X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
So several weeks ago I found out I was pregnant during a visit to the gyna when i gave a urine sample. I had went there originally thinking I had a UTI or something but that test came back clean and I was in for a real shocker when the doctor came in and showed me the paperwork stating my pregnancy test came back positive. I will admit that I was not the most careful person with birth control along with the fact that I had taken 2 rounds of antibiotics back in november/december for an infection from a piercing gone bad.
The father is a guy who I guess I've been on and off with for about 6 years, it wasn't a totally committed relationship but that was due to his decision. He has serious abandonment issues and problems with attachment and before we found out about the pregnancy we were making a lot of leeway to hopefully get to a point where we both could be in a secure committed relationship at one point. I did love him very much and wanted so badly to eventually have a good relationship with him and a future possibly. In the entire 6 years we have been sexual active with one another we have never gotten pregnant and there have been times where again I was either not properly taking the pill (taking it at different times of the day, or forgetting to bring the pack with me when I would change bags, being on antibiotics, etc) where I told him I think we should use condoms. He always refused and claimed that he didn't think he could get me pregnant as we've been having sex for years and nothing has happened yet. I tried but he persisted. I know it's really stupid on my part to still let him have sex with me but I loved this guy and I wanted to make him happy. I had wanted to go on a different type of birth control so that I wouldn't have to worry about taking a pill every day but my gyna who is very old school refused to put me on mirena and really didn't offer me many other choices. I already had tried the nuvaring as an alternative and never liked it during the 2 years I was on and off of it.
When I told him that very day I found out I was pregnant he was in total shock and just couldn't believe it but it was true, yes indeed I was pregnant with his child. He reassured me that he would promise to help me, be supportive of me and that he would not leave me because I was pregnant. He was of course upset and frustrated tho, I mean who wouldn't be in this situation? And for this next part, I would really appreciate it if I would not receive any harsh words or judgement if your beliefs are different from mines but I am adamantly prochoice. Just as the prochoice movement states, I'm not proabortion. I am only for the belief that a women has every right to make decisions regarding her own health, body, future and life. The father & I immediately knew that we at this moment have no other choice than to terminate this pregnancy. We have no means financially to support this baby. I was on various medications during the conception (antibiotics) and was drinking before I found out I was pregnant. Both of our parents would kick us out of our homes and we would literally be homeless with no place to go. He works but he only makes like $9 $10 an hour at his job and I'm not sure he even works full time. I'm not working right now cause I'm a full time student and I took a heavier course load this semester. My parents have a very traditional asian/chinese mindset when it comes to these things and there would be no way they would ever let me live this down or allow for me to stay at their home or accept this child. My mother told me from a very early age on that it was a very awful thing to have premarital sex and especially to get pregnant and that if I ever got myself pregnant before marriage she would be sure to kick me out. She also use to tell me about how in her village in China while growing up, there lived a couple who were not married but had several children together already and were living all together in the same household and they were severely ostracized by their community. At first, I really had no feelings of attachment towards this baby but after awhile I did grow attached and to love it. I'm at a point where it pains me to know that I cannot have it and that I must get an abortion. I just really have no other options and I know that this choice would be the best thing for everyone involved. The father on the other hand has absolutely no attachment at all and tells me repeatedly that there's no point in dwelling on this situation or getting attached.
So I had called a hospital that performs abortions up and scheduled a date to have the procedure done. I was petrified, I have the worse pain tolerance and I have never had any surgical procedures done before. I really wasn't given many options as far as being able to choose between a surgical procedure or taking the pill so I was just scheduled for a surgical procedure. The father and two of my close friends came with me that day. He put on the hugest front ever in front of my friends to be a caring supportive guy. Half of the cost was paid by him and the other half by me. However, I left that hospital that very same day still pregnant. Not because I changed my mind on my decision but because I could not deal with the pain. They had only gotten to the first step with the injections to my cervix and I yelled out in agony, crying and I moved around way too much. I couldn't control it. Everyone decided that it would be best to not continue on as me moving around posed a high risk of injury since they used very sharp instruments for the procedure. The doctor told me that I would need to go to another place that offered heavy iv sedation if I still wanted an abortion. Up until that point I had no idea that iv sedation was even offered for this procedure. I've never been pregnant before. I've never had an abortion before so I had no idea how these things worked and I was just too emotional to even muster up the courage to look up anything related to this online before that day. So I walked out of there out a good bit of money and still pregnant. After my friends leave and me and the father get to the car, he does a total change in personality. He immediately tells me that he does not know what he can do for me anymore and that he cannot pay to have this procedure redone (we received no refund for the first procedure at the hospital even though I did not go through with it). Mind you, we only each paid $140 for this as I qualified for financial assistance and we split the price in half. It's not that much but when your not working and on a very fixed income it is a burden to have to pay, but he works though and receives a steady income regularly. I was in tears because I felt traumatized from my exerpience that day at the hospital and how I was now being treated by the father. While in the car I immediately dialed the phone number for the other clinic the hospital referred me to where they did sedation and made an appointment. The father agreed to take me to the appointment if I kept things private. I was not sure wat he meant by that at that moment and I was so emotional that I was just like sure, yea whatever and agreed. Since this next procedure requires me to be hooked up to an iv with strong medications I will need someone to wait with me and drive me back home so I was really depending on him to help me out.
