Dating someone you're not attracted to

[Lauren1981]

i'm interested to know what happened....
i was gonna post my thoughts but saw this was posted back in august. did you continue with him or did you decide against it???

 

[KeishaG14]

I was not attracted to my man at all when I first met him. We were friends for 9 month before I even considered anything with him. But what one me over after 9 months was how much he was there for me while I was going through a VERY difficult time. It's like he put his life on hold for a few weeks to be there for me. That's when I decided to just open myself up to the possibility of... Now, I wouldn't chance our life together for anything. He really is the love of my life (even though I'm mad at him right now... LOL)...

 

[nettiepoo]

HMM, im tryen to find kind words for this, here goes my best...I married a man that adored me and was super good to me and my kids after being in an abusive relationshop. The man i married is not ah..well...not so gorgeous. That being said, it can be very hard not to be physically attracted to your bf or husband, not saying i aint but you get what im saying? I guess what im trying to say is..It is hard being in a serious or sexual relationship with someone your not physically attracted to.

 

[banana1234]

i think you would be lining yourself up for future heartbreak
although you arent physically attracted to him,you may very well end up loving him, but while you might love some one, being physically attracted is important.. you might feel tempted to cheat if you find some one you are physically attracted to, and i dont think its fair on either you or him (just my opinion)

 

[Folie]

I've noticed in my short love life, that many of the men I've found extremely handsome, or society found handsome, I have either not wanted to be with when they asked me out or when we started dated they did not treat me well. I think many good looking men have an attitude of "I got it like that" if you know what I mean. My last three boyfriends, including my current one, have been called ugly, even by my mom, but I'm happy. I don't consider them ugly and I find their personality is really better than my previous boyfriends and I enjoy spending time with them. I feel like my current boyfriend is my soulmate.

 

[greengoesmoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001 Sooooo New guy in my life. Older more stable working man who thinks I'm the bomb. Problem is that, I'm not physically attracted to him at all. He reminds me of my uncle with his big pot belly. As a person I think we mesh well... We both work hard We both love jazz (i mean really love jazz) He talks to me everyday. And I don't think he's the type to juggle multiple females around. Seems like the eligible bachelors , you know the ones with jobs are few and far between in Chicago. I'm trying to focus on the good things. I do want to be married to someone who adores me. What should I do. Should I date someone I'm not at all physically attracted to

It might sound shallow, but I sincerely believe that in order to have a physical relationship with someone you HAVE to be physically attracted to someone.

If you don't find him sexy, sex will soon become rubbing two sticks, you'll probably find yourself thinking incredibly hateful things about him and staring while he eats, you'll find yourself flirting with other men because what you've got at home is plain bread when you wanted pop tarts.

I spent 6 months dating a wonderfull man, intelligent, into a lot of what I am, kind, generous, did I say intelligent? (Gotta have brains!!) but I just didn't find him sexy. He was 58 and I have no issue with older men. Initially I enjoyed our "lovelife" but after a short while, it became awkward. Very awkward.

How do you tell the man you're dating "Sorry, I like you but sex with you feels essentially how a prostitute feels" ? Disinterested and a bit mechanical.

Humans select the mate they do for various reasons but one of the most important ones is genetics. If you're genes don't go ping... It's probably not going to work.

Keep him as a jazz friend, I have always found it quite hard to find people who say they like jazz who still do when they hear anything which wasn't in a commercial! (Off topic, but what's your fave flavour? I'm a Louis Prima fan!! <3)

 

[luxury]

If you can get past it I say go for it. I personally tried it, I mean I wasn't attracted to him at ALL. Dated three months before we parted ways. I found myself thinking of other people during sex and everything. As much as I WANTED to force myself to be attracted to him, I just wasn't.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

I agree with the people who said it's hard to keep a relationship going with someone you aren't attracted to. No matter what we want to believe or think, sex is a very big portion of any relationship and if you aren't attracted to someone you are "with", that can make things awkward and tense. To me, if you aren't attracted to them physically, the best thing you can do in that situation is just be friends b/c in the end, what if that person learns how you truly feel? That just makes it worse and causes all sorts of problems.

Out of all the relationships I've had over the years, I've been with 2 people in my life that I wasn't attracted to but it didn't start out that way. The first person was a guy I lost my virginity to and we ended up getting married. I wasn't really old enough to realize what physical attraction really was and eventually I would feel panicked or want to cringe when he wanted to be intimate. There were other factors to our divorce but for me, that was a big issue b/c it's hard to feel close to someone you don't find appealing. About a year and a half ago I lost interest physically in the guy I was dating at the time and again there were MANY other issues involved besides the physical aspect but when you start finding excuses to avoid sleeping with someone (especially when in the past you've had a healthy libido

) you know there's a problem.

I would say that if you don't think you are or ever will be attracted to this person in that way, it's best not lead him on and just stay friends. There's always a chance like other posters said that you might eventually feel differently but I would say it's best not to "force" yourself to feel something you don't feel. Go with what your heart tells you and see where it leads you. HTH!!