Yard Rant

MAC_Whore

Well-known member
I am so feeling this article from Slate on MSN. As one of the only couples without kids in our neighborhood,we are surrounded by these garishly bright, huge plastic monstrous yard toys. Literally every other house has a big, hideous yard toy. I understand kids are kids and kids love to play, but the kids rarely play on them and when they do play on them, they just seem to break them, so that they become even uglier to look at. For some reason, my HOA allows these things.

As someone who appreciates the aesthetics of a nice yard and despises waste, these huge, ugly plasic yard toys annoy me to no end. Does anyone else feel my pain on this? Does anyone see it as a sign of a bigger issue as stated in the article below?

Crazy lady rant over.
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Note: I shortened the article to include the more salient points as the original article was pretty big.

Quote:
Lawn Pox
Children's play equipment and the decline of the American yard.

By Tom Vanderbilt
Posted Friday, May 2, 2008, at 7:13 AM ET


The next time you drive down a street in suburban or exurban America, pay careful attention to the yards. Lurking somewhere, either peeping out from the back or nakedly displayed right in front, some form of children's play equipment, typically in plastic and typically in some bright primary color, will probably be splayed on the grass.

I'd like to raise just one question about this picture of domestic bliss: How often do you actually see a child playing on, or near, one of these devices?

On a recent weekend trip through a posh Connecticut suburb, the kind with moss-covered stone walls and dense canopies of mature trees, I was dismayed to find the sylvan harmony of the scene constantly disrupted by garish blights, from wavy slides to inflatable contraptions of the kind once relegated to seasonal carnivals. It was as if a McDonald's PlayPlace—some alien, mother-ship PlayPlace—was spawning its miniaturized brood across the landscape (and simultaneously vaporizing the kids).......

......The environmental implications alone—each piece of equipment must represent a lifetime's worth of plastic shopping bags—are reason enough to eschew this stuff. Then there are the aesthetics. On this, I'm hardly alone in my displeasure. In her account of the perils of suburban gardening, Paths of Desire, Dominique Browning recounts how a new neighbor installed an enormous swing-set with a plastic slide facing her house: "Obviously, I had developed an exaggerated aversion to the plastic; I'm the first to admit it. But brightly colored plastic (and who decided kids enjoy these colors anyway?) in the garden is one of my peeves." Or, as one blogger more bluntly put it, "The only thing worse than a neighbor with fifteen different pieces of play junk in his front yard is a neighbor with fifteen different pieces of insanely brightly colored play junk in his front yard.".......

........One parent-blogger recounted how his wife had purchased a massive water slide from Sam's Club. This led him to reflect that, once upon a time, only one house on each block had "the cool thing." "Today," he writes, "I live in a neighborhood where, if one kid gets a toy, everybody else eventually ends up with the same thing, albeit bigger and more ghastly looking."

Yes, it's the aspirational spending race brought to the lawn. Of course, it was already there, in the execrable outrages committed in the name of "outdoor living," the kind routinely chronicled in the pre-recessionary Weekend section of the Wall Street Journal (the Masters and Johnson of bourgeois anxiety): the grotesque waterfalls coursing over volcanic rock from Hawaii, the waterproof plasma televisions hovering over the pool, the backyard pizza ovens. But this impulse has spread to the short-pants set. How else to explain the ridiculous ensembles found at the higher end of the children's play equipment market? At Posh Tots, for example, one can purchase, for $122,000, a "Tumble Outpost" filled with ropes and swings and ladders, the kind that would sustain an entire playground but is meant for private consumption. Or feast your eyes on the capacious "luxury playhouses," like the "pint-sized plantation" known as "Oakmont Manor."

I have come to think of all these things, in both their lack of use and aesthetic alien-ness, as being symptomatic of the decline of the American lawn. I don't mean grass per se but, rather, the whole relationship of the house to its exterior; the meaning of the outdoor space as a pastoral enclave in a larger natural setting; the civility and beauty brought by the carefully considered arrangement of plants, trees, and shrubs—the sort of things one used to see in the so-called "garden suburbs."

U.S. Census Bureau data tell us that as American house sizes have grown (despite shrinking family sizes), the size of lots has actually shrunk. It is now not uncommon to see massive houses crowding to the very edge of their property line. Whatever lot is left is typically barren grass with a few random shrubs installed by landscapers (the lawn version of a bad hair-plug job). The scalped appearance of these lots is usually not accidental—developers often find it easier to cut down mature trees than to work around them.

