Would you be upset?

[NicksWifey]

If your fiance/husband/boyfriend, whatever, had an ex that they dated for a long period of time (in my fiance's case, nearly 4 years) and that ex recently started working with your significant other?
To make a long story short without going into a ton of detail, my fiance used to date this shiesty ass bitch back in the day who cheated on him with quite a few dudes. They were each others first loves, first everything, if you catch my drift. And then they broke up and haven't been together since 2005. Sooo, she moved to Georgia and now she's just recently moved back to Virginia and just HAD to get a fucking job working with my man at his weekend job. There's just something about this situation I don't trust. You know, maybe I don't trust my man, when he tells me "I was with the bitch for nearly 4 years, she will always have a piece of my heart and I will always have a piece of hers." GAG. Sorry, but I just don't see it and I just want to punch this bitch in the face. I mean honestly, it bothers the living shit out of me on Friday nights when they work together that I have to sit there and think about what's going on. I'm a very insecure person and always have been and that's something I guess I'll need to work on. I have never met her and hope I never do. There are plenty of jobs out there, why can't she roll her shiesty ass elsewhere? It just makes me feel like she wants to fuck up what we have.

 

[SkylarV217]

I would be upset about the situation but i think what i would be most upset about is that your fiance doesn't seem to take your feelings into account when it comes to other women, ( based upon this and other posts). Thats always cause for a little uneasiness. You are his future wife. He should be more concerned with you and your feelings and how he treats/ makes you feel than ANY other women ( including his mom).... I think you need to sit down and tell him how you honestly feel about ALL of the situations you've encountered with him. He loves and wants to marry you , he should respect your opinion about things regarding other women, if he doesn't i doubt it will get any better after you get married. You know the situation would be different if he was upset about you and other guys and thats simply not fair.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope things get better, You deserve the best!

PS - I think the " I was with the bitch for 4 years" line is a load of crap. I was with a particular guy for three years... He treated me badly and he was my first love or whatever.... then i realized he was a piece of crap and I no longer have "piece of my heart" feelings for him...

 

[NicksWifey]

Thank you Skylar, I couldn't agree more.
I'm very insecure when it comes to other women. Not to sound conceited, but yes, I do think I'm a pretty girl, there are days when I feel average and days when I feel pretty. Not meaning that to sound like a snob

Anyway, everytime her name is mentioned I get insecure. She's extremely toothpick skinny (no offense!) and I have serious ass curves going on. Nick has a thing for curly hair and hers is naturally curly. Everytime I've worn my hair curly (which it is naturally, but it takes some work), I always feel like he misses her hair. Oh god I must sound like a complete moron. I just get so damned uneasy/queasy/insecure when it comes to this bitch.

I guess what this boils down to...is how much do I trust him? I know he would never do anything to hurt me, he has told me that many times and he could never cheat/hurt someone he loves BUT I just have that unsure gray spot in the back of mind that causes me to think otherwise. Like what if she tried to put a move on him or something? I would expect him to knock her ass out but I just don't know and that's what's killing me.

 

[SkylarV217]

i hate that you feel that way, you are a beautiful girl and should have no doubt in your mind about other women and your man... I would really try to talk to him about... I don't think anything else will make the situation any better. If he refuses to see your points or be understanding, you may have some big problems you need to work on ... I hope that he is understanding though

 

[kimmy]

brittney, you know i think you're wonderful...so please don't take this the wrong way.

if you've never met her, i don't think it's really fair to hate her so much. i understand that you hate what she did to nick and i know how you feel about the two of them seeing each other regularly again. that situation would make any woman at least a little uncomfortable at first, i think.

but i feel like if you have to sit home wondering what's going on while they're at work...maybe it isn't her you should be upset at, you know? even if she is a skank, nick should be able to resist her and you should be able to trust that he will do so...if not, maybe he is more the problem than her.

i understand your insecurities, because i have plenty of my own. being toothpick skinny actually makes me insecure (i know that's tough for alot of people to wrap their heads around hah) and when i was with my ex, i used to get so jealous/insecure/nervous when he would talk to old flames. for a long time i hated those girls for what i thought was trying to take my man from me, but in the end, i realized that my inability to trust him was not because of them, it was him and only him.

i don't know if any of that makes sense...but hopefully it did. just another viewpoint, i guess.

 

[laperle]

I totally understand the feeling 'cos I've been in a similar situation 'til 3 years ago.

I'm not a jealous person, but that woman made me turn into all colors and my heart was bumping with angry.

I don't have good advice, but I think it's ok to be upset, oh yeah!

My ex had the same 'part of my life' line and I HATED it.

