am i a freak?

[LMD84]

well this is really hard for me to discuss and can't even tell my friends about it or even go into much detail with my husband but here goes...

Basically as y'all know i'm not the thinnest girl in the world. i used to be happy but now i'm not and diet to try loose weight (even though it's not coming off fast enough). i have to be careful though because when i was 18 i was borderline anerexic so i have to make sure i don't get too controlling over things. But due to me being fat.. there i said it... i'm not really having any sexual urges at the moment. In fact the last time me and hubby had sex was 3 weeks ago. and we're only 23 years old. and the last time we did was not good for me as i cried because i was so uncomfortable. obviously he stopped and such. but now i'm too scared to do anything sexual.

i hate him touching me and my body. i don't even like him kissing me at the moment and i don't know why. it really hurts his feelings when i push him away but i don't know what to do. i just think about how pretty i used to look and now i've made myself look terrible and i don't feel like i deserve to be loved.

Whenever i try and get in the mood i can't. i don't know how to relax so therefor i am not getting lubricated(how clinical sounding!) so not sure what to do. he wants sex, i'm scared and fat and can't relax. plus my job is stressing me out as well... just feel really useless at the moment and wonder if anyone has been through this and can offer some advice... thanks in advance... louise

 

[Shimmer]

Talk to him.

 

[kobri]

Yeah, you really need to talk to him about it. He loves you and wants you so clearly he doesn't agree, but you need to be honest with him about what is happening or he might start thinking it's him!
Considering your history I would make sure you involve your dr in your plans so that you have someone helping you make healthy decisions and keeping an eye on you. Also excercise really helps, not just in losing weight but in making you feel better about your body, making you feel stronger and more confident. I know I always feel better about myself on a day when I have gone to the gym and I totally understand where you are coming from because I feel the exact same way. You are NOT a freak, or alone by any means, so many women feel uncomfortable about their bodies and it can totally effect your sex life to lose that confidence. Good luck hun!

 

[SkylarV217]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Talk to him.

I completely agree, and to be honest I'm sure your Hubby still finds you sexually attractive, and when you push him away he may be getting the feeling that you no longer find him attractive. Us gals tend to have very warped body images and make a much bigger deal of things than they normally are. As for the Lubrication part, KY makes a wonderful variety of lubricants b/c some women don't lubricate well.

Your husband loves you, if he didn't he wouldn't have married you. If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't try to be intimate with you. While you are uncomfortable and hurting, he is probably hurting in the situation as well. The best thing to do is to let him know how you feel. That way you can talk it out and he doesn't get the feeling that you aren't attracted to him .

 

[LMD84]

yeah i think tommorow i need to have a good sit down with him to assure hime it's not him where the issue lies. because at the moment i feel like i'm treating him like crap and it's all my fault.

 

[girlsaidwhat]

It's not your fault.

Listen...baby, you just gotta work whatcha got!!
Own it, it's yours, and it doesn't matter. You can be bigger and beautiful, lots of women are. Look around! Bigger doesn't = ugly. That's...terrible, self abusive thinking.

Get in shape because it's what is healthy for you, because it's what you deserve. You deserve to take good care of yourself, you're worth taking care of.
Don't "diet". Eat what is good for you and your body. Think of it as proving to yourself that you're worth taking better care of.

You are sexy if you let yourself feel sexy. And let him help you, because I'm sure he would want to. It's only your /perception/ of yourself, that is keeping you from feeling sexy. Change your perception.

I mean, you can't be anyplace but where you're at. You may as well enjoy having that round and curvy body while you've got it! Pleasure is one of the blessings of life...and you deserve that, too. So does your boy.

Good luck!

 

[User93]

i agree with all the above posters, see, you upset him just pushing him away, it hurts him to feel you are worried, you dont get pleasure, you cant relax. All problems like that are just in your mind, but you should definitely share with him. Being sexy is not about being fat, thin, plump or whatever, but about feeling sexy yourself. You are driving him away not because you're fat like you call it, but by your behaviour. Only that. Sex once in 3 weeks is not good, cmon!

I think thats exactly the case when you can get in the mood while doing it. Dont be afraid to be naughty, sexy, freaky, seriously, its just about how you feel inside. Face the truth, ok, you're going on a diet, but you cant be without sex with hubby until you lose all them kilos, right? So why not enjoy while it?