And so then one sees it: the asymmetrical, triple-garage-fronted, architecturally confused house, towering over a lawn that's utterly stark—as if surrounding a prison so escapees can be seen—except for the assemblage of plastic junk and recreation equipment scattered here and there. Which is not being used, of course, because the entire family is inside the giant house, where the sounds of Nintendo echo off the high walls of the great room. The bright plastic begins to look like a memorial to the noble, dated idea of children playing outdoors. As historian Kenneth Jackson notes in his book Crabgrass Frontier, the shift to largely indoor living, accompanied by the much-reported decline of gardening and encouraged by everything from air conditioning (often now needed because houses seem to lack shade cover from trees) to front porches being replaced by garages, has left yards—when they even exist—curiously empty. "There are few places as desolate and lonely as a suburban street on a hot afternoon," he writes.

The unused plastic playthings and private playgrounds scattered in the barren yard speak not only to vanishing outdoor play but to a larger cultural disconnect from nature, from one's own environment. But there is a simple solution for this. Instead of buying cheap, potentially toxic plastic water slides and the like, plant a garden. Plant a tree. Plant something. It may not impress your neighbor, but it will last longer, it will look better, and it will have a better effect on the environment than plastic slides. And there is another benefit. In his book Second Nature, Michael Pollan writes touchingly about a hedge of lilac and forsythia at his childhood home on Long Island, N.Y. To the adult eye, the hedges were simply flush against the fence. But he had his own secret garden, a space between the hedge and the fence. "To a four-year-old, though, the space made by the vaulting branches of a forsythia is as grand as the inside of a cathedral, and there is room enough for a world between a lilac and a wall." He didn't need a plastic playhouse or an obscene mini-McMansion to find space to play. The natural world, when it is embraced, not only provides the opportunity for play—I imagine many of you, like me, have fond childhood memories of a swing hanging from a tree, or a tree house, or jumping in leaves, or running through the sprinkler as it watered the tomatoes—but connects us all to something larger and more lasting......
 

purrtykitty

Well-known member
The toys in the front are what really bother me...because that means there are children tearing around the neighborhood and I guarantee that 75% of the time they aren't watching for cars. Just the other day, DH and I drove down our street and about six kids (ranging from 3 to 7, I would guess) were playing out front (yes with those damn bright plastic toys) and this little girl, probably no more than 5 or 6, made a nasty little face at us and grabbed her crotch (in a suggestive manner) as we drove by. I was floored!! And, of course not a parent (or supervising adult) in sight.
 

*Stargazer*

Well-known member
We have some big stuff like that. It's out in the backyard. My kid are outside playing on it and in it all the time. No way that stuff goes out front near the street.

We've got a bouncy house, too
smiles.gif
It only gets inflated for parties.
 

duckduck

Well-known member
See, I am alll about the trees and bushes here:

barfff1.jpg


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Then again, if terribly photo-shopped foliage won't solve your problem, I suppose real plants can do the trick
winks.gif
We have some trees and bushes we planted out back so we don't have to look at our neighbors crappy shed, and even though they are small and do not cover the shed yet, it is much nicer to look at. Of course you have an HOA, so they'll probably be all like "WHAT?!?! A TREE??!! That is insanity! Why don't you just get some big plastic play sets to block out the view?"
 

persephonewillo

Well-known member
i love the last bit of the article
greengrin.gif


we don't have any crazy plastic outdoor playthings. never "needed" to. at our last house we faced a big communal playground. here we have a large yard fenced in on one side by a very tall and reasonably wide hedge. the kids and their cousins discovered a "fort" in the hedge and spend all their time playing in there. i love it!
greengrin.gif


edited to add: whatever the heck happened to wooden playsets? that's what we had growing up. they blended in reasonably well with the surrounding yard. and we didn't care that they were brown instead of primary colours... our imaginations made them into whatever colour we needed them to be.
 

MACATTAK

Well-known member
Luckily, we live in an association with a ton of rules! While some of the rules do seem excessive, it really does keep things looking nice.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
I'm the freak mother who doesn't let her kids play in the front yard. We have a corner lot and while my neighborhood is nice and quiet for the most part, people do have a tendency to speed through here.
 

MAC_Whore

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by duckduck
See, I am alll about the trees and bushes here:

barfff1.jpg


barfff1fixed.jpg


Then again, if terribly photo-shopped foliage won't solve your problem, I suppose real plants can do the trick
winks.gif
We have some trees and bushes we planted out back so we don't have to look at our neighbors crappy shed, and even though they are small and do not cover the shed yet, it is much nicer to look at. Of course you have an HOA, so they'll probably be all like "WHAT?!?! A TREE??!! That is insanity! Why don't you just get some big plastic play sets to block out the view?"


