WTF... It's been a year and now this...

[euphrosyne_rose]

Deep breaths. So...a little over a year ago I broke up with this guy who I had dated for about a year. Long story short (I posted a few times about this back then) things just weren't working out and I started to realize I didn't love him anymore and in the end he started getting so out of control that I asked that he never contact me again. Well, naturally for awhile he chose to ignore that request and I had to block him from my personal email address and from my cell but I never replied back b/c I didn't want him to think he was getting to me and didn't want him to take any replies as an ok to keep bothering me so I stayed silent the entire time. He started sending cards to me at work and at home but finally after a few months he stopped and as of this month, it's been a blissful, peaceful year (actually slightly longer) and earlier today I went to check my work email for something and he had sent me 2 emails there. There wasn't a way for me to hide my work email address b/c I work at a school where we maintain a website and my email address has to be on the site for information purposes.

Basically in the email he sent me some pics of himself and said that he wanted to know I was doing ok and that he "loses sleep sometimes" wondering what he did to make me hate him and why I won't talk to him. I don't hate him but I just don't want to talk to him at all. I moved on and I've been more than happy this past year and the irritated part of me wants to reply back to tell him to leave me alone but I also don't want to spur him on. I feel like he should realize that if I had wanted to speak to him, I would have contacted him by now and I really thought that finally he had gotten the message and moved on. Right now I plan on not replying again and I think I found the right settings to block him from emailing me but I'm concerned that he'll try calling me at work or something b/c that's the only other way he could reach me if he tried. I just don't know what to do. A year ago I would've been a wreck after finding the email but now I'm just annoyed. Advice??? Should I just keep on ignoring it like I have been???
THANKS!!

 

[dietcokeg]

if i were in your shoes right now i would reply to the email telling him that you want no contact with him. lay it down to him like you did in your comment and tell him you moved and on and that he should do the same. He hasnt got the message the last few times you ignored him, so what makes you think he will now? Before it escalates into something biggger i would definately reply to him and tell him exactly how you feel and that you can never be togther anymore.

Best of luck, really hope you sort this out, situations like this are never easy.

 

[gildedangel]

If I may ask; how did you end things with him? Perhaps he hasn't had closure on the matter; and that is why he continues to contact you.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gildedangel If I may ask; how did you end things with him? Perhaps he hasn't had closure on the matter; and that is why he continues to contact you.

We spoke on the phone and also emailed back and forth b/c he lived about an hour and a half away from me. It was in an email that I asked that he not contact me again. Since it's been so long since I heard from him, I assumed he had moved on and it has been over a year. I'm not sure what brought this on other than maybe it was a New Year thing.

 

[gildedangel]

Well then just keep ignoring him; he will get over it I'm sure.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Yeah, I would keep ignoring him. An ex of mine still emails me once in a while...on my birthday, the Holidays, I got an email from him a few days ago wishing me a great upcoming year. I don't respond. Actually, I never respond. I used to when we first broke up but I realized it only added fuel to the fire, it got him excited and the contact got stronger...so I never responded again. I think sometimes men contact their ex's when they've realized that a good woman has slipped through their fingers, maybe he's bored? Maybe needs an ego boost? Maybe his g/f isn't giving him enough attention? Maybe he's reflecting on the past? Maybe horny? Maybe lonely? New Year got to him? Who knows! These men come out of the woodwork I tell ya. My advice is to continue ignoring him, pay him no mind, do not give him the attention he so desperately craves. I'd ignore his ass. If he has the audacity to call your job, let him know that you will contact the police and place a restraining order against him for harassment lol. He needs to respect your boundaries; you've told him before you wanted absolutely no contact, he should abide by that. But in the meantime, ignore him. He'll eventually stop. Hopefully. Some men are hardheaded! Good luck!

 

[lenchen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real Yeah, I would keep ignoring him. An ex of mine still emails me once in a while...on my birthday, the Holidays, I got an email from him a few days ago wishing me a great upcoming year. I don't respond. Actually, I never respond. I used to when we first broke up but I realized it only added fuel to the fire, it got him excited and the contact got stronger...so I never responded again. I think sometimes men contact their ex's when they've realized that a good woman has slipped through their fingers, maybe he's bored? Maybe needs an ego boost? Maybe his g/f isn't giving him enough attention? Maybe he's reflecting on the past? Maybe horny? Maybe lonely? New Year got to him? Who knows! These men come out of the woodwork I tell ya. My advice is to continue ignoring him, pay him no mind, do not give him the attention he so desperately craves. I'd ignore his ass. If he has the audacity to call your job, let him know that you will contact the police and place a restraining order against him for harassment lol. He needs to respect your boundaries; you've told him before you wanted absolutely no contact, he should abide by that. But in the meantime, ignore him. He'll eventually stop. Hopefully. Some men are hardheaded! Good luck!

I agree with this 100%. It seems to me that this guy just wants attention and you responding to his e-mail like makeup4real said, would just add fuel to the fire. I was in the same situation as you I broke up with someone over a year ago and like clock work he contacts me every 30-60 days or so. At first, I used to reply then, I realised from his actions, it was just about the attention..I would continue to ignore him. He'll stop eventually.

 

[LMD84]

100% keep on ignoring him. he will get the message eventually

 

[BlueMoonDoll]

I would continue to ignore him.

However, if the messages take on a pleading, urgent, or threatening tone, or he calls you at work, you must tell him this:
Joe, I told you before that I did not want you to contact me anymore. You have continued to do so and I do NOT appreciate it. If you continue to contact me, I will have measure put in place so that you cannot contact me. If you decide to get get around those measures, I will take legal action. Do not contact me again.

But that is only if he is becoming persistent and/or threatening. You do not have to include the bit of legal action, but make it clear that you do not want him to contact you.

 

[Meisje]

Keep ignoring him. This kind of person will take any interaction as encouragement. I agree with the previous poster, though, if the tone changes you need to straight out tell him to leave you alone.

Please document all the emails (save/print them). Make sure your friends and family know what is going on. If the time ever comes that the messages become frightening, you may need the previous emails to prove the history.

 

[jennyfee]

Keep ignoring him!! His email sounds manipulative to me... Like he's painting himself as a victim (i don't know what i did, i can't sleep)...

Maybe it's just another way to trick you into talking to him... And sometimes one reply leads to more and then you're just stuck in a vicious circle...

hth

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

^ agreed with Jennyfee. I hate manipulative people. I've once been in a similar situation with a friend where they tried to twist it to paint me as this aggressive monster that feeds on other people's good hearts to fuel her own rage and cruelty or something. Stay away from people that bother you so much like this.

Sometimes passiveness and kind words just don't work with certain people. Sometimes you have to use an iron fist and nail that sucker back to where he belongs.

Best of luck to your situation and I hope it gets better. =D