Abusive Parents

[ColorMeMac]

Well I better start at the begin. I'm 16, and I live with my parents along with me two siblings ( 2 and 1 yrs old). We live in SoCal on a 2million dollar house, and come from a really good community. I also attend a really realllyy good school..So I just want to point out that I don't come from a place where this happens too often (or maybe it does?)

Anyway, recently when my mom gets mad at me (cuss i won't do what she wants me to e.t.c: do choirs) she gets really angry and gives me these terrible scratch marks.

I already have 3 and two of them have bled. I really don't like this, but it doesn't seem like she'll stop and I don't know what she might do next. this has already happened 3 times... I know she's under pressure, and even if she is mad and i'm not doing what i'm suppose to do it doesn't really give her the right to hit me and stuff...

MY dad on the other hand opposes her hitting me...however he can be abusive with his words sometimes...

I sometimes just want to call the cops so they can put me in a foster home...

and when my mom is mad she sometimes takes my internet connection away and messes up my things (MAC stuff)...she'll also take away my money..

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm not a bad kid at all..i'm actually a straight A student, taking the hardest classes in school, i'm part of the Academic Decathlon team, and i plan on becoming a neurosurgeon...i don't do drugs, i don't smoke...i'm just a normal girl..

 

[kristakamikaze]

Try not to upset her and do what you're asked

but if things get worse
then i'd call the cops , or go stay with a friend for a few days

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Everyone has to do chores. But you're right, it doesn't give her the right to scratch you. Do housework and see how that goes and if it gets any worse, call the cops.

And talk to your dad and tell him that you get really upset over the stuff he says to you.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[Beauty Mark]

I'm unclear about what your father does. I also think your mother has a right to take away your internet connection and, at least in the eyes of the law, can take away your other things. Those are normal parent punishments.

What she doesn't have the right to do is cause physical injury to you. Yeah, you should do your chores (I have to side with her on that), but you take away the car or something else, don't resolve to causing nasty scratches.

If you are really concerned about this escalating, please talk to a teacher or some kind of authority. Since you were kind of vague about what's going on, I'd talk to someone you trust to help you through this. I wouldn't look at foster care as your solution; foster care can be rough, too, and should only be, IMO, used as a last resort if the parents cannot/will not change

 

[nursee81]

it all depends on the severity of the abuse ............... Her taking away your internet and money messing with you make up its not all that bad. i am in no way saying that you dont have it bad but maybe if you tried to help out with your chorus it wouldnt escalte to this............. which she has no right to do. i take things away from my six yr old when she doesnt puick up after herself i will take away the tv and toys...... i called child protective services on my mother b/c she go mad that i cut school and went and spend the day with my ex b/f. the school called her and the hit me when i got home. i went to school the next day and told my guidance councelor and the called cps they came to my house and had us go to therapy for like 6 months. which was not worth it to me i should've just kept my mouth closes. so it really depends on what you want

 

[MACATTAK]

Also, just to let you know if you do let a teacher/school employees know about this, they are mandated reporters. Meaning they have the duty, and the responsibility to let the proper authorities/CPS, know about what's going on. You may just be needing advice, but it would probably go further. I'm not saying it's good or bad either way, just want to let you know.

Take care

 

[ColorMeMac]

I do forget to mention that usually when my mother scratches me, she'll kick or punch me. However I usually stop her from doing this by holding back her hands.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[pinkvanilla]

I agree with jasminbarley - if this is happening often you need to speak to someone about it. I am so sorry this is happening

but it's not right..

Is there someone you trust you can speak to?

 

[MiCHiE]

Honestly, if all of this is happening to you, we're pretty limited in helping (besides advice). You should definitely talk to your parents first of all. Abuse is a serious accusation, but if it is happening, authorities should be summoned. Best of luck to you.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColorMeMac I do forget to mention that usually when my mother scratches me, she'll kick or punch me. However I usually stop her from doing this by holding back her hands.

It sounds like she's trying to further the physical damage on you.

I'd talk to a teacher or someone like that before it escalates more. It sounds like you're doing stupid, jerk teenager stuff by not doing chores and she's being outright abusive.

 

[malteze_bubbleg]

have you ever tried to speak to her when she is calm and not when ure angry with her?maybe you can tell her that you are suffering as a result of this...

like what was said above, i do beleive you should speak to someone you trust....it is not good to keep things inside..because it can lead to depression and make the situation worse...

i hope the situation ure in will be solved soon because its not healthy...

do your chores like she says and if she gets mad at you,make sure you dont get more mad or say mean stuff to her....

