4 wasted years

[redambition]

my partner of four years sent me a taxt message this afternoon saying "i don't want to live with you any more."

i have no idea what to do. part of me wants to clean out the house and move into my own place, leaving him with as little as possible. the other part of me wants to just move back in with mum and dad to get away from everything for a while.

i'm absolutely shattered. i can't believe that he'd do that, by text message no less.

i need a hug, but there's no one here to give me one.

 

[darlingjem]

OMG hunny, that's just horrible! I'm so sorry that someone can be so gutless.

Did he give a reason or a sign that something wasn't right in your relationship?

Move out, take all that you require, move in with your parents and reassess what YOU want out of life and then go from there. Don't do anything rash right now, gather your thoughts and emotions and sort yourself out.

(((((hugs))))) Jem xxx

 

[jinsy]

i understand about the pain. hugs.

 

[kimmy]

awww i'm so sorry! that was pretty douche-esque to do it via text message.

i agree with Jem though, take all your stuff and move back in with your parents until you get everything situated! good luck, and i hope you feel better.

 

[redambition]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darlingjem OMG hunny, that's just horrible! I'm so sorry that someone can be so gutless. Did he give a reason or a sign that something wasn't right in your relationship? Move out, take all that you require, move in with your parents and reassess what YOU want out of life and then go from there. Don't do anything rash right now, gather your thoughts and emotions and sort yourself out. (((((hugs))))) Jem xxx

thanks for the hugs all.

apparently he's not breaking up with me. he's been unable to give me any reason for why he wants me to move out apart from that he needs more space and that i do his head in. i asked about the doing his head in bit - if that's how it is then what does that spell for the future? no answer.

as far as i am concerned, if i move out, it's over. i don't want to be left hanging only to be told a few weeks or months later that he doesn't want to be with me at all.

i am suspicious as hell about this. it's come suddenly and he is unwilling to give me any reasons apart from piss-weak (sorry about the language) generalisations. something's up.

 

[darlingjem]

So he's not breaking up with you? Hmmm...odd. How old is this guy? To still be in a serious relationship after him basically kicking you out of the house that you have shared together raises some issues. You do his head in? And he tells you this via text? What a moron, you deserve better. You deserve someone who has the guts to face you and discuss extremely important matters like this. It's what adults do.

Does he expect you to just roll over, move out, forget about what he's done to you and still move into the future together? Maybe he knows if you move out, than that's it...all over. Then you've done his dirty work for him.

Go talk to him, no matter how much he doesn't wan't to face up to you...take someone with you who is a neutral for you both so if things heat up, they are there to smooth things out.

Move out, reassess your life and know that 99.9 percent of men don't change when they say they will.

Chin up, babe. Jem xxx

 

[redambition]

i honestly don't know what he expected. at 31, he should know better.

i haven't been able to get much out of him tonight, apart from him telling me that we'll talk about it tomorrow.

he got a bit of a shock when i told him he was sleeping in the spare room tonight... i think he expected that it would be all normal. no chance. (ok, so i was a bitch about it, but i'm the one who got the sms telling me this news.)

i'm just trying to work out what i'm going to do. i don't really want to share house again, as i'll be the flatmate from hell for a while due to this upheaval. moving out alone is going to kill all my savings, moving in with my parents means i'd have to buy a car (thus also killing savings).

it's going to be a crap year, that's for sure.

 

[darlingjem]

I don't blame you for not wanting to live in the same house let alone sleep in the same bed...what did he expect, fucking make up sex?

If moving out and or buying a car is going to kill your savings, it's a small price to pay to be happy. You'll be buying independance and a fresh start.

Jem xxx (((((redambition)))))

 

[Janice]

Sorry to hear this

, I don't mean to make it any worse, but is it possible he's seeing someone else? You'll figure out the living situation, IMO drop him and move out ASAP. After 4 years you deserve more than a text. =/

 

[Beauty Mark]

How cold and immature. A text message? Even a phone call would be slightly better. That's so shady, too. Do you have any friends you can stay with for the time being?

I hope things work out for the best for you.

 

[MacMonster]

I agree - definitely icy and childish. I know you've invested years of your life, but I'm glad you're not going to waste another second with this person. It's bullshit that he expects you to just be there until HE feels ready, or further unready to stay in that close commitment. I'm so sorry. The way he's acting seems really strange if it's out of nowhere and through a text message? that's just f'n insulting!

 

[Shawna]

I used to have a boyfriend who did the same thing. Well, we didn't live together, but he would just break up with me because he "needed space" and would give me all these stupid soul searching reasons he needed to be alone. He also kept trying to change who I was into what he wanted me to be. Stupid me kept taking him back, until I finally grew a set and dumped his ass. It took a while, but I met a guy who just wanted to be with me for me. I married him and we have been happy for 14 years now. I think the fact that he wouldn't even face you to ask you to move out is childish, and you deserve better. Trust me, there is going to be way way better out there.

