Age minimum to be IN love?

[PBunnieP]

Wondering what are your thought about this. It seems society [and parents] have this idea that "young people" can not be really in love, that somehow they are not capable of REAL love. Instead of giving their support, people like to react with "are you crazy? dont be so simple minded... they can't POSSIBLY be in love".

Is there then some social standard for the minimum age to be IN love and understand it? Like emotionally/psychologically/mentally in love with another person?

Personally, this is the case with my own parents [married 20yrs] who dont' seem to be able to comprehend that young people can experience love the same way that they do. They like to tell me ---"what do YOU know about love huh?" as if i need a masters degree to understand it. Of course time plays into a big part of the depth of a relationship but I feel that todays' youth are wholly capable of being in love, the way that a 30 or 40 yr old person might be.

*Personal Status:
19yrs old + 20 yr old BF = 3yrs 2months [been together since I was 16]
*Parents Status:
---currently in denial.


Lets hear your thoughts ladies and gents

 

[vocaltest]

Hmm, I think its a difficult thing really.
My past boyfriends, I've thought I was in love with them, then when we broke up and I was so upset, I was crying saying 'but I love him' blah blah, and my mum would say 'no you weren't', and I look back and realise I wasn't at all.
I guess with parents they realise you have so much ahead of you and think that its just young love and don't realise. I'm a similar age to you (20) but I think my parents realise me and my boyfriend are in love, but then again I'm quite mature for my age (not saying you aren't). Maybe its a way of being protective but not showing it the right way? I don't know really!

 

[Shimmer]

You've got to understand..after a certain point, loving someone is just such a choice...Life takes over, people grow, people change, priorities shift, bills...house...money...jobs...mundane daily living...it all takes a toll, and the rush you get from ZOMG I LUFF THIS PERSON MOAR THN NE-THNG changes to a conscious choice to love them...because people don't always grow together.
I think part of what makes people say 'oh what do you know?' is that really, you guys haven't really gotten started on the things that make being in a relationship tough (not to diminish anything). There's still so much you guys haven't experienced, that's all.

 

[rosasola1]

I met my husband at 16 and I am now 20... married and truly in love. My parents thought the same thing about me, but I guess you have to take the individuals into consideration when trying to distinguish if they are capable of love. I'd say, being capable of being truly in love goes hand in hand with the capability of handling the concept of responsibility. Being truly in love and not just being in "lust" has to do with maturity levels and one's level of responsibility usually is the measuring tool determining "maturity". Even the Bible states that age is nothing more than just a number. Age has nothing to do with ones capability with loving another. But love is also not just a feeling, it's not even attraction, it is a choice. And I believe that if one is responsible enough to make the decision to love someone, they better have a good track record of responsibility holding. You know? So I guess, in saying all of that. You must look at the person who you are trying to judge whether they are capable of truly being in love. Is that person usually level headed? Is that person easily led by lust? Has this person had a good track record of keeping and holding responsibilities? Has this person ever been known for making bad decisions? And all these questions I believe apply for parents when they are trying to pull the "you are too young to be in love" speech. If your kid has all those qualities that say "hey, I am sane, responsible, and I am not a hormonal teenager trying to hump everything" then I would give them the benefit of the doubt in that they are completely capable of making the choice to love another selflessly.

okay, off my soapbox now haha

 

[TISH1124]

My son and my stepdaughters...I'm gonna aim for about 25ish ...Yep thats my final answer...sticking with it ...Not budging...Nope staying put...

 

[rosasola1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 My son and my stepdaughters...I'm gonna aim for about 25ish ...Yep thats my final answer...sticking with it ...Not budging...Nope staying put...

 

[PBunnieP]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 My son and my stepdaughters...I'm gonna aim for about 25ish ...Yep thats my final answer...sticking with it ...Not budging...Nope staying put...

TWENTY FIVE?!?!
Oh good luck with that!

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

Depends on the situation, it depends on what true hardships you guys have really been through.. and if you guys are together after those hardships, still happy, still going strong without any long-term drama in the relationship then i believe you found your match.

I'm 22 years old and ive been with my husband since i was 16 years old. Many relatives, co-workers, and a couple of friends think were just in puppy love, how could they be truely in love when they've probably experienced nothing in life. Well 3 kids, 1 condo, 2 dogs, 1 phd, a total of 120 hours of work a week, countless bills, yeah were that's just puppy love all right. Its how YOU feel, not anyone elses thoughts or feelings.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think it depends on what you're talking about. Of course, you can be in love at any age. It means different things, though, when you're different ages.

I think "true" love, though, requires a certain level of maturity, that you're both willing to compromise and work at your relationship. I think some people will be 100 and never reach that maturity level. I think people generally correlate age to maturity; not too many people have many maturing life events happen at young ages, which is probably why you are getting the attitude you are from others.

Of course, there are exceptions to that, and some people manage to luck out and find that they can grow old with someone they've known since they were young. Ron Howard (a child actor and now director) married his high school sweetheart, after all.