 

[pumpkincat210]

If you tell a teacher or counselor they are required by law to report it since you are a minor. Not saying you shouldn't, but the home they put you in could end up being worse if you are handed over to cps. Even if for a few days it would totally suck to be in state care. I agree that you should do your chores and parents have the right to take away things like the internet or money, but she doesn't have the right to harm you. I'd think about places you could go and stay, or possibly become emancipated if you think you can take care of yourself, but its way harder than you think!
If you really want to stay in the house and doing your chores and things you are told to do don't work, think about asking your mom to go to counselling with you so you both can talk things out with an unbiased third party. Good luck and hang in there!

 

[nursee81]

do you have an aunt, uncle or grandparents you can talk to about this? maybe they would be the best person to turn to. they can talk to your mom or dad about whats going on.

 

[stacylynne]

If you tell a guidance councelor or a teacher in school, by law, they would have to report this.

I do not condone raising a hand to anyone.
Do your chores around the house. Your parents have every right to take away your internet, tv, ipod, etc. Your living in thier house. However, again I do not condone any kind of abuse.

Try to talk to your father. Tell your mom next time she lays a hand on you,
are are calling the cops.

 

[florabundance]

I would advise you to get on with things that make you happy. Studying, being with your siblings/friends and make sure you do things like chores. If your mother hasn't always behaved this way towards you, you never know, she could be going through something serious.
Does she act this way toward your siblings?
Has something happened concerning the family or extended family?
Ask yourself these questions first, but definitely sit and talk with your parents about the way you feel.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkincat210 If you tell a teacher or counselor they are required by law to report it since you are a minor. Not saying you shouldn't, but the home they put you in could end up being worse if you are handed over to cps. Even if for a few days it would totally suck to be in state care. I agree that you should do your chores and parents have the right to take away things like the internet or money, but she doesn't have the right to harm you. I'd think about places you could go and stay, or possibly become emancipated if you think you can take care of yourself, but its way harder than you think! If you really want to stay in the house and doing your chores and things you are told to do don't work, think about asking your mom to go to counselling with you so you both can talk things out with an unbiased third party. Good luck and hang in there!

If the state intervened, couldn't/wouldn't the state try to place her with relatives?

Although I know everyone is well meaning, I don't think the solution is necessarily do everything she says to T. What if, instead of a mother, a husband/boyfriend/best friend were doing this? Would anyone put up with this from that kind of person? I don't think this kind of behavior is warranted, regardless of who it is.

Even if she did exactly what her mother told her do, there's a chance that the mother would still find fault or the OP will probably screw up, because she's human

 

[Shimmer]

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but....

The state's not going to take anyone away for being scratched or slapped or even kicked, especially if the behavior can be stopped by the child restraining the parent. =/ They won't be happy about it, and they'll tell the parent(s) to find alternative solutions, but no one will be displaced over this.

And, as a parent, I'd definitely take away internet & personal possessions for disciplinary action.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark If the state intervened, couldn't/wouldn't the state try to place her with relatives? Although I know everyone is well meaning, I don't think the solution is necessarily do everything she says to T. What if, instead of a mother, a husband/boyfriend/best friend were doing this? Would anyone put up with this from that kind of person? I don't think this kind of behavior is warranted, regardless of who it is. Even if she did exactly what her mother told her do, there's a chance that the mother would still find fault or the OP will probably screw up, because she's human

Likely they would place her and other siblings if there are any with relatives, but that takes time and a court order.. it could happen instantly or she might be put in a foster home for a week if they are busy and she isn't high priority(esp. because of her age).
Not everyone would call the cops/cps, but people like counselors, teachers, doctors etc. would have to report it. First i would go to my father and talk to him about it and try to get mom help before it's too late. A close family friend or relative would be who i would go to second. I would see if i could stay with them. If the OP feels in danger of her life I would absolutely call the police.
The mom needs a wake up call but at the same time getting the daughter involved with the state wouldn't be too great considering her age.
If she actually called the cops and they saw the scratch marks she'd be taken by cps then and there and the mom would get charged with something and taken to jail or taken to a psychiatric hospital.
If Cps got called by a teacher or counselor a social worker might show up anytime and interview everyone (likely alone) and check her body for signs of abuse. Usually physical abuse/neglect cases are dealt with quickly, but because of her age i'm not sure. CPS would probably come back alot unannounced for months to check up on the family. The mom would have to get help and go to court and possibly jail. and the daughter would be reintroduced to her actual family at some point. It's really hard to say what they'd do exactly because it's different in every state and situation.
Likely the original poster will screw up again and the mom needs help now. I totally don't condone her behavior, but i also think the original poster should know what will happen to her if she tells certain people.