Boy Troubles:(

[jadey_boo]

Hiya... with my boyf just over 2 months but know him much longer. Anyway... was on his computer on the net the other day when he was in the shower and I was harmlessly looking for a picture of myself that I had sent him on msn the night before. I clicked on received files and found it... along with alot of other pictures of girls...sum naked. Ok first of al im thinking... he's a guy and it was probably before us but being a bit panicked at the same time I decided to check the dates they were sent... I was relieved when they all came up years ago... except two of them. They were very explicit pics and it said they had been sent when we were togetha...i thought no, maybe the dates on the computer was wrong but I checked the one I had sent him of me and the date was right. I freaked out and just came off the computer and he came out of the shower. Anyway I left it for a few days because I didnt know what to make of it all but it played on my mind and I had to say something... so i told him and basically he freaked out sayng how dare I go through his computer and said that the pics were old pics on his memory card from his fone but I know thats a lie because they would not go into received files... anyway he got even madder at me and told me that we need a time out and that he didnt know when he would talk to me and see how I like it and hung up the phone. Anyway I left him off I didnt make any contact with him... he seems to be forgetting here that im pretty annoyed as well over what I saw. So we havent talked in three days and I told myself that I will not contact him because why should I when he was the one in the wrong. Im very confused by all this and I dont know what to do... any advice would be much appreciated!!!!xoxo

 

[kariii]

Being someone that's been in this situation before.. except my EX looked through my computer and it made me really upset.. I felt like he didn't trust me to have to snoop in my computer.. (no matter even if I were to have something that'd bother/hurt him) and it's also a huge invasion of privacy.. I felt betrayed he'd go that far.. so maybe that's how your boyfriend feels.. I understand you may be hurt because he has naked pictures, but I'm sure he feels just as shitty knowing you'd invade his privacy and not trust him. You are both in the wrong equally.. and not talking about it, is just going to make the situation worse. i'd be the bigger person and give him a call and explain that #1 you trust him, and #2 you are sorry you went on his comp without his permission, and that you had no intentions of snooping, you just wanted to see the photo of you and take it from there. Good luck!

 

[TISH1124]

Men HATE when you go thru their private (persay)things...hate hate...whether they are right or wrong...I did that one time with my husbands email...But he was my husband so kinda different but he was still pissed....the thing is if you don't trust him or have the urge to go thru his things there is already a problem there....Him lying about it means he has something to hide...So I guess both things were wrong your snooping and his lying even after you saw them....it's tough....But men will be men and after two months of dating...I am not sure if at this time he is really ready to cut off all his other "enjoys" so soon into the relationship....maybe that is a discussion you two need to have.

But with my husband my motto is if it's private then don't bring it into our house that we share as one...If it's desrespectful don't bring into our house...If I snoop I apologize in advance but there is probably a reason I feel I need to so make me NOT feel that way in the first place.

 

[banana1234]

it sounds like you cant trust him, but i would talk to him about it, say u didnt realise he wasnt taking it seriously, and if he still cant commit, then i think you're better off with out him, cos even if u say u dont mind, you'll always be worried he's hiding something

decide if u can trust him, if u cant, move on hun,

you deserve to feel like you are the only person he wants naked pics of!

 

[gildedangel]

You are both in the wrong, you shouldn't have been on his computer without his permission and he shouldn't have those pictures. You both need to discuss your trust issues, he feels violated because you were on his computer and you don't trust him because he has explicit pictures of other girls. Not talking about it is only going to make it worse. You need to call him and talk about these issues and see where it goes from there. Good luck!

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah, I agree with you if you earnestly found it by accident then I would back off the accusations and just ask for an explanation. 2 months in a relationship is too short IMO for you two to have it all figured out.

Don't forget that some women are trouble and they will send that shit just because they can.

Now, my boyfriend has no problem with me looking through his stuff... he doesn't partake in anything that would upset me to the point where he's given me access to all of his stuff and all his passwords. It's a lot of power, but I don't abuse it... the reason is I honestly trust him and I don't want to ruin any surprises for myself... people get confirmation emails for all types of stuff... ordering gifts, dinner reservations, etc.

But, it took us a while (a few years) to get to that point... I've definitely done some snooping in the past that I wasn't proud of and wish I hadn't.

 

[hello_my_apple]

i'm going to say the two month mark is just the "getting to know each other" phase and i soooo had a similiar situation like this but we were already 3 years in. he found pictures of me in my phone *explicit* and he made the argument that they shouldnt be there he was right but i also felt like its MY phone. but anywho you shouldnt be going through his stuff even if it was for to look for your pic. invasion of privacy is a serious issue esp. at the start of a new relationship. i would try to tell him youre sorry and you understand. and who knows maybe he might be sorry for what you came across!

 

[Half N Half]

I may be in the minority, but I don't consider this situation snooping. If you're together you shouldn't have anything to hide from each other. And if you do, you should be smarter about keeping it private. Obviously he felt like he got busted, that's why he's acting like an ass! If it's only been 2 months and you're already getting into it over something like this, I'd say just let it go. You can find someone better!

 

[jadey_boo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Half N Half I may be in the minority, but I don't consider this situation snooping. If you're together you shouldn't have anything to hide from each other. And if you do, you should be smarter about keeping it private. Obviously he felt like he got busted, that's why he's acting like an ass! If it's only been 2 months and you're already getting into it over something like this, I'd say just let it go. You can find someone better!