Duck Duck,

You're awesome. If you could just photoshop in more bushes, higher trees and me with a flame thrower melting the yard toys before I take them to the recycler it would be perfect.
smiles.gif
 

elegant-one

Well-known member
I love this post! Its one of my pet peeves along with ill-mannered kids in general. And its true, the kids never play on the hideous things. Like you - no kids since our son is older & married, but everyone else that moves nearby all have these plastic playgrounds like they're building on a Monopoly board. I thought maybe it was just our neighborhood that all the kids seem to play in the front of the house - next to the road. What is that anyway?

It also made us mad that when new neighbors moved in over the past couple of years, they cut down the older beautiful large trees that towered over the road for years. It ruined how the road/whole area looked.

Since our son left home, gardening & landscaping around our house has been my therapy. Rows of roses, & walls of Rose of Sharon planted that originally were planted at my Grandmothers, then my Mothers & now our home. But now I feel like the gardener in the article whose neighbor has the plastic slide pointed at her.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
I find those things hideous, but I have a much larger problem with the motivation behind buying them. Keeping up with the Joneses is never a good idea to instill in children.
 

aziajs

Well-known member
I suppose it does look tacky. We used to have water slides and such when I was younger and played with them in the front but when we were done we took them back in the house or stored them in the garage. So, I guess that's never been too much of an issue where I live. Everyone keeps their children's toys in the backyard. We have boys that play basketball in the street but when they are done they wheel the post back up into their driveway.
 

MAC_Whore

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by ms.marymac
You could always give them a flamingo surprise and substitute the birthday greeting with a snarky one.
winks.gif


Pink Flamingos Lawn Disp;ay


lol.....you don't even want to know what my sign would say. Snarky doesn't even come close.
 

captodometer

Well-known member
I think sanity prevails in my suburb of Rochester, NY. I can see the back yards of 4 other homes from mine. All of them have some kind of children's yard toy. The 2 to the left have permanently fixed swing sets: no problem. The one directly behind me and to the right have the plastic things that prompted this thread. But they are small, and there is only one in each yard. And they only seem to make an appearance when the grandchildren come to visit; I think they get stored in the garage the rest of the time.

I think the restraint in my neighborhood is due to the age of the residents; only 20% of the people in my zip code have minor children and the age range is definitely skewed towards the retired/elderly. With age comes wisdom: they know better than to fill their yards with expensive oddly colored ugly plastic crap
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The landscaping in my neighborhood is nice though: 70 year old trees and flower beds, etc.

I agree with BeautyMarked. I think a lot of people who fill their yards with these things are just trying to advertise their own affluence, or keep up with perceived affluence of their neighbors. Their children probably don't even know the difference. When I was the target age of these toys, I was happy with my metal swing set, and some cardboard boxes. Rochester is home to the National Toy Hall of Fame: the cardboard box was voted as the number one toy of all time, so I can't be the only person in the world who enjoyed playing with them! And I doubt that children today are any different.....
 

captodometer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by redambition
i love the stealth flamingoes.

i wish we had that service over here...


LOL. You could probably be the first Australian franchisee
tong.gif
 

redambition

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by captodometer
LOL. You could probably be the first Australian franchisee
tong.gif


lol.gif
maybe. could you imagine the possibilities?

*happy sigh*
 

urbanlilyfairy

Well-known member
I definetly would not let my kids play in the front yard ..nor would I stick a slide or swign set in my front yard ..just cuz I rather keep a nice invinting front yard ...but I also have to say ..it's these peoples homes. .that they pay morgatges on every month ..and well if it was me and I only had room in the front yard for my kids to play ..then I might be like screw the neighboors .and be outside with the kids playing ..but I prolly would pack up whatever toys they used and put them up after play time.

I definetly think there are nicer play things out there to find ..more eco friendly and green that would blend in with yards..but when I have kids ..and I have my own back yard I pay my hard earned money for ...if my kids want some play contraption ..and I can afford ..im sure as hell not going to ask any neighboors permission to place it in my back yard.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
Quote:
I think a lot of people who fill their yards with these things are just trying to advertise their own affluence, or keep up with perceived affluence of their neighbors. Their children probably don't even know the difference. When I was the target age of these toys, I was happy with my metal swing set, and some cardboard boxes. Rochester is home to the National Toy Hall of Fame: the cardboard box was voted as the number one toy of all time, so I can't be the only person in the world who enjoyed playing with them! And I doubt that children today are any different.....

I think kids are somewhat different today, and I think it's because of parents' materialism make them think that they need the specific toy, not something that's just as good
 

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