
Just be there for him and love him..that's all you can do

 

[CaraAmericana]

Hi Chocolategoddes, How is your father doing now? I hope he is doing well.

 

[bebs]

well first of all I hope your dad is doing somewhat better at this point

but what needs to be remembered is.. even if you didn't know the person and interact with them, it is still a human life that has ended.. they have a family, friends and people that love them and a part of you knows that and it mourns for them and the loss of that person.

he may feel guilty that he couldn't do anything to help. what if's maybe running though his mind. he also could be thankful for his life now more then ever. death effects everybody differently no matter how remote or in your face it is.

and if it is making you feel weird about it, sit down and talk to him about it. just bring it up and ask him what he is feeling if you are questioning it. he might need somebody to talk to.

 

[chocolategoddes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaraAmericana Hi Chocolategoddes, How is your father doing now? I hope he is doing well.

Thank you. He's doing quite well now. I'm sure he hasn't "gotten over it" and he still discusses it. He has a new car now since the other was pretty much destroyed. We all still support him through his experience.

Except, the man who was drunk was a Mexican illegal immigrant so I think my dad (and my mom) have a small prejudice. When they talk about the incident they always semm to point out the fact that he was Hispanic. That kind of bothers me.

 

[puncturedskirt]

I'm sorry to hear that, but i'm sure it'll take some time for your dad to deal/get over it.