Diet is a stressful thing, and if you gonna feel sexually satisfied, it will be way easier for you to lose weight.

I honestly would suggest buying a new lingerie, stockings, then coming home, looking at yourself in the mirror, admiring the sexy parts, facing the fact you wanna lose some kilos (so what?), and getting back to being naughty. Unless you took and pills which could affect this way, Its all in the head.

 

[vocaltest]

sweety, you're not a freak at all! i feel like this a lot! infact, i know exactly how you feel.

i'm not particularly small either and i sometimes feel horrible about myself. and also my sex drive is sometimes virtually non existant but thats down to my pill. are you on any contraceptive pill? perhaps thats why you feel so down, i know it can affect your feelings/sex drive, it certainly has with mine!

don't feel so down on yourself. and don't worry about the sex thing... sometimes us women are like that, its an emotion thing, i know i get it a lot, and i know that i certainly feel like i don't want my bf kissing me/harassing me when i feel down.

i think you should let your husband know how you're feeling just to let him know that you're not being intentionally distant towards him, and he will understand and help you.
just remember, you won't be like this forever. stay strong <3

 

[laguayaca]

Wow I am so glad to be part of this community its fulll of awesome people!

I am not sexually active but I can totally imagine how you feel I am not small either and I have my days but like the girls above mentioned you need to talk to him about how you feel, when I am feeling down my fiance makes me feel like the princess he sees when he looks at me. We are our own worst critics.

He probably thinks you are the most beautiful gem in the world and he wonders why you dont see it.

Think positive to act positive...its all about your attitude. Own it girl be the best YOU that YOU can be, we don have to be stick thin to be beautiful.

Do little things to improve you eating habits if you have bad ones, but dont do it drastically. Being healthy is a lifestyle not a fad diet. Drink water instead of juice and sodas. Dont eat too late and never skip breakfast. Little changes that become permanent is what its all about not starving to death.

Your not a freak we all have something that bothers us about ourselves, Love yourself as much as im sure he loves you. Think positive darling!

 

[PolyphonicLove]

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlsaidwhat It's not your fault. Listen...baby, you just gotta work whatcha got!! Own it, it's yours, and it doesn't matter. You can be bigger and beautiful, lots of women are. Look around! Bigger doesn't = ugly. That's...terrible, self abusive thinking. Get in shape because it's what is healthy for you, because it's what you deserve. You deserve to take good care of yourself, you're worth taking care of. Don't "diet". Eat what is good for you and your body. Think of it as proving to yourself that you're worth taking better care of. You are sexy if you let yourself feel sexy. And let him help you, because I'm sure he would want to. It's only your /perception/ of yourself, that is keeping you from feeling sexy. Change your perception. I mean, you can't be anyplace but where you're at. You may as well enjoy having that round and curvy body while you've got it! Pleasure is one of the blessings of life...and you deserve that, too. So does your boy. Good luck!

Best advice I've heard all damn day.

 

[Sikfrmthemirror]

I know what your going through, im not married but I totally understand. Cause ive felt that same way with my boyfriend and I still feel that way.

I was watching you are what you eat on BBC america and the lady on there says that if you eat zinc rich foods itll put you in the mood.

so along with your diet try mixing in things like that, im going to try it see what happens haha.

goodluck. with everything.

 

[pumpkincat210]

I felt this way after my son was born and i gained alot of weight. I didn't get turned on and hated the way i looked. You are not a freak, it's normal to be critical of your body to a point, but try not to obsess.
Losing weight for your health is the best idea, but remember that thinner doesn't always mean happier by any means! I lost all the weight and sometimes still don't like the way i look before sex and sometimes i'm turned on by the way i look. Our perception changes and is mostly just a mental thing.
Your hubby obviously is still turned on by you and you don't see yourself like others do either. Don't turn him away consistently as eventually he'll stop giving you affection.
Get back in the groove and try to love your body! I also think having more sex equals having even more sex. You just gotta relax! Buy some lubrication at the grocery store if you need too, its fun even if you don't need it, lol.
Oh and one more tip... a fishnet body stocking! I swear they are awesome and hiding flaws! They are stretchy and come in all sizes and conveniently cover up without being fully clothed and are slimming and sexy all in one. It was fun to experiment and it helped me appreciate my body more. Costumes are fun and come in all sizes and can be fun at times when you want to be sexy, but not show it all.
and don't worry you are not a freak!

