Adidi
Well-known member
Hi guys, hope you all feeling good...
I really like specktra and the people here and since I got to this point when you feel you have no one around you, I thought lets write here my story.... it'll only be a release. i'de like to hear your opinion, or anything you'de like to say to me
Our story started exactly 6 years ago, a little before my 17th birthday. a girl that was a friend of mine back there, Noa, had a crash on a guy. one night after we went out she asked me to stay with her so she can meat that friend of her who just came back from the army, and it was him, Joe. Joe never stopped looking at me but i was too young and way too naive to see that. i had a mission- helping Noa with that Joe, which i didn't find atractive at all and didn't understand what does she find atractive at him.
Time passed and every nonth when Joe came back from the army we were going out with our friends and Noa of caurse. Joe kept inviting me and she was happy that we're going out a lot together. Joe and I became real good friends when he started calling me and we were talking for hours and nights, i didn't see that a love story is beginning, that time i was sure i'm just helping Noa getting his love.
Noa realized he's not interested in her and gave up. me and Joe was still good friends but my relationship with Noa started ending. I had a boyfriend for a few monthes, and every second i could, i was running to see Joe, untill i realized i can't stop thinking, talking, and dreaming about him. I can't remember any moment in my life when i felt something stronger than i felt for Joe. i would gave him my life if needed and always thought- what would i do if anything would happend to him.
I called Noa, apologizing and telling her about Joe and I. She wasn't thinking about him any longer, but i felt bad about it anyway. the second she gave me her OK, me and Joe was together. I think about this time and i still can feel my whole world moving around. i felt what is it to fall in love, with all your heart. anyone that looked in my eyes while i was talking about him told me that my eyes looks shiny like two stars. But it wasn't perfect, like nothing is in life. i loved him so much that i guess nothing could compete this love, even Joe's love for me. we argued alot, and i guess (well, it was a long time ago) that i just felt he doesn't love me enough.
After almost 2 years together, i told him i want to break up. in my heart i wanted him so much to not give up on me, and he did fight for me to stay, but a few weeks later he told me i was right, and something is not working.
For about 3 years, we wasn't "toghether". but he wasn't listening to me, asking him to not talk with me again. and for me it was too hard not to pic up the phone or see him when he came to my house, begging me to go outside. in those years i remember me trying to lie to myself, that i'm no longer in love with Joe. i even had 3 different relationships, with all of them i felt that i'm really happier than i was with Joe, but unfortunately i don't love this guys even 10% than i loved him. every relationship, buy the way, ended at the second i met Joe or talked to him. He always made me remember what i felt for him and how i don't feel like that anymore with no other guy.
One year ago, i finished a relationship with a guy i truely believed i love. i had so much fun with him, but he wanted to travel for 6 monthes with his friends, and i felt too lonely to wait. i know that deep inside i knew i still didn't get over Joe and i still miss him. a day before i broke up with that guy, Joe called me. He wanted us to try again, but when he heard i have a boyfriend he just said how sorry he is for everything that went wrong between us, and wished me luck. every word he said made me feel that my world turns again. I told him me and my bf broke up, and he kept calling me. even that i knew i still feel for him, i played hard to get and agreed to be friends. He sayd he still loves me, and didn't mind to try again even if it'll hurt him. I thought i was protected, the love for that guy made me forget about Joe for a while. but things wasn't like that at all.
it took me very few monthes to fall in love with Joe again. He changed, and all the things i hated about him was perfect this time. He stopped his crazy& dangerous life and he's a manager in that company, student with a lot of smart and interesting things to say. he was still funny to death, and again i found him most beautiful man in the whole world- even that he has nothing really pretty in his look. we were talking about life together. he's now 26 and i'm 23 - we both looking to get married. i thought he had everything i want in my man. he's a good person, kind, smart, funniest, he knows how to fight for what he wants, he'll do everything for the people he loves, he's full of respect, he's everything i can't find in any other man now.
