Am I wrong?

[IslandGirl77]

Hey ya'll, I'm having a issue that I need some input on. My bf and I have been together almost a year. Both of us have kids from previous relationships. My kids father lives in Hawaii, and his kids live 15 min. away. Before I moved here, he had told me his kids mother was cool and nice and all this good stuff. When I moved here, she was nice. Well, months later...I read some of his email. And she sent him emails talking trash about me. Saying that he needs to make me work, and she don't know why I'm not working. And that he could do better than me. And all this crap. And she doesn't even really know me. Then she said something like,"You must love and respect her more than you did me." That made me sooo mad! And I confronted him about it. Cause he was acutally explaining things to her, like she was owed some explanantion about our situation. THen she tried to say he could do better without me. Mind you, my bf really doesn't care if I work because we are doing just fine. So after that I dont' like her anymore. And he tried to make me feel like I'm wrong for that. They are constantly talking at work. And he doesn't even hardly see the kids. I dont' understand what all the talking is for. It irks me. Soo, on Valentines Day she had the kids call him. It's like 7:30 at night, and then she gets on the phone wishing him a Happy Valentines Day. That made me mad. Cause she wouldn't get off the phone. I'm thinking, doesn't she think we might be doing something at this hour? In the past week or so, she's been calling quite a bit. For nothing. To talk about BS. LIke about her house getting built. SHe called this morning at 8 in the morning to see if he's off of work. He told her no, and she's like I'll call you at work. I'm like WTF! Why? So I told him, why is she calling so much? I said you dont' even see the kids, so what's with all the calls. He says she calls to talk about the kids. And I know she's not. Sooo, anyways. He gets pissed at me and tells me to grow up. Once again, I'm the wrong person. I said tell her to stop calling so much. He told me to tell her! I don't know what to do. She's getting married in May. And he thinks that's supposed to make me feel better. I just think they talk waay to much. Am I wrong? Am I being insecure? What do ya'll think. Sorry for the long stories.

 

[michy_mimi]

Ugh.....this is a tricky situation, bc of the kids, but it seems like she is calling to talk about more than than the kids. I guess it comes down to this....do you trust him Feather? Because if you have doubt about their conversations then you need to tell him how it makes you feel, in a non threatening way....

And I agree with you, your guys business is none of her business.....that would make me insecure too...

 

[IslandGirl77]

They do talk about more than just the kids. He told me she calls him and talks to him about her bf. Oh, and when I was looking for a job he went and told her. Because, her sister came up to me at their son's birthday party and said,"So did you find a job?" I'm like how does she know? Like dang, ya'll are talking to much. I dont' get it, because he doesn't see the kids that much. Like hardly ever. And what really pissed me off is that...when she called this morning she called the cell phone and then the house phone. So I was thinking something was wrong with the kids or something. NOPE. SHe called and said are you off today? And he said no, and she goes ok I"ll call you at work. I don't get it.

 

[michy_mimi]

It just doesn't make alot of sense....in my opinion something isn't adding up. She wants to talk to him, but not when you are around. That isn't right. What kind of guy is your bf? Do you think he just talks to her to be nice? It seems like if her concern is the kids then instead of calling all the time she could putt her ass in the car and drive them to your place for them to see their dad, rather than her calling for them to talk about them...didn't you say they are only 15 minutes away?

She sounds like she is playing games...

 

[IslandGirl77]

Well, only in the past week she been calling alot. And she doesn't bring the kids over. She'll bring her son over every two weeks to get a hair cut. THey ask to come over, because they like playing with my kids. But, she doesn't bring them. They are always gone or doing something. And they broke up like 5 years ago. And they've known each other since highschool. And he is just a friendly person. That tries to be nice. So I told him, you don't see what she's doing. She's very shady. He said she just talks alot, and she talks to other guys besides him. I'm like wow that's even better. I dont know. I think I'm just going leave this crap alone. I trust him. I mean he doesn't see her or anything. But, it just irks me that they talk so much.

 

[michy_mimi]

Well all that matters is that you trust him....hearing that, I would say you have nothing to worry about!

He is just trying to be nice, which is a good trait. But you are right, she is definately being shady.....