Grrrrr!!!!! These chicks should go to Exland and never come back to haunt us.

 

[chdom]

I totally understand how you feel because I went through kind of the same situation. Really though at the end of the day it's you that he goes home to. It's you that he's engaged to... Know what I mean? You just have to trust that your relationship is strong & stop creating these what if scenarios- they're just that what if's.

There's my two cents. Take it for what it's worth. Hope it works out for you.

 

[ratmist]

I wouldn't like it, no. I've met my husband's most significant ex though, whereas you haven't. You only know what happened in their relationship. You don't know her, and you've already decided she's after your man. You're setting yourself up to feel anxious about it, no matter what your man says or does. That isn't fair to him either.

I would talk to my man about it. At the end of the day, my insecurities are my own. It's my responsibility to deal with them in a mature fashion, and his responsibility to be supportive.

If you trust him, there should be no problem with him working alongside an ex.

 

[User93]

I'm a very very insecure person, and im very jealousous, so much , that it hurts me so bad. So i feel for you copmletely hun.. But damn, you look really gorgeous, you dont have to be worried how she looks or whatever she does. I think Nick realises that she treated him badly and cheated on him, why would he be into the person who fucked up so much?

I just wanted to send you lots og hugs and say that i understand completely and i would simply die from my own anger in such situation, thats how insecure i am. I just.. understand. Hugs.

 

[NicksWifey]

Thanks everyone for your advice/thoughts.

I did try and talk to Nick about it this morning when he got home from work and it didn't really go so well. He promised me he would not talk to her unless it was work related but he said they talked about us, that we live together, that we are going to get married, blah blah. That shit made me mad. Then he said she made the comment like "You've gained weight" and he told her she had lost weight...WTF. Then he said she asked "How does your fiance feel about this?" and he said he replied "What do you think?" and she said "I would be mad as hell too."
OK then, maybe we are getting somewhere, if she understands it would piss me the hell off, maybe she should bounce out and get a job elsewhere. I just can't believe they rehired her because she used to steal money and left Nick in a very compromising situation when they had broken up that resulted in the cops frequenting their workplace at night when he worked. A lot of people that he works with are mad that the boss re-hired her but he said he didn't care, he needs someone to cover an empty spot on the schedule and she was familiar with the job.
It really seemed like our conversation was going NOWHERE last night so I finally said "You know what? Maybe I don't trust you. Maybe I'm so afraid that you and her are going to start talking one night and you'll miss what you guys had and you'll kick my ass to the curb." And that was that. The conversation didn't go so well so I'm done with it. It's like beating a dead horse. To hell with the entire situation.

 

[User93]

Hun, i think its good she knows about you, and that he told her he is engaged. Thats a totally good sign. What kind of work is that? Honestly, i would just secretly ask all my girlfriends if someone needs a job, then that girl would apply to he position and bye bye ex girlfriend!

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Focus on yourself, your man, and the relationship you have together. If you strengthen those bonds, you won't have to worry about the next skeezer because her conniving ass tactics won't work.

I used to be really uneasy about my husband going out places, talking to girls he used to like, etc but after all we've been through and the bond we have, all of that is irrelevant.

It's fine not to trust her, she's not in your relationship; but if it's really Nick that you don't trust, you have to do some reevaluating, and make some decisions. If you don't, it can only get worse, until it's irreparable.

 

[glam8babe]

Ok Brittney, im pretty much the same as you.. i'm very insecure and can get jealous easily over things like that
if i found out my boyfriends ex was going to work with him i would be really angry, pissed off.. you get the point but yeh i would be
I wouldn't really blame him though because if he was working there first then i would be more wary about his ex
I know my boyfriend wouldnt do anything behind my back and im sure yours wouldnt either, you are absolutly gorgeous i don't know why anybody would want to do that but i do see why you would be angry

Sorry i cant help much but i suggest talking to him about it, see what he says

 

[laperle]

I agree with Becky. So far, the only one to blame is the bitch!

And he's even being naive to talk to her about you guys, 'cos I know women like that and they pretend to be interested in you just to get closer and then start poisoning.

I really hope it doesn't play this way for you, but be careful with the snake!

 

[Tinkee-Belle]

Whoa thats weird..... I wouldnt be worried about him becuz obvs he wants to be with you but she sounds like a nutjob getting a job at the same place. I dont have much relevent to add because im the worst person at relationships but... im sure you're way prettier than her and if she messes with you guys.. knock her out

P.s. im totally going to start using "shiesty bitch"... its GREAT!