So how can you explain, it went wrong between us? what happend that i didn't feel happy with him? i thought he doesn't love me enogh, but it was funny saing that, he kept telling me how perfect i am, how beautiful and smart and funny, how no girl in the world can interest him after he had me. He said he thinks i'm the perfect woman for him, he respected me so much. I knew i should feel something else when someone loves you so much, and he loves you back. I know it's the only thing that can make you happy in this world, and if it doesn't- something's wrong. but it felt so wrong keep thinking my man doesn't love me when he tells you how perfect you are all the time. so i talk with him. he said he thinks a few things are ruining our love. we changed those thinks. i gave everything to make this last. to make things good with the man i wanted to marrie. But it wasn't it. after one month, he came to my house and just said, he doesn't feel he loves me enough. that he doesn't understand how, i'm so great and i was so good to him, all the time, but he tried and that's what he feels.
I had no regrets for getting back to him, even that i should have know, that someone who had difficults to open to people and love, wont give me the huge love i needed. I had no regrets because i finally found what i want in man, how bad i needed all those+ his love. i can't understand this world, if a man that you gave him everything you had, can't love you with all his heart.
Breaking up with Joe was the hardest thing i ever had in my life. and believe me, i had some bad times. it's already a month after i talked to him for the last time, and i feel even worse. i stopped crying 5 times a day, which is great. but i'm still so sad. I care for nothing anymore. i was about to start studies, and left it, i had no powers to handle it. i found myself alone, with no one who really see me or care. harder than breaking up with Joe, was knowing that your best friends are not here for you. i'm sick of my job even that every makeup artist would want to take my place. i feel i just want to disappear, i don't want to do anything. everything makes me cry and i just knows it'll be so hard for me to get over it. i feel i'm just waisting my time for not going out, meeting someone, studing or working on my career, but the worse thing is that i don't care- i lay all day in bed, wishing i just disappear or something.
well, i guess no one got this far, but if someone did, i thank you so much for listening.
I really like specktra and the people here and since I got to this point when you feel you have no one around you, I thought lets write here my story.... it'll only be a release. i'de like to hear your opinion, or anything you'de like to say to me
Our story started exactly 6 years ago, a little before my 17th birthday. a girl that was a friend of mine back there, Noa, had a crash on a guy. one night after we went out she asked me to stay with her so she can meat that friend of her who just came back from the army, and it was him, Joe. Joe never stopped looking at me but i was too young and way too naive to see that. i had a mission- helping Noa with that Joe, which i didn't find atractive at all and didn't understand what does she find atractive at him.
Time passed and every nonth when Joe came back from the army we were going out with our friends and Noa of caurse. Joe kept inviting me and she was happy that we're going out a lot together. Joe and I became real good friends when he started calling me and we were talking for hours and nights, i didn't see that a love story is beginning, that time i was sure i'm just helping Noa getting his love.
Noa realized he's not interested in her and gave up. me and Joe was still good friends but my relationship with Noa started ending. I had a boyfriend for a few monthes, and every second i could, i was running to see Joe, untill i realized i can't stop thinking, talking, and dreaming about him. I can't remember any moment in my life when i felt something stronger than i felt for Joe. i would gave him my life if needed and always thought- what would i do if anything would happend to him.
I called Noa, apologizing and telling her about Joe and I. She wasn't thinking about him any longer, but i felt bad about it anyway. the second she gave me her OK, me and Joe was together. I think about this time and i still can feel my whole world moving around. i felt what is it to fall in love, with all your heart. anyone that looked in my eyes while i was talking about him told me that my eyes looks shiny like two stars. But it wasn't perfect, like nothing is in life. i loved him so much that i guess nothing could compete this love, even Joe's love for me. we argued alot, and i guess (well, it was a long time ago) that i just felt he doesn't love me enough.