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

talk to him and relax. take a bubble bath b4 bed and light pretty scented candles. do ur hair extra nice or wear makeup to bed just make urself feel sexy.do whatever that will make u feel confident becuz then u'll just go at him lol!dont push him away and make urself let-go. after he has u feeling good u'll forget about everything.

 

[LMD84]

aww thanks guys for your uplifting words. i'm going to spend my day off tommorow pampering myself and i'll have a good talk with him tonight so fingers crossed things will be getting a bit better. just trying to change my frame of mind!

 

[BAMBOOLINA]

Girl, I was in that case a year and a half ago, I was 164 lbs. and I felt bad, I spent SO many days crying about how much weight I gained and all that, I couldn´t get intimate either, I would get jelous of any slim girl.. and stuff like that, but you know what? sitting around and cryin´yourself out is NOT an answer, that´s not gonna solve things, so I started to exercise, to eat right, and DAMN! I swear my self-esteem wasn´t on the floor anymore, I felt MUCH better about myself, hence everything else worked out much better, everything starts on how YOU feel, If you don´t feel happy/comfy with yourself then do something! we´re here for you!

 

[duckduck]

One quick thing to add: As you probably well know, a history of anorexia makes safe weight loss an intimidating, potentially dangerous prospect. Just remember, your weight isn't who you are and stay safe! *Hugs*

 

[iluffyew769769]

I agree talk to him

 

[mizuki~]

Don' trip. Your hubby obviously loves you regardless and gets turned on by you so you shouldn't have to feel bad. Talk to him. Plus, hearing him say those things to you will make you feel loads better.

 

[purrtykitty]

You're not a freak...I can identify with you on soooo many levels. You definitely need to talk to him. Not just about your sexual insecurities, but also because of your eating disorder history. As duckduck said, your eating disorder history makes you much more prone to sliding back into old habits should (or when) you decide to lose weight. You need someone who will call you out if you are getting to the point where you are a danger to yourself. I had to do that with my husband, even though he was present the first time I had my eating disorder issues.

You have to realize that even though you're not comfortable with your body, he loves you and craves you. Talking to him will help so that he understands what your real problem is. And as much as he will tell you he loves you and you are the most beautiful woman to him, I know that will not necessarily assuage the feelings you have toward yourself. The first step to letting him love you is to love yourself. You might consider seeking the help of a therapist for a while. Otherwise, I would suggest doing things that make you feel beautiful. They differ from person to person, but I feel beautiful after I've gotten myself all dolled up or when I'm all squeaky clean after a run (I've got that runner's glow, so all I need is a little mascara).

I wish you the best, hun.

It's a tough problem you've got, but you can work through it. Don't try to do it all at once, you're already overwhelmed as it is. It's taken me years, but I'm finally on the path to loving myself and all the little imperfections I see. Feel free to PM me if you ever wish to chat.

 

[hr44]

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlsaidwhat It's not your fault. Listen...baby, you just gotta work whatcha got!! Own it, it's yours, and it doesn't matter. You can be bigger and beautiful, lots of women are. Look around! Bigger doesn't = ugly. That's...terrible, self abusive thinking. Get in shape because it's what is healthy for you, because it's what you deserve. You deserve to take good care of yourself, you're worth taking care of. Don't "diet". Eat what is good for you and your body. Think of it as proving to yourself that you're worth taking better care of. You are sexy if you let yourself feel sexy. And let him help you, because I'm sure he would want to. It's only your /perception/ of yourself, that is keeping you from feeling sexy. Change your perception. I mean, you can't be anyplace but where you're at. You may as well enjoy having that round and curvy body while you've got it! Pleasure is one of the blessings of life...and you deserve that, too. So does your boy. Good luck!

This advice among all the others is fantastic!

I hope everything works out for you. I wanted to include a tid-bit from this quote up above. Getting in shape is one of the most up-lifting feelings you can get. I also have added bounce to all my curves and TOTALLY have felt and sometimes do feel how you do. BUT the moment I hit the gym for a good week, I feel sooo great about myself and I start to appreciate my curves and realize what others see. It's a really good feeling. You don't have too look thin to be happy.. you have to feel and be healthy to be happy.

Oh and by the way, I saw your pictures. You are a beautiful woman with a fantastic smile. WORK IT!!!! =)