 

[banjobama]

I was about 19 when I first fell in love. I thought I was in love before that but I wasn't. I was just obsessed. If the couple has it then they have it and only they will know. But if my daughter had a long term boyfriend at the age of 16, 17, or 18 I would be disappointed. I don't see how anyone can know what they really like at the age of 16, without dating for a while. I can only imagine what my life would be like now if I had married the boyfriend I had when I was 17.

 

[ashleyisawesome]

Well, to me "being IN LOVE" is a lot different that "loving someone". To me being "in love" is the infatuation part of the relationship, when you feel all silly and giddy around them, etc. Loving someone is when you realize you'd do anything to make that person happy and caring for them just comes naturally. The giddy feeling will fade, and a lot of people confuse that with not loving the person anymore.. That's not the case. You have to work to keep the relationship new and exciting, otherwise you'll settle and get bored of each other...

On that note, I met my ex boyfriend when I was 12 years old, we were best friends and then starting dating when I was 15. I was with him for 3 years, and over that 3 year period of time, I changed SOO much. I was a completely different person than I was when I met him. I realized that I never really "loved" him. I needed him to be with me because he was my best friend. I would have sworn otherwise when I first started dating him, however.

Now, I'm almost 21. I'm dating this amazing guy who I've been with for 2.5 years, and I know for a fact that I love him. Our relationship is on a completely different and more mature level than my relationship was with my past boyfriend.

I think the transformation from the age of 15 to 18 was so extreme that it was impossible to connect with my ex boyfriend (even on a friendship level), and that's probably what your parents are talking about. People grow up and they change. You're probably not the same person your were at 16 and neither is he. It's just a matter of if you both grew in the same direction or not (for my ex and I, it was complete opposite). Also, they may be worried that you're settling... Sometimes when you've been with someone for that long and in that extreme period in your life, you can't imagine your life without that person, even if their is no future there. I understand where there are coming from, but in the end, it is ultimately your decision, heart, and feelings that are in this relationship and what you truly feel in your heart and mind is what matters.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PBunnieP TWENTY FIVE?!?! Oh good luck with that!

Don't be ruining my hopes and dreams....

I still pray my Mom and Dad don't actually do some of the things I do with my dh ....

 

[FiestyFemme]

I agree with the idea that having the capability to be in love goes hand in hand with maturity. I started dating my ex-BF when I was 14, and we dated until I was 20. Now I loved him... most definitely. We had a tumultuous relationship, but until that point, it was the fiercest love I've known for someone outside of my family (like from a romantic standpoint). I did whatever I could to make him happy, and honestly, if it came down to him or me, I would have taken a bullet for him with no second thoughts. However, once we broke up, I was really able to step back and reassess things. I was never in love with him. I loved him, but not the way I should have if he was my boyfriend. But what did I know? I just wasn't mature enough at that point to be in love. I cared about him, and I needed him, but not for the right reasons.

From all that though, I feel like I am capable of being in love (at 23). I don't think it has anything to do with how old you are... if I had reached this maturity level sooner, then I would've been ready then regardless of age. I just had a lot of things to learn.

 

[xStarryEyedX]

i think it depends, but for the most part you just know.

i know this is weird, but i really really knew b/c when my boyfriend and i broke up i had this weird feeling every time i thought about him up until we got back together. like it was the worst feeling ever. and i couldn't eat or sleep for forever after we broke up (i lost like 10 pounds).. i just had this insane empty feeling when we broke up... so that's how i really really knew there was noone else... but i don't think it's about age, it's about maturity and how much you know about yourself as far as differentiating between love and just a little thing

 

[jaclynashley]

I think there isn't a age limit for love,but on the other hand maturity can mean the world.
I don't believe that one relationship at my school will last even my best friends.
People go out because they think they're ugly if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
To conclude my ranting I think you can be whatever age you want but you have to be mature and ready for a relationship,something I don't think will be accomplished when your 13 years old.

 

[blindpassion]

I'm not even going to tell you how young I was when I fell in love for the first time. It would probably receive at least a small amount of doubt and ridicule. That relationship lasted almost three years. You never forget your first love right?
I suppose I started to grow up when I was young... much more then most people do.

It takes a certain maturity level, but if you posses that at a young age, love isnt out of your grasp.

 

[User49]

Personally I don't think you can put an age limit on something like love. And you definitely can't put up rules and restrictions because it's just not a 'logic' thing. YOu can't try and make sense of it. x

 

[PBunnieP]

I see the majority of you guys all pin-point it to personal maturity level and i most definitely agree. But I just quite frustrated when people can not take me [us] seriously or that people [esp. my relatives/parents] try to discourage me from a relationship even though we have been together 3+ yrs and have made it securely to university [one of the best in the country].

But even at 19, I can not even go out with him for lunch or a casual date without a death stare from my mother [since my dad is usualy at work]. My dad on the other hand refuses to accept that I HAVE a boyfriend. Completely in denial, in fact his final words on the subject were: "Come back to me when you're out of university and I'll be happy to take a look at whoever you bring home." >.>"
Whatever happened to love and support?

 

[blindpassion]

^ Im so sorry its like that for you.
I feel for you girl

thats not easy.

 

[lara]

25, the age the brain finishes developing.