After almost 2 years together, i told him i want to break up. in my heart i wanted him so much to not give up on me, and he did fight for me to stay, but a few weeks later he told me i was right, and something is not working.
For about 3 years, we wasn't "toghether". but he wasn't listening to me, asking him to not talk with me again. and for me it was too hard not to pic up the phone or see him when he came to my house, begging me to go outside. in those years i remember me trying to lie to myself, that i'm no longer in love with Joe. i even had 3 different relationships, with all of them i felt that i'm really happier than i was with Joe, but unfortunately i don't love this guys even 10% than i loved him. every relationship, buy the way, ended at the second i met Joe or talked to him. He always made me remember what i felt for him and how i don't feel like that anymore with no other guy.
One year ago, i finished a relationship with a guy i truely believed i love. i had so much fun with him, but he wanted to travel for 6 monthes with his friends, and i felt too lonely to wait. i know that deep inside i knew i still didn't get over Joe and i still miss him. a day before i broke up with that guy, Joe called me. He wanted us to try again, but when he heard i have a boyfriend he just said how sorry he is for everything that went wrong between us, and wished me luck. every word he said made me feel that my world turns again. I told him me and my bf broke up, and he kept calling me. even that i knew i still feel for him, i played hard to get and agreed to be friends. He sayd he still loves me, and didn't mind to try again even if it'll hurt him. I thought i was protected, the love for that guy made me forget about Joe for a while. but things wasn't like that at all.
it took me very few monthes to fall in love with Joe again. He changed, and all the things i hated about him was perfect this time. He stopped his crazy& dangerous life and he's a manager in that company, student with a lot of smart and interesting things to say. he was still funny to death, and again i found him most beautiful man in the whole world- even that he has nothing really pretty in his look. we were talking about life together. he's now 26 and i'm 23 - we both looking to get married. i thought he had everything i want in my man. he's a good person, kind, smart, funniest, he knows how to fight for what he wants, he'll do everything for the people he loves, he's full of respect, he's everything i can't find in any other man now.
So how can you explain, it went wrong between us? what happend that i didn't feel happy with him? i thought he doesn't love me enogh, but it was funny saing that, he kept telling me how perfect i am, how beautiful and smart and funny, how no girl in the world can interest him after he had me. He said he thinks i'm the perfect woman for him, he respected me so much. I knew i should feel something else when someone loves you so much, and he loves you back. I know it's the only thing that can make you happy in this world, and if it doesn't- something's wrong. but it felt so wrong keep thinking my man doesn't love me when he tells you how perfect you are all the time. so i talk with him. he said he thinks a few things are ruining our love. we changed those thinks. i gave everything to make this last. to make things good with the man i wanted to marrie. But it wasn't it. after one month, he came to my house and just said, he doesn't feel he loves me enough. that he doesn't understand how, i'm so great and i was so good to him, all the time, but he tried and that's what he feels.
I had no regrets for getting back to him, even that i should have know, that someone who had difficults to open to people and love, wont give me the huge love i needed. I had no regrets because i finally found what i want in man, how bad i needed all those+ his love. i can't understand this world, if a man that you gave him everything you had, can't love you with all his heart.
Breaking up with Joe was the hardest thing i ever had in my life. and believe me, i had some bad times. it's already a month after i talked to him for the last time, and i feel even worse. i stopped crying 5 times a day, which is great. but i'm still so sad. I care for nothing anymore. i was about to start studies, and left it, i had no powers to handle it. i found myself alone, with no one who really see me or care. harder than breaking up with Joe, was knowing that your best friends are not here for you. i'm sick of my job even that every makeup artist would want to take my place. i feel i just want to disappear, i don't want to do anything. everything makes me cry and i just knows it'll be so hard for me to get over it. i feel i'm just waisting my time for not going out, meeting someone, studing or working on my career, but the worse thing is that i don't care- i lay all day in bed, wishing i just disappear or something.
well, i guess no one got this far, but if someone did, i thank you so much for listening.
xx