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I agree with Kimmy, it's unfair to judge her based on just what you know from him. You don't know her, and you don't know what kind of person she is. What you know is what you've gotten from biased information from your boyfriend, who feels she betrayed him by cheating.
If he didn't tell her about the job and hook her up by helping her get hired, you can't get so mad that they now work together. Yes, it's an uncomfortable situation, but there's nothing you can do about it. So you can sit at home while he's at work (you mention this is his second job, so no doubt he needs to be working to help support you two?) and let your own thoughts consume you and drive you wild, or you can just get over it. He probably can't fire her, he's not going to quit, she's probably not going to quit, so there's really nothing left to do.

Don't let your insecurities consume you that way, I know it's easier said and heard than done, but you're going to drive yourself crazy, and then you're gonna find yourself making snide comments or interrogating him about things you've imagined, and it's going to wreak havoc on your relationship. Believe me, I know. My boyfriend has a bitch of an ex. But I don't let it bother me anymore.

She used to call and text him all the time, and once I found a text that said "So when are you gonna leave your gf and try us again?" I checked the outbox, and he didn't respond. Neither of us can control what she texts, but he controls his actions, so the fact that he didn't respond shows that he's not even taking her seriously. In fact, he got a new number and she went out of her way to get it, he didn't give it to her and he didn't tell anyone else to. She did it all on her own, probably the same way your boyfriend's ex got a job with him. I've never met her so I can't say I hate her, but she found out where I worked and drove all the way from Orange County to my mall just to come into my store and see what I really looked like, since she'd only seen my myspace picture. Crazy right? But I'm not gonna let that get me upset and start taking it out on him and making accusations.

 

[florabundance]

i would react exactly the same as you. don't matter how much i love my man, trust him, there are just some girls who aren't feeling the ex hanging around. and i'm certainly one of them. it's kind of unfair to tell you not to judge her before you know her. i don't think you're judging her, you're judging the situation..and it IS shady as hell. i would be wondering how she knew to want to work where your man is working?? talk to Nick about it - ask all the right questions, because the last thing you want is him thinking you don't trust him, cos that hurts.

and i have to disagree with Skylar about Nick concerning his attitude to you about other women (like his mum), just because i always see your posts as incredibly human..like, his reactions and your reactions to situations is real. you don't sugar coat shit with eachother and i think that's great!

anyways, i hope u feel better soon and i'm sure you have no reason to be insecure. but ur right, some people just are.

 

[zeroxstar]

Well, first of all I'd be upset if he said she still had a piece of his heart.. that's almost like he's admitting he isn't sure if he can trust himself around her. I totally think you have the right to be upset! I mean, he's got to expect you'll be asking questions and getting annoyed... what would he do were the situation reversed? Probably the same or worse!

I don't think it's about how you feel about yourself or your insecurity rather then the fact that A). You can't trust this bitch as far as you can throw her, B). She's probably guaranteed to do SOMETHING shady based on her history, and C). Your fiance may not be strong enough to be as rude as he needs to be to her, or worse, he may not be able to cause it's a workplace ... either way, you have the right to be mad! He needs to be completely over this chick and he sounds to be fighting w/ that which isn't cool. So if based on that he can't deal with some crap from you then that's HIS problem!

hope things work out hun!

 

[snowflakelashes]

Sweety, I think that A) its natural to feel the way you do, but its also that annoyingly illogical part of us that gets all riled up. But If this was me I would take a deep breath, you've voiced your opinion. Now you have to put your faith in him, for me I'd be more concerned about keeping my relationship healthy and just make sure he still knows he can talk to you about anything, like about his night/day at work without it becoming a fighting issue so he doesn't end up shutting down emotionally.

On and take everything I say with a grain of salt, I'm not exactly a relationship guru for sure, but thats definately what I'd be working on doing, I am a very insecure jealous person too so its something I am constantly working on.

 

[Beauty Mark]

This isn't the first time trust issues have come up with him, is it? I think I recall there being other issues.

I think you either are insecure for some reason or you have good reason not to trust this guy. I know you love him and all, but I'd be pretty pissed if someone gave me that "piece of my heart" stuff. I think that's totally valid to be upset about. Maybe he means that he'll feel somewhat sentimental about her, but I feel like he could have worded it better.

I think you need to focus on what's wrong in your relationship and try to fix it. There will always be some woman or women around him. They may act foolish trying to seduce him, even if they know you're in the picture. That's really disrespectful to you, but the important thing is always how he reacts and behaves. He owes you more than anyone else. If he can't respect you enough to keep himself in check- well, I'd leave him, as hard as it is..

I feel like if you can't trust someone, you're just continuing to make yourself miserable by keeping them in your life. It isn't healthy. I know you say you're done with this, but I don't think you've actually reached a point where you can be at peace with whatever is going to happen next.