 

[Pink_minx]

Thats obesessive that shes calling all the time. I mean I would understand that she is doing it for him to spend more time with his kids but if they are just talking about other things then it would be weird and I wouldnt like it either. I makes me pist that she would tell your bf to do things that arent even her business like you getting a job. She shouldnt be doing that she doesnt run your relationship with him. I dont like the fact that she calls non stop its just doesnt seem right. I dont care if your bf is being nice because he is being too nice having her tell him to do things about you especially. Then having her own sister asking you if you found a job yet! like wtf its non of your business! I dont like what your bf's ex is doing even though she has kids with him.

 

[user3]

Yes, I think you might be being a bit insecure but I also think he is giving reasons to feel that way by not telling her to mind her own business.

That call on V-day was an obvious. She used the kids to find out what the hell he was doing. She could have had the kids call at anytime but she picked a later hour and my guess is she did it on purpose.

I honestly doubt saying anything to that woman is going to help. She'll see it as her advantage.
Now rubbing the fact that your not working in her face sounds like a good idea to me.

She seems to be jealous of you. It's very possible. If she says things to him like "you can do better or you seem to love her more than you did me". These are obvious signs of jealousy. Just because she is getting married means nothing. I think sometimes people feel that they "own" others when they have kids together. I have a friend like that, she will ruin relationships for the father of kids just because she can.

Now, if he is willing to talk to her there is not much you can do. You don't want to be controlling because that could ruin things between you and him.
It sounds like he is just an all around nice person. My husband is that way. Instead of telling someone they are out of line he just ignores their rude comments. I've been with my hubby since HS and I am telling you it takes a lot to push his buttons. The advice I give below will either break your man in telling her to shut up or let him see her for the true witch she is! Either way you win!

I am more of a revenage is sweeter type person. So I say when she calls him and you are around. Nibble his ear, talk to him, love on him. Little things that will make her VERY aware of you but not annoy him.
When you see her talk about how great it is to be at home with the kids or just make comments about it.
Without coming off like a total bitch you make that woman aware of the fact of how great you are! You let her know just how wonderful it is to stay home and when she calls make it known that you are sitting right there! Even if it's just you laughing in the background at the TV!
It will kill her! She'll be prone to talk more shit and chances are he'll get fed up with it! Men can only take so much. So I say you lay low on your comments to him about her and just let her be the bitch. You just flaunt your stuff and slap those comments in her face. It will eat her up!

 

[IslandGirl77]

Wow, Nessa that was some great advice. To me it wasn't really about me being insecure. Just how annoying it's becoming. ANd getting on my nerves. But, I will def take everybody's comments in mind. I'm new to this. Soo, it's very hard. It's hard to stay cool. The only thing I can say, is that when we are all around each other, everybody is cordial and nice. It's hard though, I won't lie.

 

[kimmy]

well i say, nessa's an effing genius with all that advice

it's probably one of two things, her calling all the time and just talking about all kinds of bull that doesn't really matter:

either it's something involving the children. like she wants him to be a part of their life still even though they'll have a stepdad soon. or maybe once she's married, she'll want him to take the children to live with the two of you.

or she's jealous. that simple. she's just pissed off that you and him are happy together and perhaps she isn't really happy with her fiancee.

hopefully though, she'll quit calling. especially the call on valentine's day, i think, was very inappropriate. if she just wanted to kids to wish him a good one, it could have been done earlier in the day, not at night. she was up to something fishy there...

 

[joytheobscure]

Hmmm... I'm the insecure, jealous, and wouldn't deal very well with your situation, thankfully you trust him but you most certainly have a right to be pissy about her calling all the time.

I agree with Nessa - make her aware of how "close" you two are and how she is not in that picture. Her emailing him to say she doesn't like you blah, blah, blah is not her problem anymore since she took herself out of the picture.

I know my husbands ex and I had a strange relationship (mine was almost like WTF was he doing with that ) and part interest since he has a daughter with her. My husbands ex liked to badmouth me because there is a big educational/weight/career difference between us.

Maybe her fiance isn't aware she's calling. Sounds like total jealousy and its easier to be jealous and express it in badmouthing you because she feels she's not good enough for him, yet she needs that "attachment "- and uses what she has with the children