4 wasted years

[redambition]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lara Whaaaaaaaat? Is this the guy who came in while I was at your house? What a douche. Come into the city one day; we can do some theraputic shopping and have some grrrrl-he-so-ain't-worth-it cocktails at the Arthouse.

yep.. that's him.

would love some therapuetic shopping and cocktails

however the city is weekends only for me. i'll pm you.

my parents came over to drag me out of the house today... went for some coffee on the beach and to start looking at cars (polo GTi! wanty!) and then they came in for a bit afterwards. ohmigod. my mother is insane. she started on him for a reason and kept going even when i burst into tears and yelled at her to stop. she then started accusing him of being selfish. well, that he may be, but it was difficult with her doing that.

 

[jenii]

Oh my god, that is so horrible... And hey, hasn't he ever listened to Kelly before? If he has, he'd know "you can't txt msg breakup."

GOD, that is just such a douchey thing to do, and to someone he's been with for four years!

I'm so sorry that happened to you... Leave him with as little as possible. Even if you have to put stuff in storage, take whatever you can. This guy does not deserve to have any conveniences, so if you can inconvenience him in any way, do it.

I'm sorry, I know I'm suggesting something really bitchy, but HE DESERVES IT.

UGH, I cannot believe that crap. A guy who does something like that needs to suffer. I am so sorry.

ETA: I should probably say something remotely helpful, huh? I was with someone like that once. Except I had to ask *him* to leave, because eventually it just became so obvious that he'd grown to hate me. I was with him for years, and yeah, I also "did his head in." But, instead of just breaking up, he treated me worse and worse until I couldn't take it, and did the dirty work myself. ANYWAY, at first, it felt like a waste. But, eventually I realized something: I LIKED myself enough to give him the boot. I CARED enough about my own well-being to get rid of that relationship.

It may not have been good toward the end, but it helped shape me into the person I am now, so I'll never regret any of it. Because I like who I am, and that relationship helped me get to that point. It helped me learn what I was worth, and that I was worth more than I was allowing myself to have.

 

[redambition]

argh.. i'm so confused.

i just spoke to a friend who has known both of us for years. her advice was: don't break it off with him. he's not being an asshole (although she thought the text message was pretty low and stupid), he just needs time. let him go, define how much you want to see of him afterwards and take it from there. if it doesn't work, then it wasn't meant to, but if it's meant to work it will.

she thinks that he is just having a freak out and needs some time living away from me. i don't know what to think

she's usually pretty spot on with relationship and life advice, too.

it's weird that the two friends who know me and him the best are both saying to give him time (the other told me yesterday as soon as i'd received the msg and i pretty much ignored what she said as i was liquified on the bed).

 

[Beauty Mark]

Whose friends were they first? That may be a conscious or subconscious influence. Also mutual friends can be selfish as to how the breakup affects them. They're more concerned about they're going to deal with it than being supportive of both parties (which is hard but not as difficult as what you're going through.)

You're a smart girl. Do what you think is best for you. However, for me, I'd be inclined to breakup. Being with someone that long is practically like marriage in my mind. If the issues were with him, he should've been an adult and talked to you about what he's going through and what he needs, not essentially breakup with you with a text message.

 

[Shimmer]

he....sent you a text message saying he doesn't want to live with you anymore so he could live with a psycho?

I'm sorry, that's....there's something off about that (well, lots of things really) and honestly, you would probably be better without that kind of drama.

 

[redambition]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Whose friends were they first? That may be a conscious or subconscious influence. Also mutual friends can be selfish as to how the breakup affects them. They're more concerned about they're going to deal with it than being supportive of both parties (which is hard but not as difficult as what you're going through.) You're a smart girl. Do what you think is best for you. However, for me, I'd be inclined to breakup. Being with someone that long is practically like marriage in my mind. If the issues were with him, he should've been an adult and talked to you about what he's going through and what he needs, not essentially breakup with you with a text message.

one of the friends is more his friend than mine (and that's rather obvious)... the other is my friend first and foremost, even though she met him first (she was his flatmate for quite a while).

bloody men. can't live with them, can't shoot them.

 

[kaliraksha]

I would say right now... you should be taking care of yourself foremost. Get out there, have fun, spend more time with you... it's all cliche but it really helps you to understand that you are a wonderful person and you like you... so with or without him you are still you.

Let him be confused. You know where you stand.

 

[Moppit]

I sent you a PM because I have experienced exactly what you have except I wasn't given any notice.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I know it hurts but believe me it does get better with time.

 

[DaizyDeath]

It sounds to me like you need to get out of this relationship. If he really wanted to be with you he would. And if he just needed some "space" he would have told you to your face and not sent you a text message.