 

[Raerae]

I agree with everyone above...

How old are you? Are you just working, or are you going to school?

Moving out into a 1 bedroom apartment isn't that bad. Just need first and last months rent. So a little shy of 2k. Or you could also look and see if any of your friends need a roomate, or if anyone in town needs a roomate.

I'd just dump the relationship. It's not worth it. BUT. It's not a waste of 4 years, as I'm sure you had some great times with him, else you wouldn't still be living with him. Women dont have shelf lives. Take what you like about him, and remember what you hate about him, and make yourself availible again.

Enjoy the freedom, re-connect with friendships that have stagnated due to being a "couple", go out, have fun, live life. Just DONT make everything you do, about finding a man. Just do what YOU want to do, i guarentee you'll find more men that way. I meet more availible guys in random places like the supermarket, kinko's, the mall, etc, than I EVER do at bars and clubs. As least you know the guy asking you out on a date in the supermarket wants a little conversation =p

 

[MAC_Whore]

First and foremost, I am sorry to hear about this. I am sorry to hear you are going thru a difficult time.

I am glad you sent him to the other room. He has made a choice to be apart, so he can start living like it.

I would move back into your parents, as long as you have a good relationship with them and it won't be hard on your well being. I know the expense of having to buy a car will be a burden, but think of the independence it will bring you.

I know it is easy for me to say, not being personally involved, that if he moves out that perhaps you should just consider moving on. I just think it may be headed for a long complicated thing.

God, you deserve so much better than a text message! So sorry, hon.

I am going to part with a bit of optimism:

Don't think it will be a crap year. Things will change so much throughout your life, you never know what's around the corner. You could have some fantastic things ahead this year.

Don't think of it as 4 wasted years. Remember the good times. Be thankful for what you learned. You've learned a lot about what you want and what you don't want in a relationship.

I used to never, ever have any desire to get married. I had my share of meh...OK relationships. Then I met my husband. Wow! He is perfection.

We have been married for over 10 years and I couldn't be happier. I look back at times when other relationships ended and I thought things were crappy and I think, "Thank God things worked out the way they did or I never would have met my DH". Everything happens for a reason.

Hang in there. Feel free to give me a PM if you want to chat.

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

HE doesn't want to live with you anymore.. so HE should move out. moving is very stressful and you dont deserve that..and honestly he does NOT deserve you!

I dont want to sound bitchy, but doing something like that to you is horrible and childish..i would kick his butt out!

 

[redambition]

thanks, but i don't want to stay in this house. it's up for sale, so we could be asked to move out at any time. i'd rather he be the one that have to deal with that

i've figured out that he wants to share a house with a friend of his. she is a sociopathic, manipulative biatch. she's so much as admitted to me previously that she wishes she could be with him :| and she's the biggest drama queen i've ever met. he thinks i do his head in? a week in a house with her and he'll be crying

(note, a lot of his other female friends are quite nice and normal. it's just this particular one is a loony.)

mac_whore: I know it's not really four wasted years. it just feels that way because of what's happening. it also feels that way because a long time ago we broke up for a little while for a similar reason: we were doing each other's head in. if only we'd just stayed away from each other :/

oh well. live and learn.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by redambition thanks, but i don't want to stay in this house. it's up for sale, so we could be asked to move out at any time. i'd rather he be the one that have to deal with that i've figured out that he wants to share a house with a friend of his. she is a sociopathic, manipulative biatch. she's so much as admitted to me previously that she wishes she could be with him :| and she's the biggest drama queen i've ever met. he thinks i do his head in? a week in a house with her and he'll be crying (note, a lot of his other female friends are quite nice and normal. it's just this particular one is a loony.) mac_whore: I know it's not really four wasted years. it just feels that way because of what's happening. it also feels that way because a long time ago we broke up for a little while for a similar reason: we were doing each other's head in. if only we'd just stayed away from each other :/ oh well. live and learn.

Well, good. He's getting his punishment quickly if he shares a house with that woman. You have to love it when people who do you wrong end up doing themselves wrong.

 

[christina83]

Hey Im so sorry to hear that,
Me and my fiance broke up on the 1st of january and I thought it was going to be a crap year too, but so far I seem to be doing pretty well.
I cried for 2weeks non-stop, but now im looking foward to the future

I thought my fiance was my soulmate, he meant to world to me, he was my world for almost 4years.

If you ever need anything just let me know

 

[kaliraksha]

Bah! You deserve so much better than a freaking text message. That's the part that really throws me off. Personally, I would just pack my stuff, move out, and live your life w/out him. He seems lost and not at an age where it's acceptable to not have the decency to talk about his feelings and thoughts.

You are right, live and learn! Good luck, honey and lots of hugs =)

 

[lara]

Whaaaaaaaat? Is this the guy who came in while I was at your house? What a douche.

Come into the city one day; we can do some theraputic shopping and have some grrrrl-he-so-ain't-worth-it cocktails at the Arthouse.