I agree... I wasnt snooping and I understand maybe I pushed his boundaries by accident but that does not excuse what I found. If he was doing that...what else could he have been doin? Needless to say we still havent spoken!

 

[banana1234]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jadey_boo I agree... I wasnt snooping and I understand maybe I pushed his boundaries by accident but that does not excuse what I found. If he was doing that...what else could he have been doin? Needless to say we still havent spoken!

pfft, if he hasnt made the effort to even contact you hun, he sounds like a total douche

he wants to have his cake and eat it too

so to speak... sounds like since he got busted he has the option of stopping the sordid emails and stay with u or break it off, if he apologises it might be worth considering, but dont be the one to apologise to him!

 

[jadey_boo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by banana1234 pfft, if he hasnt made the effort to even contact you hun, he sounds like a total douche he wants to have his cake and eat it too so to speak... sounds like since he got busted he has the option of stopping the sordid emails and stay with u or break it off, if he apologises it might be worth considering, but dont be the one to apologise to him!

Yeah tats why I havent!! It seems like hes avoiding coz hes caught and just doesnt want to address the issue cz he knows he'l have to try explain! He has to be the one to contact me and he better mak it damn good!! lol I do feel bad that I maybe invaded his privacy a bit but it wasnt intentional and in the long run im glad I seen it now!! Thnx for the advice grly!!!

xoxo

awwwh damn i really liked him and was friends with him for ages first..makes it worse... stupid asshole boys!!!

 

[Pink_minx]

I dont think he should have cut you off like that. Like he didnt even give you a chance to explain yourself and you two didnt even talk it over so you guys can understand each other better? If you still like him try to contact him or message him through txt or whatever and explain why you were there in the first place and didnt mean to find pictures like that. Relationships in the beginning can be rocky. If he doesnt return your msgs or calls then just forget him.

 

[jadey_boo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pink_minx I dont think he should have cut you off like that. Like he didnt even give you a chance to explain yourself and you two didnt even talk it over so you guys can understand each other better? If you still like him try to contact him or message him through txt or whatever and explain why you were there in the first place and didnt mean to find pictures like that. Relationships in the beginning can be rocky. If he doesnt return your msgs or calls then just forget him.

We wer arguing on the phone about it and he was just mad at me but wouldnt adress what I found and I explained to him a couple times I wasnt snooping i just wasnt thinkng i guess and he told me we need a time out and he doesnt know when he'l talk to me and hung up the phone. He was acting like he was the only one mad lyk my feelings didnt count. I txt him straight afta sayin im not playin games I want to sort this an got no reply so I left it after that because I WILL NOT BEG any boy to talk to me... so tat was 4 days ago and ironically he just made contact with me there bout 5 mins ago... he txt me sayin "goodnite xx" Wow they really dont have a clue...what is that lyk!?!

 

[banana1234]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jadey_boo We wer arguing on the phone about it and he was just mad at me but wouldnt adress what I found and I explained to him a couple times I wasnt snooping i just wasnt thinkng i guess and he told me we need a time out and he doesnt know when he'l talk to me and hung up the phone. He was acting like he was the only one mad lyk my feelings didnt count. I txt him straight afta sayin im not playin games I want to sort this an got no reply so I left it after that because I WILL NOT BEG any boy to talk to me... so tat was 4 days ago and ironically he just made contact with me there bout 5 mins ago... he txt me sayin "goodnite xx" Wow they really dont have a clue...what is that lyk!?!

boys... *sigh*

 

[Pink_minx]

^lol I know...I'd say dont worry about it so much hopefully he will get over it and things will be okay. He's just being a drama queen lol

 

[banana1234]

boys r bigger drama queens than us, they just like to pretend they arent!

 

[MizzVivaGlam]

I don't mind snooping every once in awhile, honestly how else would you know? If you have nothing to hide that could break each others hearts, then who cares. Don't mention what you find unless your ready to risk ending the relationship. If you snoop obsessively, then thats never going to workout in the end either. Naked girls in emails would cause me to probaly break his computer lol

.Even if they were old, they should be deleted now in my mind. I wouldn't apologize for being upset about that.

 

[iadoremac]

sounds to me like he knows he is wrong but wants to make you feel bad. My advice is dont call him and dont take him back until he explains as he will try and brush everything under the carpet. Even if you were snooping intentionally the fact still remains that what he did is wrong and is worse than what you did. Stand your ground

 

[LMD84]

i hope everything works out for you. i've found things in the past that i wish i hadn't, and that guy re-acted like yours... getting pissy at you because you caught him out. and now he's trying to make you out to be the bad one.

of course you shouldn't snoop but you wanted to see your picture. but always try and ask permission.

 

[Almond_Eyed]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MizzVivaGlam Naked girls in emails would cause me to probaly break his computer lol .Even if they were old, they should be deleted now in my mind. I wouldn't apologize for being upset about that.

I'm pretty sure most people don't bother to clean out their "Recieved files" folder very often. Heck, I've found stuff from 2 years ago still in my folder! There was a story about a guy who got remarried, and his wife found a picture of his ex-wife in his wallet. She confronted him, and the fact of the matter was that he had never bothered to clean out his wallet. Guys are just like that!

Now... even if the pictures were recent, and I'm sure everyone would be curious to check the dates if they were in this situation... but sometimes there are things better left alone... But if he's refusing to communicate and work out the issue with you, then that's a big sign of immaturity.

<3 A