Just several days ago after being a bit distant me and the father talk online. He tells me that he thinks I'm being very distant with him and I go on to explain to him how exhausted I feel all the time due to being pregnant and having school. That I was still extremely scared about getting the procedure done and how this is all affecting me mentally and emotionally. I then tell him that I will be having a friend of mines with me at the clinic this next visit because I did not want to be alone there while waiting but that I will still need for him to provide me with a ride there and back. Please remember that he did not offer at all to pay for any part of this second procedure even though it's only fair in my eyes that he should but I did not push it. All I expected was for him to be there for me and to provide me with transportation. After hearing that my friend was going to be with me that day he immediately flips out on me and tells me that I will need to find another way to get there since i apparently broke his promise to keep this private. I'm not sure how we can keep it private anymore at this point as most of my close friends already know since there the only ones who are there for me! He says he tries to be there for me but he just fails. We continue to argue and things just get worse. He tells me eventually that he no longer wants anything to do with me anymore because in his eyes I'm way too much trouble and not worth it anymore plus I lie to him and can't keep my promises and all sorts of nonsense. He also tells me that he can't do this procedure for me and that I put myself in this situation and that I now need to woman up and get myself out of it, whatever that means. I stated that we BOTH agreed to have consensual sex with one another and we both knew the risks that come along with having sex, that I did not get on top of myself and impregnate myself. The fight continues on and he tells me bye and that he is now going to block me online. I haven't heard back from him at all.
I'm just completely crushed for so many reasons right now. I'm pregnant with a baby that I absolutely love and already thought of a name for but I can't keep it due to the way things are in my life right now. The procedure scares the hell out of me. I'm completely stressed out with school and I'm struggling to keep up. I'm sick and tired all the time from being pregnant. The man that I spent 6 years of my life with treats me like utter garbage, lies to me and just completely abandons me when I need him the most. I feel so alone. I feel so hopeless. There have been nights where I wanted to honestly just end it all cause that seemed better than living on this way. I legit don't know what to do. I feel like my life went from alright and optimistic about my future and the relationship situation with this guy to complete hell since I've found out I was pregnant.
I go from moments of where I miss him so badly and want to go grab one of his shirts he's left at my house to wanting to burn all the stuff he's left at my house and hoping he drops dead. It pains me to not only have him leave me but to know that he legit does not care AT ALL for this child inside me that's a part of him. Whether or whether not we are keeping this, I feel that he should have some appreciation and love for our baby like I do. My eyes hurt from crying. My heart hurts from breaking.
The father is a guy who I guess I've been on and off with for about 6 years, it wasn't a totally committed relationship but that was due to his decision. He has serious abandonment issues and problems with attachment and before we found out about the pregnancy we were making a lot of leeway to hopefully get to a point where we both could be in a secure committed relationship at one point. I did love him very much and wanted so badly to eventually have a good relationship with him and a future possibly. In the entire 6 years we have been sexual active with one another we have never gotten pregnant and there have been times where again I was either not properly taking the pill (taking it at different times of the day, or forgetting to bring the pack with me when I would change bags, being on antibiotics, etc) where I told him I think we should use condoms. He always refused and claimed that he didn't think he could get me pregnant as we've been having sex for years and nothing has happened yet. I tried but he persisted. I know it's really stupid on my part to still let him have sex with me but I loved this guy and I wanted to make him happy. I had wanted to go on a different type of birth control so that I wouldn't have to worry about taking a pill every day but my gyna who is very old school refused to put me on mirena and really didn't offer me many other choices. I already had tried the nuvaring as an alternative and never liked it during the 2 years I was on and off of it.
When I told him that very day I found out I was pregnant he was in total shock and just couldn't believe it but it was true, yes indeed I was pregnant with his child. He reassured me that he would promise to help me, be supportive of me and that he would not leave me because I was pregnant. He was of course upset and frustrated tho, I mean who wouldn't be in this situation? And for this next part, I would really appreciate it if I would not receive any harsh words or judgement if your beliefs are different from mines but I am adamantly prochoice. Just as the prochoice movement states, I'm not proabortion. I am only for the belief that a women has every right to make decisions regarding her own health, body, future and life. The father & I immediately knew that we at this moment have no other choice than to terminate this pregnancy. We have no means financially to support this baby. I was on various medications during the conception (antibiotics) and was drinking before I found out I was pregnant. Both of our parents would kick us out of our homes and we would literally be homeless with no place to go. He works but he only makes like $9 $10 an hour at his job and I'm not sure he even works full time. I'm not working right now cause I'm a full time student and I took a heavier course load this semester. My parents have a very traditional asian/chinese mindset when it comes to these things and there would be no way they would ever let me live this down or allow for me to stay at their home or accept this child. My mother told me from a very early age on that it was a very awful thing to have premarital sex and especially to get pregnant and that if I ever got myself pregnant before marriage she would be sure to kick me out. She also use to tell me about how in her village in China while growing up, there lived a couple who were not married but had several children together already and were living all together in the same household and they were severely ostracized by their community. At first, I really had no feelings of attachment towards this baby but after awhile I did grow attached and to love it. I'm at a point where it pains me to know that I cannot have it and that I must get an abortion. I just really have no other options and I know that this choice would be the best thing for everyone involved. The father on the other hand has absolutely no attachment at all and tells me repeatedly that there's no point in dwelling on this situation or getting attached.
So I had called a hospital that performs abortions up and scheduled a date to have the procedure done. I was petrified, I have the worse pain tolerance and I have never had any surgical procedures done before. I really wasn't given many options as far as being able to choose between a surgical procedure or taking the pill so I was just scheduled for a surgical procedure. The father and two of my close friends came with me that day. He put on the hugest front ever in front of my friends to be a caring supportive guy. Half of the cost was paid by him and the other half by me. However, I left that hospital that very same day still pregnant. Not because I changed my mind on my decision but because I could not deal with the pain. They had only gotten to the first step with the injections to my cervix and I yelled out in agony, crying and I moved around way too much. I couldn't control it. Everyone decided that it would be best to not continue on as me moving around posed a high risk of injury since they used very sharp instruments for the procedure. The doctor told me that I would need to go to another place that offered heavy iv sedation if I still wanted an abortion. Up until that point I had no idea that iv sedation was even offered for this procedure. I've never been pregnant before. I've never had an abortion before so I had no idea how these things worked and I was just too emotional to even muster up the courage to look up anything related to this online before that day. So I walked out of there out a good bit of money and still pregnant. After my friends leave and me and the father get to the car, he does a total change in personality. He immediately tells me that he does not know what he can do for me anymore and that he cannot pay to have this procedure redone (we received no refund for the first procedure at the hospital even though I did not go through with it). Mind you, we only each paid $140 for this as I qualified for financial assistance and we split the price in half. It's not that much but when your not working and on a very fixed income it is a burden to have to pay, but he works though and receives a steady income regularly. I was in tears because I felt traumatized from my exerpience that day at the hospital and how I was now being treated by the father. While in the car I immediately dialed the phone number for the other clinic the hospital referred me to where they did sedation and made an appointment. The father agreed to take me to the appointment if I kept things private. I was not sure wat he meant by that at that moment and I was so emotional that I was just like sure, yea whatever and agreed. Since this next procedure requires me to be hooked up to an iv with strong medications I will need someone to wait with me and drive me back home so I was really depending on him to help me out.
Just several days ago after being a bit distant me and the father talk online. He tells me that he thinks I'm being very distant with him and I go on to explain to him how exhausted I feel all the time due to being pregnant and having school. That I was still extremely scared about getting the procedure done and how this is all affecting me mentally and emotionally. I then tell him that I will be having a friend of mines with me at the clinic this next visit because I did not want to be alone there while waiting but that I will still need for him to provide me with a ride there and back. Please remember that he did not offer at all to pay for any part of this second procedure even though it's only fair in my eyes that he should but I did not push it. All I expected was for him to be there for me and to provide me with transportation. After hearing that my friend was going to be with me that day he immediately flips out on me and tells me that I will need to find another way to get there since i apparently broke his promise to keep this private. I'm not sure how we can keep it private anymore at this point as most of my close friends already know since there the only ones who are there for me! He says he tries to be there for me but he just fails. We continue to argue and things just get worse. He tells me eventually that he no longer wants anything to do with me anymore because in his eyes I'm way too much trouble and not worth it anymore plus I lie to him and can't keep my promises and all sorts of nonsense. He also tells me that he can't do this procedure for me and that I put myself in this situation and that I now need to woman up and get myself out of it, whatever that means. I stated that we BOTH agreed to have consensual sex with one another and we both knew the risks that come along with having sex, that I did not get on top of myself and impregnate myself. The fight continues on and he tells me bye and that he is now going to block me online. I haven't heard back from him at all.
I'm just completely crushed for so many reasons right now. I'm pregnant with a baby that I absolutely love and already thought of a name for but I can't keep it due to the way things are in my life right now. The procedure scares the hell out of me. I'm completely stressed out with school and I'm struggling to keep up. I'm sick and tired all the time from being pregnant. The man that I spent 6 years of my life with treats me like utter garbage, lies to me and just completely abandons me when I need him the most. I feel so alone. I feel so hopeless. There have been nights where I wanted to honestly just end it all cause that seemed better than living on this way. I legit don't know what to do. I feel like my life went from alright and optimistic about my future and the relationship situation with this guy to complete hell since I've found out I was pregnant.
I go from moments of where I miss him so badly and want to go grab one of his shirts he's left at my house to wanting to burn all the stuff he's left at my house and hoping he drops dead. It pains me to not only have him leave me but to know that he legit does not care AT ALL for this child inside me that's a part of him. Whether or whether not we are keeping this, I feel that he should have some appreciation and love for our baby like I do. My eyes hurt from crying. My heart hurts from breaking.